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Custody issues creating behavior issues at school?

Amanda - posted on 03/22/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am wondering if anyone has experienced different personalities from children who are being raised in 50/50 split custody environments (i.e alternating week to week). I ask this because several of my students seem to act "differently" based on who they are living with from week to week; especially, when there seems to be a high degree of conflict with little to no "effective" communication between the custodial parents. If this is the case, what strategies have worked to help the child be more successful? If this happens to be anyone's personal situation, what is it that you find works to help your child be more successful on your "off" weeks.

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Lynn - posted on 03/23/2011

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In my personal life, my kids alternate week for week between myself and my exhusband. I also see a great deal of this arrangement with my students. Unfortunately, the difference in behaviour, depending upon which parent the child is with, is something the teacher can only hope to cope with. Parents, for better or for worse, had issues when they split, and often these issues persist in one form or another after the divorce. Different parenting styles are often sources of conflict among the parents, and provide an environment for children to attempt to get away with poor behaviour! My own kids are no different!

Somehow you need to get the student on your side to get more consistent behaviours from them. If the student understands what the rewards and consequences are for their choices, then they will first see the consistency at school, and will likely begin to come in line. Somehow, the student's behaviour feeds the parental drama and conflict, so by removing the parents (whenever possible) to deal with behaviour concerns at school, you will remove the source of "reward" for the student. I think that in addition to this, building a positive relationship with the student is your best chance to curb the behaviour problems. They may not have anyone really invested inn them if the focus at home is on the drama and the divorce, so by reaching out to the student, and building that relationship, you stand the best chance to sway the child from the "dark side". Time consuming and likely frustratingg endeavour, however it will likely reap countless rewards for both you and the student!!! Best of luck!!!!

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