Step-Kids

Valencia - posted on 05/21/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I need some help getting over feelings of resentment towards my boyfriend over his kids. I love them and want to give them a good life, but since we only have them every 2weeks, I feel that I'm putting forth too much energy and time into them when he should be instead. I don't mind spending money on them, but also feel bitter about most of my money going to them when he should be footing the bill. I just don't like them having holey shoes or tight clothing, so someone has to buy these things.

Does anyone else feel resentment as well towards step-kids??? Do you feel like you're spending more time with them then the father??

4 Comments

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Jessica - posted on 05/25/2009

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That doesn't seem right! However males are not really very good at these things they rely a lot on woman to do the shopping and clothes buying and stuff.

He should however spend more time with them as he does only see them once every 2 weeks and that isn't very often.

Perhaps with the clothing thing he may feel it's the mothers job to pay for those sorts of things as they are in her care 90% of the time.

Perhaps you partner doesn't know how you are feeling? Perhaps he assumes that you are enjoying the parenting roll and he's enjoying the break??? How long have you been together?

Perhaps you need to talk to him. If it's like this now what will it be like if you guys have a child together?

I would try not to feel resentment towards the children as it's not their fault they are just kids and they have no control over what is happening.

All the best hope you work it out.

Penny - posted on 05/24/2009

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I pretty much had this same situation. The father and i are no longer together but I know how you feel and deep down i think that you might be trying to buy thier love a little bit. I did that same thing and only now do I realize that. Have you said something to him about it. It is very hard to be with someone who has kids. Maybe set up something where everytime you have them they each get one little thing or something of that nature that way all of your money isn't being spent. Thrift stores are AMAZING and if they are having holey shoes and clothes that are not fitting sounds like something should be said to thier mother or thier father if you get what I mean. Just talk with him about it. It is not your responsibility to take care of them and I am sure that you are doing it because you love and care about him but it can cause some issues in the relationship down the road because you will tend to hold it in and then start to slowly hate him for it .

Valencia - posted on 05/24/2009

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Thanks for responding. It's not like I want to stay away or anything, but when they come over it feels like I'm doing all the entertaining, cleaning up after them, etc. He's the disciplinarian because I'm a pushover, but I wish he'd take more initiative to do things with them as a group activity instead of sending them to play in their room or making them go outside vs. playing a game with them or reading with them. We have fun as a family on weekends, we've been together for almost 3 years now. But I find the kids always come to me for snacks, drinks, can I do this or that. Is it because I'm not as nit-picky or strict. I figure, whats the harm in doing......... , why be such a stick in the mud LOL Me and him differ on certain things but whatever right? They're his kids so he can deal with it, I have my own to worry about. But I want them to have nice things, and I find it hard to always be spending my money (I make more then him) on stuff for 3 kids, when only one is mine. And his ex gets upset because I buy my son stuff all the time brand new and he buys them thrift store stuff. I'm not going to skimp on my own kid, because it not like I haven't bought them brand new stuff too. But if he wants it, he can pay right?

Francesca - posted on 05/21/2009

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well when i first got with my husband his children were 1 1/2 and 5. at first it was really hard i wanted to stay away, i felt their not mine so its best i stay away so their dad can enjoy the time with them. how long you been with your bf? and does he ever pay for things?

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