Clair - posted on 09/01/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )
Hi all, my name is Clair and I am 26, have a Daughter Isabella who is 2 in October and have been suffering with chronic pain for almost 2 years! I was pointed to circle of moms by my Sister as I have been getting quite down (as im sure most of you may have) and she said it may help to talk to others in my situation as I have no one that really appears to understand how frustrating things can get!
I had Isabella in October 2007, she was planned and although people say that there is never a right time for children, for us it really was the most perfect time. My Husband had just got a new much better paid job with much better prospects, we had been feeling financially stable for a while, were at the happiest we had ever been in our relationship and I could work part time or even stay home so could do what we chose rather than what had to be done. Things could not have been more perfect but 6 weeks after my emergency c-section I was still getting quite bad pains which I was concerned about. Things started routinely, treating me for possible infections even though everything seemed to have healed amazingly then looking for possible issues with gynaecology appointments as it started in my abdomen, near my c-section scar. After about 4 months things got worse and the pain was spreading to my back and by a month later I was in pain all over my body, felt weak, had muscle spasms, at points stopped being able to feel my legs and suffered with severe fatigue unlike anything I had ever flet before.
In May 2008 after my Husband kept having time off to help with Izzy and to help me, we exhausted all other options (no childcare in our area had spaces as we live in the middle of nowhere!) and my Hubby had to give up work. Since then my pain appears to have got worse and worse and never seems to have shown signs of improving, only appearing to be helped with pain killers and other meds but things still are getting worse with other symptoms showing every now and again.
Around 2 months ago I got the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia although im still a little sceptical about this. I have an extremely understanding Doctor who listens to me and trusts my opinions too and he has been amazing. My Husband has been a lifesaver and I dont know what I would do without him but after almsot 2 years, even with all the medication I take and the Doctors I have spoke to and the diagnosis, I still for some reason feel completely lost and feel like I havent been given a diagnosis as I still dont feel any better off. I have been on anti depressants for over a year but recently, dispite everything except my health going well i still keep feeling very down, sometimes it just comes out of nowhere and feels like I have no reason to feel down.
I have to use a wheelchair as I cannot stand or walk for longer than a couple of minutes without causing myself pain which will keep me bedbound for days, when I do walk I usually use a stick. I still try and do as much as I can because I feel as though people say (in not so many words) that I have caused it by not pushing myself to do more and that my pain is caused by me not doing as much - what they dont see is the days where I push and push and push myself because people have made me feel like I have caused it and then cannot move for days.
As you can see I have had a very up and down two years which also happen to have been my first two years of being a parent!!! That in itself has bought on feelings of guilt and uselessness and at times I question myself wondering if I am causing these problems. I have tried so many things to help and have not found anything yet!
I am experiencing new symptoms that I have yet to talk with my Doctor about but am suffering numbness in my mouth, my tounge and face and for about the last year have suffered slight loss of feeling all down one side of my body (which no one seems to have been bothered about so dont know whether to worry or not??!!!).
I would like to say well done if you got through that story and a half!!! I have a tendancy to write way too much as once I start, I feel there is so much to write about!! I would love to hear of other peoples experiences and advice if you have any, because compared to some people, I know I have not had this for long at all. I think it is just nice to know I am not the only person feeling like this, not the only person that feels like others dont understand, not the only person that feels they are constantly having to explain why they 'dont look ill' and to have other people to talk to about all these things that I feel like other people wouldnt quite understand.
Thank you for reading this and thank you to anyone that takes the time to reply, I really do appreciate hearing from other people that are going through or have been through this.