New to the Site, I have Fibromyalgia & Ankolosing Spondylitis & 2 Children

Kim - posted on 05/01/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone! I'm new here to Circle of Moms and I'm loving it already. I guess misery loves company sometimes. I'm 35 and I have two children, ages 6 & 4. Thank our God above that I have a wonderful husband who helps me get through the really bad flares.

Right now I'm doing pretty good, I just had spinal injections performed last week and they kicked in almost immediately. I'm not pain free by any means, just free of the lower back pain. I don't know about you, but when I get free of pain in one location, another location pops its ugly head up and says, "hey, pay attention to me now!"

Does anyone else suffer with extreme guilt? Well, other than what us ladies carry most of the time anyway? I work full time and by the time I get home I'm totally exhausted. There are some nights when I go straight to bed. I feel soooo guilty about it too....like I'm a horrible mother who doesn't get to run and play with my kids. I just wonder how others deal with guilt??

I look forward to your responses from those of us that know Fibromyalgia is NOT in our heads. (If it were, I would take an aspirin!)

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5 Comments

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Maya - posted on 02/13/2011

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Hi Kim,

I know that the guilt can be really debilitating. I am a mom who is considering quitting her job (which I love) because at the end of the day my husband doesn't get home until our toddler is in the bath, and I barely have enough energy to function, much less care for my baby in a loving and present way. I am learning to ask for more help from friends and family, but it really isn't enough.

Please go easy on yourself, you can't be everything to everybody. Having a disability and being a mom are two around the clock jobs and working full time outside of the home on top of that would require superhuman powers. Be proud of yourself for what you do accomplish, and the fact that you are struggling with guilt really means that you are great mom who wants the best for your kids.

Have you looked into any options for working from home a couple days a weeks? Switching professions? Seeing if your family can tighten their belts and have you work only part time? If there is any way to make it work it may be a real blessing to you and your family to have you more rested and feeling better. If not then just be kind to yourself and remember that by resting you are taking care of the most important person in your children's lives, and that resting is a valid and important job in of itself.

Sending hugs,
Maya

Kathleen - posted on 11/16/2010

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Hi, I have Chronic Neuropathic Pain from the Epidural with my second. So, we are on year 7. My kids don't know me prior to illness - I wrote an article on my blog about it http://chronicpainjournal.wordpress.com/... Guilt is experienced by mothers whether disabled or not. We are expected to do too much - even if we were well. Don't be too hard on yourself. Try to remember what you can in the day - the days are long but the years are quick.
The pain is not in your head either.

Sarh - posted on 06/25/2010

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Hi! I am 21 yrs old and I just had my second child. I now have a 4.5 yr old daughter and a 2 week old son. After I had my daughter I was diagnosed with both Ankylosing Spondylitis (A.S.) and Fibromyalgia (I was 16 yrs old).

I completely understand what you mean about the extreme guilt! I also worked full time up until 5 days before I just had my son. I would get home from work and not I would wish I could just go to bed, but I would just lay there and not be able to fall asleep because I would feel extremely guilty for not putting my daughter to sleep and not sitting with her at dinner, etc.

I get through this because my fiance is wonderful! I feel so guilty sometimes that I just cry and cry I feel like the worst mother in the world, my fiance just reassures me over and over again that I'm a very good mother and I do as much as I can and that I do my best. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it helps if you have someone like this to reassure you of all you do!

Teresa - posted on 06/08/2010

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way back in the 70's the doctor's always told it it wasa alway i my head until one day I find a doctor that would open up to me and tell me the trurth,I have had firbo since I was14 years old and never was told aboutit until I read it in my medcal reocder's that I ask for copy of to kept at home in casethere are need if I ws to move out ofstate once again.This doctor I have now sat with me and talk about itand we work together as a tream.And I no longer hear that its all in my head.In fact he has me seeinga nervr doctor in the morning.

Rebecca - posted on 05/22/2010

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I have fibromyalgia and it is not in my head. It is in my neck, back, knee, wrist, feet......! lol :)

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