kinda embarrasing, but how do you balance the pain and discomfort, a baby and intimacy?

Julie - posted on 02/05/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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my baby is almost 15 months old. I had some complications and i took 3 months to be "cleared " by my obgyn then my baby wouldnt sleep in her crib, and my husband was nervouse about squashing her in his sleep so since she was born, hes slept in bed with me just a handful of times. Hes usualy on the floor next to the bed. obviously our sex life is practicly nonexistant. Im eaither to tired hurting or the baby is awake. anyone having the same issues any ideas or advice?

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Aimee - posted on 02/25/2010

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Like anyone with chronic pain will tell you, some days are great and some are just lousy. Granted there will be times when sex isn't in the cards. However, on days when the pain in tolerable, I urge you to initiate a night of intimacy and/or sex with your spouse. All you need is the right attitude. Narcotics work well for pain, but I assure you that nothing curbs pain and encourages sleep like an orgasm! Sorry to be so blunt, but that's really the bottom line. I tell my husband that "it's my turn to be the man", which is an inside joke stereotyping that I'm going to roll over and go to sleep afterward.

Even on those nights when sex is not likely because of a high pain level, just getting a back rub does wonders for your mind and soul. Being in the arms of the one you love is a whole different kind of pain relief - even if you're in pain, your heart is happy and your mind is at ease. I'm thankful for a wonderful husband. Without him, this pain condition may have consumed me. I can also assure you that maintaining a close and loving relationship with your husband is not only good for your body, mind, and heart, but it is the best thing you can do for your child/children. The strength of the parents' relationship is directly proportional to the strength of the family. I wish you the best!

Dawn - posted on 02/09/2010

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I know it's really hard to get in the mood for anything when you are exhausted and in pain and just want to take a hot shower and sleep. Hubby wold get in the shower with me before bed and that was nice. Not always resulting in sex, but always in intimate cuddling and talking with each other about not important household or kid stuff but more about how we were feeling and just tuning into each other.
It helped more than I can say and I can tell you it does get better and easier, but it still takes work to make things work... and it is so very worth it!

Christine - posted on 02/07/2010

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the babysitter idea is great. my youngest is 6---but we still get knocks on our door when we try to get alone----unless it is really late---but by then i can hardly keep my eyes open. the last "encounter" we had took some planning, but it was worth it. i made sure i had pain pills in my system, but not the meds that make me sleepy. keep working at it, you'll find a way---and it's definitely a good thing for your marriage.

Heather - posted on 02/07/2010

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I understand. I am in pain or taking care of my baby 24/7. We try to put in effort for our sex life. We plan things out. (I know not so romantic sounding). sometimes we find a babysitter, then I take a pain pill. Once its over you forget that you had to plan it. Before we started trying to make it work our marriage was almost over. Its getting strong again! Also i have an amazing doctor who talks about the sex with us, and ways to make it work.

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