unwanted advice

Heather - posted on 05/18/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband & I are the youngest with both families, Everyone else has already had kids & their growing up. I'm tired of people giving advice & telling us what they did. I love our grandparents, but they raised their kids a long time ago & alot of things have changed. Most women in my family didnt nurse but i did & yet they try to tell me how to do it just cause they read it or see it on tv. Please Help what do i say???

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I suggest the "Bean Dip" method. This topic comes up a lot of breastfeeding support boards. It goes something like this:

Them: "You're still breastfeeding?"
You: "Yes. Hey, do you want some bean dip?"

Them: "Is he sleeping though the night yet? You should top him off with formula."
You: "Thanks for asking, He sleeps fine. Would you like some bean dip?"

Them: "Do you always pick him up when he cries?"
You: "Yes. Hey do you want some bean dip? It's really good."

You get the idea.... Be gracious, don't argue or get defensive, change the subject. We all go through this - my son is even the first grandchild on either side, yet everyone has unsolicited child-rearing advice. Just be confident in your decisions.

Cheryl - posted on 05/18/2009

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i usually go with a simple "thank you for your SUGGESTION" this way you are still making your family feel as though you are listening to them and taking in what they have to say but at the same time letting them know that maybe you just need to figure things out on your own, every child is diffrent so what might work for someone on TV might not work for you and your baby. only you as mom will know what works best.

Kim - posted on 05/18/2009

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I think this happens with everyone.. but I would not take it personally..they just want to lend a few tips they might have learned along the years.. and right now you might not want the advice but the worst thing to do is get upset. Just say thank you for the great ideas.. I'll remember that for next time...( it worked for me! )

User - posted on 05/18/2009

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I went thru the same thing with my ex mother in law and finally I had to say "I'm not trying to be rude and I appreciate you trying to help but this is something that I would like to decide with my husband."

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