I have boy and girl.I want more kids hubby dosen't

Sara - posted on 05/06/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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OK here is the deal...I have a 3 year old son and a nearly 1 year old daughter. My husband says that's the "perfect" family. I would like to have1or 2 more kids in the future. I have an IUD right now. I am giving it 4 more years and then looking into it again. The problem is my husband doesn't want any more kids. When he and I got married we had always wanted 4 kids. I know that kids are expensive and you have to buy a bigger car and house. I just would like to know that the option is still on the table. He keep talking about getting a vasectomy. I don't get it? I'm the one that is staying at home with them. I just don't fell like I'm "done" having kids. I didn't "love" being pregnant. of course there where parts that I loved, but the nausea and pain I didn't like. I would do it all again for a large family...Dose this make me crazy? I'm 27 so I have some time to really think about weather or not we should have more kids. Has anyone else encountered this?

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Laura - posted on 05/20/2009

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My other half and I are having a similar problem, except it's him that wasnts another one and me that doesn't ! I'm 23 and he's 34 and I have 3 kids, my eldest 2 are not biologically his, but they call him dad and he's their dad in every other way, and we have a little girl of 18 months as well (who is a terror!) As I had one so young (16 when I had my son) I am hoping to go back to college in sept, and get my degree etc, I know it sounds selfish, but I've been sorting out children and him for years (and I don't begrudge a minute of it) but I feel like it's my turn now! Plus like u said it's me staying at home with them, and I'll be honest I don't think I could handle 4! Sara, maybe you could ask ur hubby to hold off the vacsectomy, and say maybe if you wait a few years, then try? If he is worried about the money side, maybe see if you can get a bit of homework or something to put towards baby bits? Despite being happy with 3 myself I can see why you want another one, and maybe another after that. It is alot easier going from 2 to 3 then it was going from 1 to 2. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Jenni - posted on 05/20/2009

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Yeah, I agree, he may just be afraid of being able to provide for a large family right now. I don't see why he would say he wanted a bigger family before, and suddenly change his mind for any other reason. Mine was an only child, so he's always been a loner, but didn't like how miserable he was to be alone growing up. I have two siblings, and was happy, so we decided on three. However, I think I could go up to six. I guess it runs with my heritage, I like the idea of a big family, I just don't know if he'll go for it. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
From what I've heard, you'll "know" when you're done. Hopefully for you, and your children, he hasn't reached that point yet.

Amie - posted on 05/19/2009

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Maybe with the way the economy is now he's fearing the worst and is letting that fear override him. You said you stay home with them but not if you work or not from home. He might feel like it'd be to much to bear if you guys had more and he's the only one bringing in an income.
If it's not that maybe the reality of how much time, energy and attention kids really need have hit home and he's changed his mind on how many he wants.
It really could be anything and it will probably take many many conversations to find out why he's happy with just the two you have now.
It doesn't make you crazy though! I have 4 kids! =D 8 1/2 yrs, 4 1/2 yrs, 2 yrs (on thurs.) and 7 weeks. I absolutely hate being pregnant, the only part that was enjoyably was the conceiving aspect of it. LOL! I love all my babies though and are worth all the morning sickness, aches & pains, mood swings, etc. My hubby agrees with me too. He doesn't like it when I'm pregnant but it is worth every minute of it. =)

Sara - posted on 05/19/2009

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Maybe some day...I guess because my baby is not really a baby anymore ( she just turned 1 today) That I am starting to want another one...maybe I'm just crazy...yep that's most likely the case...lol

Mel - posted on 05/07/2009

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Quoting Kate:

Having the same problem with my hubby. My hubs is worried about the money. While you guys may not be "worried" about money if you have another baby, your husband may be feeling pressure to provide for his family. My husband hates saying no to me or my daughter and he wants us to have everything. Sometimes I have to tell him "You can say no. I don't have to have this" and he gets the biggest look of relief on his face.

We've finally worked it out and we're going to start trying for our second some time this fall/winter. Needless to say I'm very excited. You guys really have to be in this together. I know a lot of women who have told me "Just stop taking the pill and don't tell him". Well, that's a great way to get pregnant and a great way to get a divorce. Don't trick him into having another kid. He'll resent you and it may really wreck your marriage.


 



I had people tell me this to to trick him and they'd say "jump him when you know you're ovulating, buy sexy lingerie, drug him" I was like well im an honest person so id never trick someone into something they dont want i think its wrong. one of the women who told me this a few months later was somehow pregnant again after her partner swearing he does not want any more kids and will never have any. with her pressuring him for years and him saying he didnt know how it happened and being pretty angry i definately have my own thoughts about this. I really hate women that do this its too wrong and she is a family friend unfortunately not many like her some have suggested its not his baby but ive just said i hope he wakes up to himself very soon! i do hope your hubby considers havin another baby for your sake.

Sara - posted on 05/06/2009

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Mine is too but we will see. I hope in the next 4 years that maybe he will have changed his mind...But you never know by that point I might be done having kids...we will have to see I guess..I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. :( I hope you can have another one soon if your husband comes around.:)

Ashley - posted on 05/06/2009

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lolol yeah I am a little crazy about talking about having another kid. There is such a big age gap with my kids now. I only wanted my kids to be 2 years apart. (I did have a misscarriage then had trouble getting pregnant. But I do miss being pregnant. I am one of those people that love to be pregnant. lol Good luck with your hubby. Mine is stubborn! :)

Sara - posted on 05/06/2009

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I get it..I'm kinda surprised you are talking about having another kid when you have a new baby :). I get it though after having a baby you tend to miss being pregnant at times. I kinda went though the same thing when both kids where around 1 I kinda wanted another baby.I understand you want a big family. Kids are so amazing. I would love 2 boys and 2 girls. or even just another kid...I don't know...I am trying to a least get him to think more about it. I kinda want to wait 4 years that way my kids will both be in school and I will have they day with the baby. I feel it might be less over whelming for me..but my mom always told me going from 1 to 2 kids was a way bigger jump then going from 2 to 3 kids. so we will see I guess.:)

Ashley - posted on 05/06/2009

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My husband is saying the same thing. I have a 6 year old girl and a 15 week old boy. He comes from a big family. ( 2 brothers and 4 sisters) I want 2 girls and a boy... or 2. I want at least 3 and he said he is soooo over it. He doesnt like noise. Our son had problems with his formula and he cried a lot. Now he doesnt want any more cuz he says they will be the same as him. (He is getting better) We by far dont have a lot of money for a whole bunch of kids, but one day I hope we will.

Sara - posted on 05/06/2009

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Thanks for the comments I do have to tell you Kate I have herd of a lot of women tricking their husbands into pregnancy...however I would NEVER do that to mine. I am a very honest person, and wouldn't want to loose my husband over that. :)

Kate CP - posted on 05/06/2009

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Having the same problem with my hubby. My hubs is worried about the money. While you guys may not be "worried" about money if you have another baby, your husband may be feeling pressure to provide for his family. My husband hates saying no to me or my daughter and he wants us to have everything. Sometimes I have to tell him "You can say no. I don't have to have this" and he gets the biggest look of relief on his face.

We've finally worked it out and we're going to start trying for our second some time this fall/winter. Needless to say I'm very excited. You guys really have to be in this together. I know a lot of women who have told me "Just stop taking the pill and don't tell him". Well, that's a great way to get pregnant and a great way to get a divorce. Don't trick him into having another kid. He'll resent you and it may really wreck your marriage.

Mel - posted on 05/06/2009

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i cant say ive been through it yet however my fiance only wanted two kids but he does alot for me so has agreed to have 3. right now we are only having the discussion on baby #2 as he wants to wait longer i dont. ive always wanted to be a mum so i want 3 kids then maybe down the track another. but i guess i will see how things go. dont let him get the vasectomy if you want more children that is really unfair on you

Mel - posted on 05/06/2009

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i cant say ive been through it yet however my fiance only wanted two kids but he does alot for me so has agreed to have 3. right now we are only having the discussion on baby #2 as he wants to wait longer i dont. ive always wanted to be a mum so i want 3 kids then maybe down the track another. but i guess i will see how things go. dont let him get the vasectomy if you want more children that is really unfair on you

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