Why do we in general have less patience with our own kids?

Carmen - posted on 11/27/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I have various reasons in mind but would like to hear what other mamas have to say.

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Jamie - posted on 12/05/2009

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I teach elementary school, and although my kids are grown now, I know I'm far more patient with other people's kids (OPKs) than I was with mine. I really did expect more of my kids. But I also know that my kids behaved for their teachers better than they did for me sometimes. An older teacher told me that that's a sign that you taught your own kids right, if other people tell you how well-behaved they are when they're away from you. Yes, we are--we should be!--more demanding of our own kids;we have a greater responsibility to them and we know all their weaknesses as well as strengths.

We're on our best behavior when we're away from our families; we're on our worst behavior with the ones closest to us. Seems like we always show our worst to the ones we love most, although it should be the opposite. As for being more patient with OPKs, well-- we don't always see those kids like their own parents see them. And, be honest, don't you find yourself secretly comparing OPKs with yours?

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Susan - posted on 10/13/2012

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Kids tend to do stuff on impulse and then we, the parents get mad because we are not kids anymore and do not understand why they do the stuff they do. Some kids like mine have ADHD and OCD. It is tough on them cause they do stuff on impulse or by what they need to do. But when this happens we need to actually more patience than usual and teach them slowly and carefully that that is not okay. So if your kid is like mine, take some time to sit down to teach them why they do stuff. Don't freak out at the first sign of trouble.

LauraBeth - posted on 12/05/2009

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I know I exspect more from my child then everyone elses. but my big saying is I know how my child is raised and what her rules are and what is exspected from her at home, I don't know what goes on at my student's homes and what their parents are REALLY like! my daughter (6) stood up in front of my girl scout troop on Mother's Day and they were to read what they woter about the qualities their mother possesses and said "my mom is wonderful and has patience with other peoples kids" hahaha

Hanan - posted on 12/04/2009

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maybe its true we really expect more of our kids but i think this is the way every mom thinks,not only teachers. Every mom has high expectations for her own kid.

Valerie - posted on 12/03/2009

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I agree that we have higher expectations but I would also add that the level of love I have for my daughters actually affects it as well. I love both my daugthers so much more then my students and as a result when she is defiant or rebels against something I've asked her to do it hurts me much more deeply then any student could. Therefore it's harder to keep a clear and objective perspective when that happens with them then with my students. That tied in with the pressure we teachers put on ourselves to not make the mistakes we see other parents make with our students is a double whammy. :)

Hollie - posted on 11/29/2009

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I think it's because we place a higher standard on our own children. As teachers it's easy to say, "well, this is what needs to be done" and expect our kids to just do it. Personally, I want my child to be the well behaved one in the class and follow the rules. I think we push harder just because we don't want them to be the kid in class who's always in trouble...

Marlene - posted on 11/29/2009

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Ok, I understand about having your child in the same school as you. My son was in the same school as me in Primary school and now is with his father at the same high school. Do give this a try: When he was with me all issues or problems had to be dealt with by contacting his father, under no circumstances was I to be spoken to. Now the reverse being followed, it has helped a lot.

Michelle - posted on 11/28/2009

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I totally agree with you... I haven't taught in a full time capacity since having my two children, but know that compared to my friends who are non-teachers I am a lot tougher on them than they are. Having moved to a country town recently, it is most likely that I will be teaching in the same school that the children will attend, so I am sure that will increase the stress levels! I also remember in High School (also in a country town) that the teachers kids were all classed as 'teacher's pets' for being so well behaved etc, I know understand why :)

Marlene - posted on 11/28/2009

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At the end of the day we send our learners home and they are their parents responsibility. We are responsible for our own children, a really stressful fact of life. If 1 of your learners mess up ultimately its his parents who must deal with him. We myst deal and answer for our own kids.
As teachers people are always watching to see how our kids behave, do in school etc... once again placing more stress on us, this all boils down to us having less patience.

Michelle - posted on 11/28/2009

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I think that because we are teachers, we expect a lot more from our own kids - want them to be well behaved, well rounded individuals, and get frustrated when they don't do as we plan (well I do anyway). We are more patient with the kids of others as we are not their parent. A case in point - my dad did not have patience with us (4 of us) as we were growing up, we should just know how to do things that he does... however, he has all the patience in the world for my husband and spends hours helping him make things or teaching him new skills as he didn't have the same country upbringing as us. Strange, but true. Our kids should just 'know better' yet we don't expect other peoples kids to...

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