Insecure baby- what can i do?

Natasha - posted on 05/16/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Hi my name is Natasha and i have a 1 month old baby who will not fall asleep unless i am holding him. I think he is just insecure and needs to know that I'm there but I'm scared that he isn't gonna get out of it and i will be rocking him to sleep for ever! Does anyone have any ideas on how to get him to go to sleep by himself?

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Natasha - posted on 05/18/2009

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Thanks everyone! I will keep cuddling my little man and enjoy him while he's little and still cuddly!! :)

Vanessa - posted on 05/17/2009

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Don't worry he will eventually grow out of it. Then you will be longing for him to come cuddle with you.

Kathleen - posted on 05/17/2009

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hi my name is kathleen i have 3 kids they are 5 and a half 3 and a half and 10 months i found with my 3 child i ended up having her in the bed with me so i could get some sleep your baby is only a month old so try not to stress out that you are doing the wrong thing just do what works for you

Julie - posted on 05/17/2009

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try to leave him in the crib for a little each night. he is a little young so don't let him cry long. I used to have to use a travel swing and swaddle mine when he was little at about 8 weeks i started a good nap and night routine and that ended. you'll get through it hang in there it won't be like this forever

Eleonore - posted on 05/17/2009

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Oh, and he sleeps on his own now, in his crib or in the bed; no problems. :)

Eleonore - posted on 05/17/2009

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I had the same baby troubles! He would not sleep unless I was holding him, and cried if I left him alone anywhere. I wondered what I was doing wrong, or if I was spoiling him, or if he was a nervous or insecure baby like you. Nope! Babies go from 24/7 holding and food to a completely different world. Especially Western thinking where you have to "train" your baby from the get-go. He's a baby! You can't spoil him! I carried Kye everywhere, and he slept literally lying on me (eating all night most nights), and now, he is so happy and trusting (he's 5 months). He probably cries in total max 5 minutes a day, because he knows his needs will be met. Ignore what others say and do what you feel is right for you and your baby!

Dianna - posted on 05/17/2009

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well sweetie hes not insecure but cute thought he loves his mommy, the smell of you and the sound of your voice and heartbeat everything he was used to inside your tummy, try just laying next to him patting his butt, and back or even rubbing his back. take the shirt you wore that day and lay it next to him that way he can still smell you. lol hes awfully cute

[deleted account]

I too was told with my first that if I held him too much he would become this super attached monster who would never leave my side and never let me out of his sight! It was painful to hear so many people tell you these things when you are a new mother. I never let him cry though, I hate crying babies at any age, I just want to scoop them up and give them a great big hug and kiss! Well needless to say I did the make the mistake of not holding my first more often for fear of what people had told me(and this was the opposite of what I wanted to be as a mother in the first place!), but I tried it and I regret it so much now, because I look back and he has grown so fast, and now he is 27mths and in July he wont be the only child anymore. I held him often enough but not often enough, if that somehow makes any sense. He is a great and loving child though, I think I am lucky the way he turned out so far because he is the warmest child I know, very caring and has love for everything and everyone. I do know that what people tell you for spoiling a baby is not possible, you cannot spoil a baby with love! You can only spoil your children with money, not hugs and kisses and letting them know you are always there for them.

Enjoy the time you have with your little one while it lasts because they grow so quickly, and before you know it you will look back at the pictures of your child when they were a baby and be sad(I cry) at how quickly they have grown!

Brooke - posted on 05/17/2009

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He's only 1 month old ? No insecurity there, he's a baby. It's completely natural for a baby to want closeness, esp. to mommy. Both my baby's were that way and I held them as much as I could.....the time flies by, so enjoy him little ! Don't believe junk about "letting him cry it out"...that's unnatural. Hold him, hold him, hold him......with time he'll naturally become more independent ( and if he doesn't be thankful for a little person who loves his momma SO much )

Helen - posted on 05/17/2009

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I used to put the t shirt that i had worn that day on his bed (mattres inside like a pillow case) i would try and get someone else to put him to bed as you don't want to be doing this when he is 4!. wean him off you slowly and gently.

Cathelijn - posted on 05/17/2009

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ow my I had the same problem and I was really worried about creating a '' monster'' :-) and that I would never be able to put her down and that she would never sleep on her own... Especially because lots of old school people liked to tell me that I was holding her to much and that crying doesn't hurt a baby apperantly it is good for their lungs??.. I think it is just normal they like to know that you are there for them and I would enjoy it while it lasts my daughter is 6 months and she gets annoyed when I am trying to hold her when she is sleepy...

Ez - posted on 05/17/2009

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Most babies are like this for the first couple of months - my daughter sure was! And I too would stress that I was creating bad habits for her by always rocking her to sleep, but the reality is that you can't spoil a baby this young (though people did say the same thing to me). Newborns need the closeness and comfort of their Mum. If you indulge him now you will help him gain the confidence that will later allow him to separate from you slightly. My baby nurse advised me to give my daughter a 'grace period' of 6-8 weeks, as it takes this long for the poor little things to get accustomed to their new surroundings.
I then embarked on some modified sleep training with her at 9 weeks, but I never left her to scream, and I would certainly not let a month old baby Cry It Out. That form of sleep training should not be used til the child is at least 4 months old, and even then the intervals of crying would need to be less than for an older baby. I concentrated on teaching my daughter to self-soothe (ie. put herself to sleep), and the trick was to watch for her tired signs, make sure she wasn't hungry or wet/dirty, wrap/swaddle her then put her to bed sleepy but awake. When she cried, and she did the first few times, I would comfort her with a pat and 'ssssshhhhh' without picking her back up (if possible). I didn't talk or even give her eye contact, as this way she got the reassurance of me being there while still getting the message it was sleep time. It seriously took 2 days and she was going down by herself, and it was the best thing I ever did. So don't listen to the people who tell you to let him scream. Enjoy this time and then when you're both ready focus on teaching him to self-soothe. I promise you won't be rocking him to sleep forever!!!

Sarah - posted on 05/17/2009

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hello Natasha! as your little one is only a month old i wouldn't worry too much just yet!! Have you tried a swaddle blanket?? they worked wonders for my two, and it gives them that secure feeling of being in the womb again. :)

Samantha - posted on 05/16/2009

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my pediatrician said that you cant spoil a baby that young. theres nothing wrong with giving your little one the attention! they grow up waay too fast!

[deleted account]

I was told not to start "sleep training" before the baby is at least 13lbs and past 3 months... Babies need to be comforted and it's a period of bonding between you and your baby. You are not spoiling him this is just a ridiculous thing people say. Give him a chance and give yourself the pleasure of rocking your baby. Later on you can start putting him down in his crib while he's still awake and you can start a sleep routine of your choice. If it feels right to you it most probably is.

Natasha - posted on 05/16/2009

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I will probably miss it when it stops too and i do love it now. i have just had ppl tell me that i can't hold him all the time cos then I'm spoiling him and i will never be able to get him out of it later on. They say i just hafta let him scream and that will get him to sleep. But it doesn't work it just makes it worse. So is it OK to hold him all the time? Or am i just making a bigger problem for myself later on?

Jeanie - posted on 05/16/2009

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My daughter was like that for the first couple months. I honestly think it's just because of the reasons Trish listed before me. Babies need your warmth, security and love... And who doesn't love falling asleep with a loved one's arms around them!! Enjoy it while it lasts because it doesn't last long! I wish Hailey would fall asleep in my arms once in a while just so I could hold her while she sleeps, it's such a sweet show of love and trust! I miss it! lol

Trish - posted on 05/16/2009

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Awwww he isn't insecure, he's just human! :) He's only 1 month old, so think about this: He just came out of a warm, comfortable, quiet, embrace of your womb....to a cold, loud, big, open world! He just likes the comfort you give him....

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