In-Laws or Outlaws!!!

Julie - posted on 05/17/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

97

15

16

I need advice. My son will be three in a few short days. My in-laws or outlaws as I more commonly refer to them as are always giving me a problem about joining in our sons birthday celebreation. For his first birthday it was they needed to help family out of town and it had to be that weekend. The second year my mother-in-law insisted on me changing the day of the party and then all of the sudden couldn't come. When I grew up my family the whole family both sides dads and moms always celebrated our birthdays with us. Even the Aunts and Uncles. I have never quite met a family as strange as my husbands. They are sweet people sometimes and very different other times you never know what you are gonna get with each visit. We decided to just have cake and Ice cream but my husband says his family won't come because my nephew Austin opened up Blakes presents with him last year and his experience of seeing Blake open his presents from him and my mother-in-law was ruined forever. Isn't that a little rediculous it didn't bother Blake or my husband or I. Plus I have a sister-in-law that just had a baby and they are coming but my other sister-in-law that is expecting very soon and her husband don't want to come.

I went to a lot of events after my son's birth for them post c-section i sat through his brothers hot sweaty 2 hour long graduation and one week post c-section helped my mother-in-law clean her entire house for his graduation party.

Long story short. I do for everyone but no one does for Danny(my husband) and I in return. Is it stupid to feel like our child is cheated? Any advice!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jamie - posted on 05/18/2009

1,488

41

234

Quoting Melissa:

yes to the last comment! the only way to teach people is to show them how it feels or to get back at them 10 times as bad as they hurt and disrespect you. example i had someone cause quite a few family probs for me threaten me etc so i simply spread on facebook that she tricked her partner into getting pregnant when none of the family and freinds knew about the baby yet. she has left me alone since then and i only have to see her at family/work get togethers.

Your inlaws sound terrible, mine are not even that bad, and i get annoyed at them for refusing to come and see their grand daughter. some of their views sound quite strange. i cant understand this and also missing those birthdays is shocking. i would simply tell them you are not going to do anything to help them or not organise anything to suit them with the problems theyhave caused in the past



Seriously are you 5yrs old. So you think 2 wrongs make a right, since someone did something to you you have the right to do something back. WTF!!!! What are you teaching your kids? At least Julie knew what she was suggesting was childish. You are just down right wrong, and to brag about it and think its ok, just shows you have poor judgement and character.

[deleted account]

You mention quite a bit of extended family there, but don't forget about the birthday boy! We just celebrated my son's 2nd birthday, and while I invited all the local family, for a party on the actual date, I did not try to cater to everyone's schedules. Which ultimately meant only my parents were able to come, and my grandparents, uncle, and in-laws could not make it. I wasn't about to try to make everyone happy, because that would be impossible. Once I knew all the family couldn't come, I invited our friends who also have small children, and a great time was had by all, especially my son. I visit my grandma a lot so we will take cupcakes over there this week and have a little party with them. I am all for family unity, but I don't have time for people to make drama.

Ultimately you will never make everyone happy, so instead of ruining it trying, just make it a fun time for yourself and the birthday boy, and whoever is able and gracious enough to come can also share in that time. (but try to handle it in a way that won't burn bridges between you and your family, that never helped anyone either)

17 Comments

View replies by

Juliane - posted on 05/24/2009

32

17

5

my MIL booked a cruise for the week when my 1st daughter to be born and then took off again when my 2nd daughter was born

Courtney - posted on 05/24/2009

3

4

0

It's important to remember to be the bigger person-not to sink to the pettiness that is a VICIOUS CYCLE of neverending payback. In the end they are the ones who are missing out on a great relationship with family, and really-why would we want to force our children to be exposed to such ridiculousness. Being the bigger person in my opinion is the easy way - cause let's face it-we are not changing these stubborn people!

Mel - posted on 05/24/2009

5,539

58

228

my MIL didnt come to the hospital when her first grand child was born either. i really wish she would make the effort sometimes i know how hurtful it is. but at least i have a fantastic mother who actually cares about my little girl!

Holly - posted on 05/23/2009

327

34

32

sorryabout the dubble reply but it said it didnt send ..but obusly it did good luck ask GOD to put a barring on them to see how much there missing out ..it will work

Holly - posted on 05/23/2009

327

34

32

you are doing the rite thing i think keep inviting them to the specials ....you are the bigger person at this point .you have one responceability here and that his to make sure your son is happy ......i see that in the pitcher .see its my dad i was never close to my real father ,but being nice i asked him to walk me down the issle since i am his only daughter ,well my step mom said NO,so that was that so i asked my step dad and he said yes he would he was so proud ,now he has passed away and i would not trade that in for any thing ....my step mom has also passed now and now my real dad wants pitchers of my wedding i told him no way

you have to thing this way your child is missing out on grandparents but really truly there missing out on such a wonderfull kid !!!!!!shame on them ..till this day my kids will tell my dad ur not papa my papa in HEAVEN ,cause he will say stuff like come here give papa a hug ...im trying every day to get closer with him adn to let my kids get to know him to but i have tolf him u mess up one time buddy ur done ....like i said , yes i think u have the rite to feel that you rchild is being cheated of having grandparents ....i wold tell them all the special dates if they come then come if not then oh ,well they missed out on one of of the cuteest and most loveable boy !!!!!ont let it bother you ,u have much more to worry about thean them ...you worry about u and you rfamily

Holly - posted on 05/23/2009

327

34

32

i dont totaly understand but i do,i understand how you feel about your child getting cheated !my dad is kinda redikulas ,cause im his only blood daughter when i got married he told me he was not going to walk me down the issle ,because my step mom told him NO and thats they way it was ..so i had mt step dad who i consierd more of a dad to me being more supportive tords me he did i wouldnt give that day up for any thing ..Now that my step mom has passed on he wants my wedding pitchers ,i will not give him one to dam bad you shuold have been there !!!!!!you have to rember one thing your child knows who loves them and who is around 9im not saying that they dont love your child ,but for instance my son will tell my real dad that your not papa you grandpa ,my papa in HEAVEN ,i know that it is hard all you can do is invite them and be as nice as you can be ,and say were have ing our sons party on this day if you want to come at this time to this time your more thean welcome ...if they put up a fuss say im sorry but thats the day ...its not truly your job to make them happy is you rresponability to make sure your son has a wonderfull child hood ,there the ones missing out .....it makes me so up set that my dad does some of the crap he does ,but like i said my kids knoes who there papa relly is!my mom comes to every thing even when the kids have small test done at the hosipital ,one time just oh ,about 1 week ago my son 201/2 months had tubes put in a she could not take it off from work i bet u ,she was on the phone all most the whole time .......do what you know is good and the rite thing to do is be the bigger person ,if they ever say oh can he come over and spend the nite ask your son more then likey he will say no .well why cause he really dont know you ..or when they pick him up and he starts to cry ,and they keep holding him or saying crap like its ok ,im grandma say thats enough and take your son and go in the other room ,if she coems in say i will talk to you later about this and tell her or them how you adn your husband relly feel NOT AROUND THE CHILD THO ..... good luck

Jessica - posted on 05/23/2009

7

6

1

OMG MY INLAWS ARE THE SAME WAY

I tell them this is the date its either you come or you don't and you miss out our your grandchilds life and you can explain to them why you are in non of their photos

Sarah - posted on 05/23/2009

184

26

13

was your MIL at the hospital when your child was born? mine wasnt and it was her very FIRST grandchild. i dont expect to see her at any birthday parties either

Cassie - posted on 05/18/2009

0

0

182

Do not listen to the previous poster about getting your family back! We are adults and should act as such! As you said, it would be childish and doesn't teach anyone any lesson except that you are as petty, childish, and selfish as they are (which you clearly aren't as you are worried and concerned about what to do) Be the bigger person! Give your son a great birthday whether or not your husband's family will be there or not. You won't be able to get those birthdays back and your son needs to remember that his parents love him and gave him great birthdays. He will also remember who loved him enough to be there for him and that in itself is punishment enough to your family. Good luck and celebrate your precious gift!

Whitney - posted on 05/18/2009

17

20

1

Plan his birthday around you, your child, and your husband. Don't worry about the rest of the family. When they have more children, THEY can decide what goes on. Don't stress about it. Just sit back, and have fun!

Sarah - posted on 05/18/2009

25

28

2

The best you can do is organise it to suit yourself and your immediate family. If the in-laws don't like the arrangements then thats just tough for them. THey sound rather stuck up and seem like they're doing things just to annoy or irritate you. So just do what you want. If they make it, all good. If they don't, who cares

Vanessa - posted on 05/17/2009

5

4

0

No be the bigger person go to their events it will come back to them when your son begins to ask his dad's family question like why weren't you all at my party. Trust a child start to realize thing before we do.

Mel - posted on 05/17/2009

5,539

58

228

yes to the last comment! the only way to teach people is to show them how it feels or to get back at them 10 times as bad as they hurt and disrespect you. example i had someone cause quite a few family probs for me threaten me etc so i simply spread on facebook that she tricked her partner into getting pregnant when none of the family and freinds knew about the baby yet. she has left me alone since then and i only have to see her at family/work get togethers.

Your inlaws sound terrible, mine are not even that bad, and i get annoyed at them for refusing to come and see their grand daughter. some of their views sound quite strange. i cant understand this and also missing those birthdays is shocking. i would simply tell them you are not going to do anything to help them or not organise anything to suit them with the problems theyhave caused in the past

Julie - posted on 05/17/2009

97

15

16

Also for the one's that just had a baby and are about to is it ok to boycot their childrens birthdays to let them know how it feels or is that childish!! I think childish but it would be nice to give them a dose of their own medicine.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms