rude 9 year old

Kelley - posted on 05/21/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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i have a daughter who will be nine in sept and has a wicked attitude and talks back all the time. shes a great kid and very smart. any suggestions on how to cool down her attitude.??

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Shameron - posted on 05/21/2009

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From a young age with the girls we established that ugly and pretty had nothing to do with appearances. Normally when they back talk or fight or argue, I can say something like "This is very ugly behavior" or "You are being very ugly right now" and it will cool them down.

Also, another thing that helps is the conversation about good choices and bad choices. My kids are 3 years younger so this has an effect still, not sure how well it will work on yours. One night my oldest and I sat down and had a conversation about what good choices and bad choices would be, we went through all sorts of scenarios and I had her point out if it would have been a good choice or a bad choice. It was a chance to talk about some of her key point behaviors without pointing fingers and to also be silly. Some of the things I would ask would be "walking across the street without looking both ways first is a .... " and she would answer that it is a bad choice. "Fighting with sissy is a ...." and so on and so forth. We would mix it up with silly silly things like.. "Stringing sissy up from the ceiling with duct tape by her toes..." It keeps it light hearted but later on when she started acting up I would pull it out. "Hey Layla, do you think this is a good choice or a bad choice." In this way she started picking up reasoning on her own and thinking about what good choices and bad choices were.

I had even heard her telling one of her friends one day that was over for a play date that she was making a bad choice. We have a no kids on the bunk bed rule unless it's for bed time and the friend was trying to climb up the bed after already being told no once. My daughter told her "Climbing up the bed would be a bad choice. Let's find something different to do."

Perhaps with your little one you can try it as well. Talk to her one night when she's not in trouble about good choices and bad choices. Bring up having an attitude or back talking or being snotty and she will agree at that time that it is a bad choice. If you want to add more to it, have her explain why they are bad choices. Ie. When you talk back and are being snotty it hurts people's feelings and it is just something that is not done with adults. Discuss possible consequences of her bad choices and what she has to gain by her good choices. When she does it when it isn't in play and is mouthing off, just simply look at her and ask if she thinks if what she is doing is a good choice or a bad choice.

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Shameron - posted on 05/21/2009

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Another thing I was thinking about that might help, is turning off your ears. My kids are passive agressive so they don't back talk to get their way or to make a point, they whine. This DROVE ME UP THE WALLS. One thing I started doing with them and it's actually worked is turning off my ears. I explained to them that whining makes me not want to listen to them any more and that every time they whine my ears shut off. So when they would start whining I would tell them that my ears were shut off for 30 minutes which meant that anything they wanted, extra treats, to go to the pool, to go to the park didn't happen because I couldn't hear their request. This might work with back talking and attitude as well.

Tiffany - posted on 05/21/2009

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in a non forceful way let her know who is boss. I hated when my mom would say attituted check, but it worked. tell her you dont like the way she is talking back and let her know she is being rude.

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