How do I politely avoid these comments?

Kourtney - posted on 02/17/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I commonly have people ask what new things my daughter Heidi (11 months) is doing. Nine times out of ten, when I tell them, "Oh, she's starting to military crawl, " or "she's sitting up," I get a reply "Isn't that late?" or "my baby did that at 6 months." How do I tell these people to stop the comparing!!! I don't compare Heidi to anyone, and I wouldn't even if she was what I like to call a "plain" baby. How does everyone else deal with these unintentionally rude comments?

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I just say, "Oh that's nice. well, all babies develop at different rates and my daughter will be able to do all those things eventually. She just does them at her own pace and for what her body will allow her right now." A lot of people have no idea abou the medical complications that come with DS (hypotonia, for example)!

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Sophia - posted on 10/18/2012

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just say she is doing great ..thank you. if its a friend or family then you can shear.

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I always say, that's great for you/your child but Owen has his own timetable and I'm just along for the ride. I do try to explain a little bit about the physical challenges of DS, but sometimes I just don't want to go into it with a complete stranger, who I feel is being rude to begin with when they ask me those kinds of questions. I've actually walked away when someone asked me about having another child and wouldn't I be afraid it might have DS. Frankly it's none of anyone's business except for myself and my husband, so I often choose not to respond to that question.

Kelly - posted on 03/19/2010

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People have started to ask that question of my son and I usually say, "he's a boy and you know they are slower than girls." (he's been compared to girls recently.) I always make sure to remind them my brother without DS didn't talk until he was 3 and then it was his own language. He walked "late" too. There's no set timetable for "normal"!

Deanna - posted on 03/18/2010

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...and another thing...SORRY...I get goin and there's no stoppin me!! I would also say that you refuse to live your life in fear of having another child with DS, DS is nothing to be afraid of!!! It's a beautiful life to be lived!!

Deanna - posted on 03/18/2010

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Heidi, my response to those comments regarding you having another child would be again to educate them...it is very rare to have a second biological child with DS unless your first child has translocation trisomy which is only 3-4% of cases of DS. Your chances of having another child with trisomy 21 is 1% regardless of your age. Then I would spin it and also say that if that is what God chooses for me, than I will feel blessed and gladly accept this child no matter what. I would also point out the fact that regardless of a child being born typical or with a defect or any abnormality, there are NO GUARANTEES!!! PLEASE PEOPLE!!! GET A GRIP! Who's to say that a child won't develop Autism, or Muscular Dystrophy, or ADD, or ADHD, or God forbid have some sort of accident where they lose their physical or cognitive abilities? So what then, are you (they) going to give up their child because he/she isn't "normal" anymore???!!! It's ridiculous the amount of control people think they have on their lives! Think about it that way. I hope this helps. We moms need to speak up and educate for our children on just some basic common sense issues regarding our kids. Some times it just floors me how idiotic people can be and think. We are our kid's only true advocates.

Kourtney - posted on 03/18/2010

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I never really thought of it that way, Deanna. It's just one of those things, you know? I realize that some comments are just people being curious. I knew nothing about kids with DS before we had our Heidi. I had actually never even seen a baby with it before her. It's the rude ones that get to me, like pointing out differences between her and other kids, or my favorite, "are you goin g to have another kid? What will you do if you find out while you're pregnant that it has Downs too?" Uh, gee, bring it up just like Heidi or any other kid!

Deanna - posted on 03/17/2010

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I agree with everyone else...but also look at those comments as an opportunity to educate people and create awareness. The general population is in the dark when it comes to DS, it's up to us to educate them and put a stop to the stereotypes. So comments like those can become a great thing if you use it as an opportunity to shed some light around our beautiful and privileged world of raising a child with DS.

Kristi - posted on 03/15/2010

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I have delt with my fair share of rude comments to look you have a Mongoloid to the fact that we use sign language to talk to her because she cant speak. They are just uneducated people that usually mean no harm. You just keep your head held high and be proud you dont live under a rock like most people

Rebecca - posted on 02/23/2010

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it is hard! my 2 1/2 yr old son is in a 1's ecfe class and its hard not to compare, but try not to take these comments as rude, before my son was diagnosed with ds i had no idea about it.... just enjoy your child and dont worry about what others think!

Karen - posted on 02/20/2010

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I agree! Tell them that everybaby has their own time table as to when they do things and you are very pleased with the progress your Heidi is making. By the way,my 17 yr old DS Daugher's Name is Heidi also.

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