NEW and need HELP!!!

Elisabeth - posted on 05/18/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Hello! My name is Elisabeth. I'm 21 years old and a single mother. I have a 16 month old daughter named Hannah. I put her in daycare a couple months ago and all she learned is to throw fits and hit me. My question is when I tell her "NO!" and tap her hand she still hits me back. Hard too! What do I do?

18 Comments

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Kirsty - posted on 05/22/2009

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at my sons preschool they use the STOP principal-so at home i hv introduced it as the word NO means do it again to him.
wen she hits u tell her to stop, if she does it again tell her stop again and take her hand away, if she does it again tell her stop grab her hand walk her to a corner nd make her sit in it and tell her i have told u 3 times to stop now u can hv time out and make her sit there for 2mins.
kids are best wen in a routine so if u make all the discipline the same for each naughty thing she does within a wk or so she will realise its not allowed.

Candace - posted on 05/21/2009

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the first thing i would do is ask her daycare provider what is going on and why she is doing this. If she is learning it from another child talk to the parents and maybe you all can try and resolve it. And if the daycare should have been telling you what is going on during the day. The daycare my child goes to has a very good communication system with the parents and if a child is doing something wrong they need to tell you and explain what it is that they are doing to help prevent it from going even further.

Erin - posted on 05/21/2009

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Hi Elisabeth, i'm also 21.

If my son chucks tantrums, i walk away and ignore his behaviour. and when he is calm i tell him mummy isnt going to lisen when you are bein silly. and for the hitting yeah Jakoby was the same so now i sit him down tell him that it hurts mummy and to not do it if he still does i walk away and ignore it. this is starting to work he still sometimes thinks its a game to hit but he is slowly learning. Good luck hope this has helped

Holly - posted on 05/20/2009

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welcome ,i used to be a single mom and i have been blessed with a verry lovely man and now 2 kids of our own ...it is verry hard to drop kids of at daycare .you knever know what they are learing .if i were u i would drop in on differnt days to see what she is up to , and to see waht the staff is doing ..one time not to scare you i came home earily one time to pick my oldest up for an app and he wsa out side with 3-4 other kids with nooo adult .....and whe n she hits you dont hit back ,tell her that it hurts you and now she dont get someting that she likes when she gets home ...you should also ask the day care what do they do when other kids hit her or vice verce if she hits them ?my boys are older 9yrs old at the time the incident happend at teh day care my son was 5...but now they get grounded and they have to sit and watch all others play ...i say since she is still little you should get a pink chair for day care adn ask them if she hits tell her no we dont hit our friends and put her in the chair and the same at home no dont hit mommy ect ,but i would only do like 2 min or even like a rug so she dont fall off ..(usse something that she dont know yet ,like not her bed cause you dont want her to start thinking that bed time is bad ...good luck hope i was helpfull any q look me up

Kacie - posted on 05/20/2009

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Hi my name is Kacie. I have a 3 1/2 yr old boy. He picked up the same nasty habit that your daughter did and around the same age. At 14months theres not that much reasoning you can do with your child. Keep it simple! Shes hitting to get her point across. What I used to do is firmly tell him that hitting hurts and send to timeout chair. 1 min per yrs old. I dont dissagree with a smack on the hand. It shows them what if feels like to hit and they usually dont like it. My son would hit back occasionally but after of few months of sitting in time out he was done! The most important part is NO WARNINGS! If they get warnings they know they can get away with it at least once. Not a good idea! They are sponges and it will take longer to get out of this rut. Good luck :)

Susan - posted on 05/20/2009

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She may be just acting out she went from having you all the time to being away from you so when you are around her try to focus on her and give her your undivided attention when she hits you tell her "thats not nice if you hit mommy again mommy will stop playing and you will have to (sit down, go to bed, or go to the corner). Try one of these and if one does not work try another one. I had a problem with my middle child doing this when I got pregnant with my last baby the corner worked for her.hopefully this helps!

Laura - posted on 05/20/2009

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hi, my 18 month old is getting spiteful and i must admit i tried tapping her bk but she thought it was a game, I've just given her her 1st time out (literally 2 mins ago) and I must admit it seemed to get through to her! Will have to wait and see how often she will keep doing it, but fingers crossed it will work!

Charlie - posted on 05/20/2009

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shes only doing what she knows , you just did it so shes gonna try it , you need to use your voice to be firm with her if she continues ignore her she will soon learn throwing tantrums wont get her any attention , the trick is to be consistant with your discapline if you chop and change it will have no effect , as a teacher of 30 4-year olds and a parent i have found this to be pretty effective .

Jenni - posted on 05/20/2009

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Yeah, Dom does the same sometimes, too. What doesn't help is that he has discovered "fake" crying. When I tell him no after he hits someone, he sometimes gives me the boo-boo lip and sobs a little, trying to get out of it. He's too young to have learned that! He's not even 11 months!
Hey, maybe you could bring it up to her caretakers at the DayCare center?

Tiffany - posted on 05/19/2009

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Quoting pauine:

hi my name is pauline i have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. dont respond back with a tap its sending her the wrong message. its saying its ok to hit. i would just put her in her cot until she has calmed down then try and talk to her



I agree that tapping her may give her the idea that 'mommy hits me, so i can hit mommy'



but since when are 16 month olds able to reason with an adult? I HATE this thinking. YES, its a great way to parent - to reason with your child instead of hitting them or ggrounding them with no explanation... but WHEN they are ready!



uh, sorry, I just had to get that out there. I know another couple who sits thier 14 month old down and says "now, hunny, you know that throwing things at your sister is bad. Daddy needs to know why you did that? Hm? Answer me, hunny, tell daddy why you did that? We need to learn to be nicer.........." blah blah... they dont understand conversations!

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

cant believe the child care taught her that. personally i would hit her back hard enough so that she doesnt try it again.


Obviously the hitting isn't working, so I would say that hitting harder is probably not the best idea.  She is only 16 months old, so you would want to teach her to communicate and have a little time to think about things.  I think most of the people have responded greatly, but I do think that the one lady was right about the time out in the bed, just because then they start thinking that the bed is a bad place and not want to go to bed.  I would use a dining chair or something else. But good luck I know how hard it is.  But don't take the easy way and just hit harder and harder it takes effort to do the time out, but I personally feel it is worth it.  Just my opinion, but there is some reason that hitting children too hard is illegal and it's just uneccasary if other things work well.

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2009

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I would never hit my child back to teach them a lesson. That just seems a little wrong. A child that young is merely doing as it sees.. remember the old saying" monkey see Monkey do?" well.. that applys to kids. .Even when they are older. IF they see it and arent taught they do it.. Better idea.. Show her Compassion.. when she hits you.. Pretend to cry. Cover your eyes and act sad. Then if nothing do the time out. You hurt mommy.. You sit here.

Or friends at daycare. .. WE dont hit our friends.. Apologize to them.. And reafferm WE dont hit. ITs not nice.

Please dont hit the child back.. That only teaches them to continue violence as communication.

Mel - posted on 05/19/2009

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cant believe the child care taught her that. personally i would hit her back hard enough so that she doesnt try it again.

Nicole - posted on 05/19/2009

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She's still young and doesn't understand. I'd say don't make her timeout in her cot, it's a place to rest and to feel safe. I have put my kids on the bottom stair and they stay there for what there age is. So my 7 year old stays for 7 mins, my 4 year old 4 mins, my 2 year old 2 mins and my 18 month old sit for 1 min or less. Say to her when she hits you, No hitting. If she hit you again Say No Hitting a walk her to her timeout. I hope this help's.

Jessica - posted on 05/19/2009

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If she has seen another child doing this then chances are she is experimenting. At her age she doesnt know that it's wrong to hit.

You could try coming down to your daughters level and say Hannah we don't hit people OR Hannah hitting hurts. Then pick her up and place her in her cot or on a chair for time out. Tell her she is in time out and say you are in time out for hitting and only leave her there for 1 minute. Eventually she will learn hitting is not ok. Wont take long either less than a week I recon.

I do feel that taping her hand when she does this might confuse her and she could end up thinking it's a game.

Sure hope this helps you out.
best of luck

Camille - posted on 05/18/2009

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yea, I'm not sure hitting her back is best. But I think each child is different. Some respond to talking or time-out others don't. My 2 year old would kinda do the same thing. I hold his hand by his side and say no sir! and ask does he want me to hit him back?? He says "no" of course, you just have to " get" her everytime. She will finally stop. Good luck!!

Nikki - posted on 05/18/2009

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Get a "time out rug" and tell her if you hit mommy you sit on your time out rug for 2 minutes and get a timer out. Some kids respond poorly to spanking, hopefully the time out works.

Pauine - posted on 05/18/2009

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hi my name is pauline i have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. dont respond back with a tap its sending her the wrong message. its saying its ok to hit. i would just put her in her cot until she has calmed down then try and talk to her

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