What to do when your ex has made time for a new relationship but not his kids?

Jamie - posted on 05/04/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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So I just found out that my ex has somehow managed to find time for a new relationship. He only lives 25 minutes from me and his kids and he barely calls and makes no attempt to come and see them. He doesn't pay any child support and I feel like he's totally betrayed his children. What should I do?!

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Jamie - posted on 05/06/2009

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Ignore what hes doing. If he doesnt want to see then you cant force him. However, you can take his booty to court for child support, and if you have and hes not paying take him back to get it enforced. But dont let his being a bonehead bring you down, just be there for your kids.

Tee - posted on 05/06/2009

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Okay after reading everyone's thoughts I might sound a little crazy. I have a 10 year old daughter. Her father doesn't do much for her at all. He may come pick her up for the weekend about once or twice a month. He doesn't pay child support for her after I have spoken to him plenty of times about this. He started paying in November but I haven't received a payment since February (I know he is a loser). Then I started to change the way I handled the situation.



I feel that if he does not want to take care of her the right way, why should I stress myself out and continue to fight for child support from a man that doesn't want to pay. Why should I have to waste my time in court and racking up attorney fees to make this man do what he know he should be doing. I am letting God handle the sitution. I believe He will work it out.



I definitely would not spend all my time fighting him in court. For what? So they can garnish his check and then he quits his job then I would have to take him right back to court. It is not even worth it. I have better things to do with my time then fight a man for a couple dollars.



I work for the family division and I see these cases in Court everyday. I would not subject myself to such nonsense. Let him miss out on what he knows he should be doing. He will pay for it later.

Melissa - posted on 05/06/2009

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I agree with Amie Kube, let him mess up. Go after him for child support because eventually the court system will take it from his pay check or his tax return. Don't put him down in front of the kids, because then you are almost as bad as he is. Don't talk about him unless they bring him up, and in that case you can tell them that they can try to call him.

Tiffany - posted on 05/06/2009

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Also, if you need someone to talk to, I am there. Just let me know, if I can do anything to help. :)

Tiffany - posted on 05/06/2009

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Hi Jamie, I have just gone through a very similar situation. My ex, lived 15 minutes away, but decided that he didnt want to see our daughter or pay child support. So, I started the very long fight, of fighting for child support. Come to find out a few months later, his new girlfriend, was pregnant. So, not only did he not want our daughter, but he has since had a girl with his girlfriend. SO, the best advice I can give you is to let it go. It is not worth getting yourself upset. Your children can feel and feed off you emotions, and its just not good all around. But, I would also not let him get away with not paying child support. I know its a long, tedius, pain in the butt process, but by letting him get away with it, will just enforce and condone his behavior. I get great pleasure out of going to court, knowing that he REALLY hates going and seeing me look good, and putting up a fight. He wants you to just give up so he can live his life without having to pay for his children. Its like having the best of both worlds, and it makes you suffer. All I know, is that I am prepared to fight my daughters "sperm donor" for the next 18 years. Just so that he doesnt get away with it. Good Luck.

Jamie - posted on 05/05/2009

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Thank you all for the comments! Yes it surely is a tough situation. I have been a single mom for a long time... I just thought that his moving closer to us to be "near his kids", actually meant communicating with them and seeing them, on occasion at least. I have always tried to let his kids (now 7 & 8) form their own thoughts and opinions about him, and I agree he is digging his own grave. It just breaks my heart!

I do plan on filing for child support by the end of the week, after I can speak with an attorney about it first (since my ex does have some legal background-and he's told me it would cost me a lot of $$ to take him to court, bastard!).

In addition to this great feedback, we are lucky enough to have friends and family around us. And as bad as this is going to sound, I think the kids have pushed him back in their minds a little ways. But again, it just BREAKS my heart for the kids sake!

Devon - posted on 05/05/2009

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File for child support and full custody right away. if you file for full custody then he will be granted weekends and every other holiday, then he will have to take them. i would definately file for both of them, because he helped make your children, he can help pay for them. if you do this and he doesn't take them, then you can get him into some serious trouble for disobeying a court order. if he doesn't want to do it or pay then ask him to sign his rights over and find someone who will step up and be a father figure to your children. good luck and hope it works out well for you

Karla - posted on 05/05/2009

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Hey Jamie, I been in that situation and it hurts a lot. But you need to be strong for the kids, Keep them busy and make sure they know that you loved them. Your little ones will ask you about their daddy but dont make excuses for him just tell them what you think is right. Keep your chin up and be strong for your little angels they need you right now. He is the one who is missing out not you.

Annie - posted on 05/05/2009

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Court order child support (it's against the law to fail payment). Keep your children busy and happy. As painful as it is to not have dad around but he's already dug his own grave with his kids. Sounds like a real winner! When your littles are grown they'll realize how great mommy was and all the time she devoted to them.

Amie - posted on 05/04/2009

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Nothing and don't let it eat at you either. He wants to be this way let him, he's only hurting himself in the end. When he finally does show up and try to have a relationship with them and they go Who's he.. he'll realize how badly he's screwed up.

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