What's wrong with me?!

Catherine - posted on 05/17/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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Hi! I'm 22 and married and lately, whenever I go out in public with my 11 month old son, I feel like I have to do absolutely everything perfect or people would judge me. It sounds weird, but I'm getting really anxious whenever I do anything at all. At home, I give my 11 month old son the odd sip of milk, but the other day I was having milk at a Tim Hortons and went to offer it to my son and felt like I could be criticized for giving my son milk under one year. That's just one example.... it happens with everything. Do I put his jacket on for a light breeze even though we're going straight to the car? What if people think my son's cold? What if he coughs on his cheese pieces I'm giving him and someone gets the impression that my son's not ready for cheese pieces yet and I'm being a stupid young mom, when in reality he's fine with it? etc etc etc! I just can't relax! I've read three thick baby and toddler books, and research EVERYTHING before I do it, but I'm still so .... anxious, for lack of a better word. What's going on!? I take excellent care of my son, all the time, yet this is still happening!

20 Comments

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Naomi - posted on 05/19/2009

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If this is your first child it's pretty normal to feel as though you're not doing a good enough job taking care of your child. But be assured, God gave you a child for a reason He knew you could handle the situation. He knows that you are the best mom for your son. No one could do a better job with him than you do... that's why you're his mom. don't worry about it. You're alright.

Ashley - posted on 05/19/2009

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Your anxiety could be a side effect from your medication. But on another note, try to think of it this way...the only opinion that should matter to you, on the subject of your son's care, is your son's! Is he happy? I'll bet he is, and he loves you and you are the world to him. That's what I think when I start to worry about what other people are thinking. I just look at my daughter and she knows I love her and will take great care of her, and that's all that matters to me. As a mom, you can do no wrong in the eyes of your baby...you are perfect as far as they are concerned. Hope that helps.

Leeanne910 - posted on 05/19/2009

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i was 20 when i had my little one and exactly like you too - also i lacked the confidence needed to go to toddler groups - now i work in a children's centre helping people build their self esteem etc....but seriously...only one person knows their child better - and that is YOU dont doubt yourself and stuff everyone else - you probly wont see them again any way :)

Melanie - posted on 05/19/2009

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trust me i know the feeling. the other day i ran into the store for 1 thing and my daughter was asleep in her car seat so i left my diaper bag in the car. as soon as i got inthe store she woke up and started to cry and this lady asked me why i wasnt giving her a paci so i told her i left it in the car then she asked where her socks were (its florida and 96 degrees) when i responded she told me that as a mother i should know better...i really wanted to smack her. in addition to being perfect in public i feel like i have to beeven better aroubd my mother in law, i now she means well and is tring to help but sometimes it makes me feel like i am doing things wrong. so there you have it. your not alone in the world.

Natalie - posted on 05/18/2009

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at the end of the day no matter what age we are, we will always be doing something that someone out there doesn't agree with, i guarentee it ! it's just the way of the world, no-one does things the sam, so stop worrying, you will drive yourself mad otherwise !

User - posted on 05/18/2009

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Hey as long as you are caring for your child to the best of your abilities who cares what everyone else thinks just cuz your young doesn't mean your stupid you shouldn't let it bother u

Sarah - posted on 05/18/2009

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Okay first things first............I was the SAME way! My daughter is now 4 going on 5. Trust me when I say it will all be okay. When I look back on it now I still have people who say "dont take advice from her, she was crazy" But I will tell you that my daughter is the best in her dance class........one of the smartest children in her pre-school.....AND only needs to be taken to the doctors for checkups. So to all of those people who care so much about what your doing, tell them its because you care too much. And thats not a bad thing! You need to sit down and relax!!! Have a glass of wine and just play with your child. You will soon see nothing else matters.

Charlene - posted on 05/18/2009

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im used of the looks now tht i get because i look younger than i am and i had this woman say to my mother in law right infront of me can she look after them, so i used to worry all the time now i just let them look. you can give your child what you want my health visiter told me its ok to give my son fresh milk but just sips or mix it in with his breackfast that way he will get used to it as it is really hard to swich them straight on to it when they one and my son is 9 month. try not to worry about it too much or it will bring you down aslong as your baby is appy and healthy your doing a great job, which i think he looks in the pic.

Catherine - posted on 05/18/2009

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Thanks for all the support! I feel sooo much more confident now. We'll see what happens when we go to the zoo this week : ) ...

Also... in response to Erin Handley... I do have cardiomyopathy (a form of heart disease, a complication from my pregnancy) that's being treated with Beta Blockers (Atenolol), so maybe my anxiety's a side effect of the medication?? I never connected the two before. I do get anxious at home too, but not where it concerns my son, or as bad. I have a Dr. appointment in two weeks, I'll have to ask him! Thanks!

Vanessa - posted on 05/17/2009

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My mom always says if he will eat give it to him as long as he 's eating. But I lost my wic cards when my oldest son was 10mths and I start giving him regular milk because wic wouldn't issue me anymore cards. Don't worry what other ppl. think because ppl. raise their kids different. That's the way it has always been.

Mel - posted on 05/17/2009

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im a little like this when my child health nurse or others of the doctors that see my daughter. because im young as well they assume i dont know what im doing and tell me to do things i was already just about to do. its really unfair. i think thats why i dont feel bad when i go out i just feel proud to be feeding her all our foods, and proud in the way i dress her etc as long as i know im doing right im not bothered what everyone in the street thinks. but i know for some people it can be hard. and babies choke its a fact of like, mine does all the time her dietician always said let her sort it out for herself. you decide whats right for your child not anyone else, even if others would have done things different it doesnt matter because what you do with your baby is your choice

Trish - posted on 05/17/2009

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Hi there , i am 22 myself and have a 3 yr old boy and another baby due in three monthes , i wouldnt worry about others because like they say only a mother knows. You are pretty much the only one in the world that knows what is best for your child! Every Child is different so you need to treat children that way to suit thier needs. My son was eating Tiny peices of Steak at Seven monthes old (call me crazy) in a restaurant so i really dont think a sip of milk under a year would hurt him. My son threw away the bottle at ten monthes old i had no choice but to give him milk at that age because he wouldnt drink formula. Live your life worrying about what the child needs and not what others think of your parenting. There is no such thing as a perfect mother and if there is then please god let me meet her!!

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2009

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Look.. No one knows your child better than you do. And yes there are going to be THOSE PARENTS that make you cringe. Dont feel so anxious and freaked out over what people think. My thoughts... Look this is my child. I will raise my child . You rainse your child and then we talk.

People judge people for STUPID things. And its usally an insecurity in themselves that they are feeding into ( Im a better parent that that. I would never let my child do this or that wear this or that eat this or that or be here or there) . If more people spent the time they do judging other parents, raising thier children. We would have a lot of AWESOME parents... Take a deep breath. Shrug them off and continue to be the awesome mom that you are.. With your own style of doing things. THE HECK WITH WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

Ez - posted on 05/17/2009

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Sounds like you're doing a great job raising your son. You seem like a thoughtful and well-informed mum so from as outsider's perspective you definitely have nothing to worry about. So I wonder if there may be some medical/chemical reason for these feelings? Are you only anxious regarding your son, or does it happen other times? Is it possible you may have developed an Anxiety Disorder?? And when you have these anxious feelings, do you get any physical symptoms (eg, breathlessness, palpitations, nausea, dizziness). If so, you might want to talk to your doctor as what you are dealing with may require more than just being able to relax :) If not, and you feel you're just being a worry-wort I agree with Kate - if you knew how often other people actually thought of you, you wouldn't worry so much.

[deleted account]

I think the worse thing a new Mom can do is read too many books! Most of the people who write these "Novels of Nonsense" don't even have children of their own just a degree in theory! Even if they have kids there is a good chance they have one thing that makes parenting perfection easier MONEY! If I could pay a housekeeper to keep up with my place I would have all the time on Earth to teach my Son the English, French, and Spanish words for Duck!

My Son is 13 months . He has gone out shopping to the mall in a sleeper because when we get home it's his bed time, I'm not going to wrestle him into his oolala outfit for a 20 minute jaunt out! We gone to McDonalds where he's happily eaten his Happy Meal grill cheese, milk and, Heaven Forbid, FRENCH FRIES!!! He's booted off one shoe in the car and gotten to tour the grocery store with one shoe on.

I'm more concerned about my child overheating in the car than the slight breeze to the car. He HATES jackets and overheats quickly. So which is worse, him having a 2 second jaunt to the car without a jacket OR him overheating and being the most miserable creature on the face of this planet.



If someone has the NERVE to say something just brush them off. "Oh he only has one shoe that isn't right." My Reply, "He only wanted the one on and I don't want it lost in the store." OR "NOTHING" and just keep walking. Most critics don't have Cinderella story book children themselves.

Jennifer - posted on 05/17/2009

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I am a step mom to an awesome 8 yr. old boy. I get told that I can be too harsh with my son. But realistically who is really in my shoes besides my husband and myself? No one. I don't care what people think. You do what you feel is right for your child and that is all that matters. Hope this helps.



-Jennifer

Julie - posted on 05/17/2009

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people are harsh. don't worry about them only you know the kind of mom you are. I get looks all the time it gets easier to ignore.

Becky - posted on 05/17/2009

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Even if you were doing everything by the book, there will always be those that judge you and will find something to critique you on. You need to not let them bother you. You are his mother and mother's know best.

Sara - posted on 05/17/2009

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Hi! I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel the same way but you know... there are people out there who are going to think the worst regardless.. you are his mother and you know what he needs the most more than anyone. You just have to keep your head up and focused on you and your baby dont pay attention to anyone else. you are obviously doing a great job if you care this much ..you must be putting in alot of thought about your child! I know when I see other mothers with their baby I am like wow I am not the only one giving milk to them before 1 or dont know quite what to put them in... everyone is the same way ..just relax and enjoy being a great mom!!!

Kate CP - posted on 05/17/2009

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Worrying about what other people will think is exhausting. Honestly, if you knew how often people didn't think about you or what you're doing you wouldn't worry about it so much. People are too worried about themselves to notice what you're doing.Trust me. :)

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