Terrible 2s are nothing. What's going on with my 5 year old?

Maria - posted on 03/13/2009 ( 28 moms have responded )

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My son just turned 5 and everything is a battle. I have to ask him 10 times to come to the table, to brush his teeth, to get in the bath, to pick out his books. He doesn't listen. He says "no", tries to make deals, thinks he makes the rules. He has refused dinner 2 nights in a row and is starting to yell at us/get mad...We did just have a baby in November and I know this is some part of it but I really don't know what to do about it. We try to give him one on one time but he seems excessively cranky! I realize that this is somewhat typical 5 year old behavior, pushing limits and all but I just need some suggestions from those who have experienced similar behavior.

Any suggestions?

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Cheryl - posted on 10/01/2013

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use the words would you or will you when asking instead of can or could.. and if you need to get ready or something say lets like lets brush our teeth.. and if he is not co operating still tell him i want you to go to bed,, reapeat it until he does it,, he will complain and tell you he hates you... but it will work.. all advise that get results from a book called children are from heaven,,, great book, i read it often to refresh but the sutff really works

Stacey - posted on 10/27/2010

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wow i thought i was the only one going thru that with my 6 year old daughter. lol we are going thru the same here minus baby on the way. it seems like this past year has been out of control! shes ignoring me when i call for her or tell her to do or come here also. Ive given her time outs, taken toys away and told her that she has to deal with the consequences of her actions when she behaves that way. and with her last stunt of taking off and not telling me where she was going! she is on probation which is no trick or treating until she can prove to me that she will start listening and stop being fresh all the time. shes been on probation for a week now and doing better but still needs to work on it more.

Cheryl - posted on 02/26/2010

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I am trying to work on this game you created, I would like to try it, since my mornings are not very smooth, so far I have not let her have play time tell she is done gettting ready but its a daily struggle just some days are a little better than others, she likes to pick her own outfit and that can take a while picking it out at night, changes her mind in the am. so I'm am thinking of trying this, so you cover both before and after shots and have him try to match them up as he does them, is that right, or did I miss something. I may just try printing a task list but taking her photo as she is doing it and placing it somewhere but the game sounds fun....thanks much for the great advise, I like it...

Cheryl - posted on 02/26/2010

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I sure feel a little better, I feel totally the same way with my 5 yr old, she is doing almost everything you said and I am trying very hard to pick my battles because she is pushing everything right now I'm trying to change things up by working on 1 thing at a time, right now its toys as I did a post on that already, still waiting for input, but try to focus on one behavior at a time and that has helped me, I also have talks with her frequently when she is showing good behavior so I'm not ALWAYS on her case which could easyly be done when they ignore you, so far no computer games for the day is working but the new baby is tough she went through that at 2 1/2 so I know how that makes you feel, its not easy and I started to have her shadow me in doing things so she felt like she had my attention more, keeping her involved as much as possible helped a lot. So my advise, pick the worse thing happening and start with that. good luck

Deb - posted on 01/05/2010

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I had that problem with my son getting ready in the morning. So one day, I asked my then 4 year old if he wanted to play a game.....so I took pictures of before and after he'd done things (comb his hair/eat breakfast/get dressed/make bed/etc) and then I printed all the before pictures on a piece of paper and laminated it (you can buy a do it yourself sticky 'lamination' stuff). I then printed all the after pictures out separately and laminated them as well. I bought velco circles and put on all the pictures. Then in the morning as he did all 8 of his 'chores' he got to match the pictures together. If he gets done with things before its time to leave he gets to pick a treat out of a goodie bag (little $1 store treats/stickers/etc)....he's 5 now, we don't use the velco thing anymore, but he knows what all he needs to do and the goodie bag is still used....

Jodie - posted on 01/03/2010

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omg! that all sounds like my 5yr old...LOL. but he has always been head strong so i have to comprimise slightly with the way i handle certain situations but in saying that i won't tolerate disrespect from him no matter how he carries on, throwing, hitting, name calling, etc like most people, all seems ok at the moment apart from him deliberatley annoying and antagonizing his little 2 and half yr old brother, but the one thing i know that keeps my little bloke in check is one day he knows he can't do it and the next he thinks he can get away with but, consistent is the key and maybe one day he may understand that if you couldn't do it yesterday then today is no different...LOL hope this helps because i know i feel like pulling my hair out sometimes...LOL

Rachael - posted on 01/01/2010

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You are not alone! My 5-year-old is at this 'mouthy' stage as well. I also ask her at least 10 times to do something before she will FINALLY do it.
Something my mom has told me time and again....Keep your patience, and remember...it won't be like this for long. ;) Stages of life. This is one of MANY. ;)

Sabrina - posted on 11/22/2009

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I have the same problem with my daughtersince she has started school.. just be patent and stay with the disaplene(?) He is trying to see what he can really get away with reasure him that mommy and daddy still love him and try to get his new sibling to enteract with him on the floor or even let him help out with the baby.. I have 2 girls that are 9 yrs apart and we let the oldest become a helper when it came to the baby.. it really helped out on her attitude problem

Kate - posted on 11/19/2009

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My daugher will be 5 next week. And right now she is grounded for telling me no. That is all I hear out of her mouth! NO, NO, NO! When I ask her to clean, she acts like she can't hear me! It' driving me crazy!

Tanya - posted on 10/26/2009

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well my son dont really throw tantrums or not listen dont get me wrong he does try his luck most of the time but im about 22wks pregnant n he has gotten really clingy and started wettin the bed...... mayb the new baby feels abit of a threat 2 him. my son was also born in march.....

Megan - posted on 10/23/2009

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OMG!!!! That sounds just like my 5 yr old. Whiny and doesnt listen until like the 10th time..

Crystal - posted on 10/20/2009

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my dr told me that when the fits start to ignor some of them pick your battles and dont let them make the rules nip it in the butt fast or yourll end up like me with a big problem that you dont know what to do next so the dr has to help now

Siobhan - posted on 09/07/2009

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Oh thank the Lord I'm not the only one going through this nightmare!! What I've been trying to do is institute a reward policy. I've set up days to do specil things (i.e. go to the park, make cookies, library, chuck e cheese) or everyday things (go to the store, TV time, bedtime story, treats) and everytime she doesn't do what she should I take it away. It's been tougher than I imagined and somedays I wanna through my hands up in defeat but things have gotten better. It's hard and I feel your pain, maybe try my method but definitely know, whatever you try, things WILL get easier...unfortunately later rather than sooner. Hope I've helped.

Amanda - posted on 08/28/2009

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Reading all these stories, makes me realise that my child is not the only one behaving this way, she has become such a challenge, cheeky, attitude, just unbelievable. I do just hope it's a stage, I think I will start giving her more options, like I have read on here. I looked the the side www.discplinemommy.com, can someone that has used this system let me know how it works. Thanks A

Toni - posted on 08/16/2009

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I sympathise with you,I have a son that does excatly the same, selective hearing is a daily ritual in our house,I would,nt mind some suggestions or advice,

Chan - posted on 08/12/2009

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So im not the only one..thank God! My 5yr old is the only child but he acts the exact same way sometimes I feel like im fighting an endless war and he also tries to negotiate he's also started to do things like hit himself or pinch himself during tantrums he NEVER threw tantrums before 2's were easy! What I have learned tho is to choose my battles everything is not worth fighting over even tho we would like life to be great for them as long as he is not doing anything to harm himself I have to just grit my teeth (i think i've given myself TMJ lately) and let him grow into himself and into the knowing that he is old enough to make some decisions about himself BUT i must admit it is hard

Jennifer - posted on 07/24/2009

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wow! i am soooo happy to hear that i am not alone!!! my daughter will be 5 next week, i also have a 1 year old ... My older one was great w/the little one, but now that she is turning into a "little person" things are a little different... she fights me on EVERYTHING!!! she tells me "no" all the time and in the past week missed dinner one night and dessert 3 nights , the no tv and taking away toys doesn't even phase her anymore.... i really hope that this is a stage and will SOON pass!!!

Amber - posted on 07/22/2009

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My five year old is the same way. He fights everything-going to bed, eating, you tell him not to do something and he does it any way. I just home that he'll grow out of it cause nothing I'm doing works either.

Bonnie - posted on 07/15/2009

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The discipline cards is a great idea! My 5 year old exhibits much of the same behaviours mentioned above. His biggest issue is "middle-child syndrome". He doesn't feel like he belongs anywhere special. It breaks your heart! Anyway, the school system he will be attending in August uses this same kind of card system only they make the children flip their own cards. My oldest (now 2nd grader) was really impacted by having to turn his own card. I haven't started using this for my 5 year old, but am seriously considering it as things have gotten much worse!

Tracy - posted on 07/01/2009

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Its def a 5 year old thing, mine did the same thing, however I found these discipline pockets a couple months ago. Ever since i started using them, there is a huge difference. We still have our battles, but unlike it being an everyday 10 times a day occurence, its now a once a week occurrence. Check out the site disciplinemommy.com. Best $8 i have ever spent! good luck

Kim - posted on 06/13/2009

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I here ya sister...I have a 5 yr old and she is unbearable at times...she is doing the same things your son is doing and I am at my wits end with her...time outs stopped working so I started taking away her favorite things when she acts out like her princess dress or her favorite book for a day...it seems to be working.

Dawn - posted on 04/29/2009

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It sounds like a 5yr old issue. My son is starting to do it too. I find time outs (facing a wall with his nose touching the wall, the sit down doesn't work anymore) and removing toys and if he is really bad a swat on the butt. Usally after the swat he gets better. At times it seems thats the only way to get his attention and get him to snap out if it.

User - posted on 04/08/2009

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Your son sounds just like my daughter. She turned 5 in March and is a complete nightmare. Like your son she refuses to do anything I ask her to do and its a constant battle. She has also started giving me cheek and copying off her older brothers. I feel like i'm tearing my hair out with her every day!!! I don't remember my sons being as bad as her. I just thought it was girls!!! Any time you need to chat, i'm here!

Gillian - posted on 04/04/2009

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OMG I hear ya, My son will be 5 next month and his trantrums are disgusting hes been full on all his life but this is totally different i just hope he behaves for his school interview *sigh*

Amy - posted on 03/28/2009

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Hi I have a 4 1/2 year old and also a baby born in November 2008! You said he yells a lot and seems excessively cranky. Have you talked to him about how he is feeling? Listened to his fears and anxieties and empathised with him and helped him to name how he feels? Perhaps he is feeling you might not love him the same or is feeling left out? If he is angry, frustrated, sad, lonely etc don't criticise him - instead let him know you understand how hard it is to adjust, reassure him how much he is loved and work together to problem solve. He's had you to himself for 5 years! It's a huge adjustment to have to share your time. Allow him to feel and express the way he feels but make the distinction between expressing feelings and unacceptable behaviour. If he feels understood and loved he will want to please you (well most of the time).

Jacqueline - posted on 03/16/2009

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Well, we've always tried to be very consistent and not putting up with behaviors that we don't approve of such as whining, throwing things, talking back. If she says she doesn't WANT to do something, my favorite phrase :It's not a choice." When she has a choice she knows it. If I tell her it's not a choice she knows she has to do it whehter she wants to or not.



I'm definately not saying that she listens 100% of the time! lol All kids go through stages of testing their limits which makes things quite frustrating at times. I jsut try to be consitent and give options when I can so she feels like she's not constantly controlled.



With dinner and meals in general, she LOVES to help in any way she can. I let her help set the table, mix things that need mixed, pour, whatever tasks she can help with and not only does she know what she's eating but she's proud of it bc SHE helped make it.



 



Part of it could be attention too. For a while ther eshe was doing things that we normally didn't have issues with. Our son is 10mo now and she's doing pretty well, now we're working on the sharing, being nice to your baby brother deal. lol



It's hard but it will all work out eventually! HTH

Elizabeth - posted on 03/16/2009

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Hi. I completely feel your pain, lol. I have a 4 year old that is very independent, and tests every limit I have every set. I think this is normal, wanting to negotiate and make their own rules, etc. With my daughter, I try to give her choices whenever possible. For axample, 'Sarah, do you want to get dressed or brush your teeth first?' or 'which do you want to do first, pick up your toys or put on your shoes?' Because she is exerting her independence, se love being able to make decisions for herself. With the dinner thing, if he chooses to skip dinner, let him know that he will get nothing else for the night. (kids will not starve if they miss a meal now and then, and if he is truly hungry, he will eat) then don't fuss about it. Kids will look for attention, I think, anyway they can get it...positive or negative! If he realizes he is getting to you, he will push harder. Having said that, I think you need to put an end to the disrespect. My daughter went through a 'no' phase, and she even yelled at me a couple of times. Once they do that, all bets are off! They immediately lose whatever they are doing (toys put up, tv off) and sit n time out. I don't yell back, I just firmly let them know that disrespecting me is not an option, nor is not listening. Then they go without whatever they were trying to do. If they wanted to go outside, now tey have to wait longer, if they wanted ice cream, they DEFINITELY do not get it after disrespecting me. etc. I am thinking toward teenage years, if they think they can get away with it now, wait until those hormones start raging! I don't know if I helped, good luck! If you find something else that works, please pass it along!

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