Would you dicipline your son/daughter if they were sent to the principles office for telling the teacher how they are supposed to do there job after being warned if he/she didn't listen they would be sent there?

Amy - posted on 05/21/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My step daughter is in the 2nd grade and my husbands mom is furious because he's going to ground her the weekend while he has her cause her mom already grounded her there.

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Charlie - posted on 05/21/2009

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GROUNDING SHOULD NOT BE STOPPED JUST BECAUSE SHE IS GOING TO DADS EVEN THOUGH THE PARENTS LIVE SEPERATELY THEY SHOULD HONOR EACH OTHERS PUNSHMENTS BECAUSE IF NOT THEN WHAT IS THE POINT YOU DO NOT GET UNGROUNDED JUST BECAUSE YOU GO TO SOME ONE ELSES HOUSE PUNISHMENT STANDS THERE IS NO ROOM TODAY FOR LETTING HER OFF FOR THE WEEKEND IF THIS MAKES SENSE

Charlie - posted on 05/21/2009

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HOW OLD IS THE CHILD? I EXPERIENCED MY DAUGHTER TELLING THE TEACHER ABOUT HERSELF AND HOW THINGS SHOULD BE DONE! MY THUGHT IS TALK TO YOUR CHILD AND FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT THE TEACHER IS DOING THAT CHILD IS CONTINUOUSLY POINTING OUT. HE OR SHE MAYBE SEEING SOMETHING THAT BOTHERS THEM AND JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE A CHILD NO ONE IS UNDERSTANDING THAT THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING HAPPENING ON THE TEACHERS PART. MY DAUGHTER CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL IN THE 1ST GRADE EVERY OTHER WEEK WITH A CONDUCT REPORT. SHE WASN'T VIOLENT AND MOST OF THE TIME IT WAS BECAUSE SHE CORRECTED THE TEACHER OR SOMEONE SAID SHE DID SOMETHING AND THE TEACHER NEVER INVESTIGATED THE SITUATIONS, WHEN I WENT TO THE PRINCIPLE HER RESPONSE WAS THATS TATTLING AND WE DON'T GIVE CONDUCT REPORTS FOR THAT AFTER PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS CLASS, TALKING TO THE CHILDREN AT DIFFERENT TIMES THE PROBLEM WAS THEN RESOLVED. MY SUGGESTON BASICLY IS TALK TO YOUR CHILD WITH THE TEACHER PRESENT WITH OUT A DISCIPLNARY HEARING AND THEN MAKE YOUR DECISION A LOT OF TEACHERS ARE STRESSED OUT AND GET FRUSTRATED THIS IS WHEN THEY TAKE ON THE 0 TOLERANCE AND FORGET THAT THESE ARE CHILDREN

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Beverley - posted on 05/22/2009

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I DONT THINK I WOULD DISIPLINE MY CHILD FOR EXPRESSIN HER OPINION ON THE TEACHERS ABILITY TO DO THERE JOB I SUPPOSE IT REALLY MATTERS BOUT WHAT SHE SAID I WOULD PROBABLY TALK TO MY CHILD AND ASK HER NEXT TIME TO COME TO ME OR HER DAD AND EXPRESS HER VIEWS AND SEE IF WE CAN SORT IT BETWEEN US AND IF NOT I WOULD THEN TAKE IT TO THE SCHOOL

Nikki - posted on 05/21/2009

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Did she serve her sentence? Did she learn her lesson? Did they sit down and talk with her? I understand that being sent to the office is a very big deal and it is a habit that should not be allowed to continue. But children at this age need to feel like they have a voice. They are constantly being told what to do and it can get frustrating if no adult is listening to them. This can definitely cause problems later on down the road. The adults in the situation need to find out what triggered the childs response. Yes, she should definitely understand that there is a consequence to misbehaviour but her age should also be taken into account.

Becky - posted on 05/21/2009

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Honey, listen. A child from a "broken family" needs to be treated like any other kid - and probably needs that more than any other kid! My mother tries to treat my oldest one with special preference, but I hold my ground every time. The child has to learn that no circumstances may give them an excuse to be treated differently or preferentially. If your mother is keeping her for the time being, she may choose what discipline she thinks is appropriate at what times. She SHOULD, however, consult with your husband (and you) and try to make her rules and discipline flow smoothly with yours and the child's mother. This would be the very least disruptive to the child's life, which is already somewhat disrupted and doesn't need any extra. Just be sure that the regulations in your home flow as smoothly with your step-daughter's mother's home as possible. That's the best you can enforce. Your husband does need to try to reason with his mom to help her see why all of his daughter's caregivers need to be consistent. And, his mother needs to understand that she's not the one with the place to determine the governing rules and disciplinary actions. She should simply do her best to enforce the ones set out by the child's parents.

About the school thing: I want to be clear that I don't believe that the child should be punished twice for the same offense. However, a punishment that is to be carried over between homes does need to be enforced so that the child understands that she's not punished by one parent and excused by the other. Also, I agree with the earlier poster that said that the parents need to discuss with her the proper way to bring up a correction to her teacher. Out of respect, it shouldn't be done in front of the class, and she needs to learn that. If she was being disrespectful or rude, a punishment from both parents is definitely in order.

I'm very sorry about your grandmother, and also about your home being taken. That must be very, very hard for all of you, and I hope things begin to look brighter in the very near future!

[deleted account]

It depends. Is the punshment over at her Moms house? If so then he needs to drop it, it's been taken care of, if it is still going on and will go through his weekend then yes she should stay grounded.



I have issues with my ex. I tell him that our daughter is on punishment and he doesn't care. Or something dumb happens (she was on "white" at school for forgetting to raise her hand and I told her that she just needs to try to remember) and he goes off on her.



You need to let your husband know that if he double punishes her then she'll either hide stuff when she gets older or not what to see him.

Amy - posted on 05/21/2009

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Well his mom is weird see we have to move in there with them because my nana passed away and the state is taking the house so it's rough and she doesn't think we should dicipline her at all because she comes from a "broken family" as she calls it. I agree that her punishment should continue her mom has grounded her and he should follow it out. Problem is we're moving and his mom will have her until we get done so it just makes me mad.

Jen - posted on 05/21/2009

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I don't think I would have punished her at all unless she was just being very rude. I would have explained to her that it's not proper to correct your teacher in front of the class. I may have taken one reward away just because she had been warned by the teacher, but nothing too severe. Also if she had already served out her grounding then I don't see why she should have to do it again. If it was in between houses and she hadn't finished then I could see continuing the grounding, but not making her do it all again. She's going to think she did something very wrong when in all actuality it wasn't something very bad that she did (like cussing out the teacher or anything like that). I don't see it being wrong for him to reiterate that what she did was not going to be tolerated, but to be punished again at that age, she's not going to be happy.

Heather - posted on 05/21/2009

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WOW! I Also just noticed that you said it is his mom that is mad. If her Mom says she is still punished, then so be it. Who cares what his mom has to say

Becky - posted on 05/21/2009

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I just re-read your question, and noticed that you said that your husband's MOM is furious, not his daughter. Oops! In this case, I believe he can politely tell her to get over it, since it is HIS daughter in question here. She can be mad if she wants to, but she's already raised her child. He and the child's mother (and step-parents, to a certain degree) are the only two that have the final say or a right to opine about a child's upbringing.

Heather - posted on 05/21/2009

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It is tough to say. If he gives separate punishments, her mom may feel as if he if not supportive of her parenting. Two punishments (not one punishment that is carried over) for one crime seems a bit unfair. If he does not respect the mother's wishes, there may be another time he punishes his daughter, but the mom dismisses it (or visa versa: I hope this is making sense b/c its scrambled in my head) Since she is only in 2nd grade, a long punishment may be too harsh. If her mother has seen enough to allow her to come off of punishment, it should be so. It would not hurt anybody if he sat his daughter down to discuss what happened in school. So long as her mom does not see this as a power struggle and "nobody punishes my child but me" kind of thing, she should have the final call in this particular situation. As the first woman said, if it had happened during his time, things would be different. I also think someone needs to research what exactly happened. What was his daughter so upset about? It might not be something as big as the teacher neglecting students (not permitting bathroom use is against the law, although some students abuse that rule, some teachers refuse to let anybody go. when a child soils themselves or has a medical condition... it would definitely stir up some drama), but you never know (unless you already do lol). Its too early for me to try explaining even further. I say... punishment is over. Good luck!

Becky - posted on 05/21/2009

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My youngest daughter lives at my house, and my oldest lives with her father. Here is how we handle "restrictions." If I put my oldest on restriction for bad behavior at my house, it's my choice how long the restriction should last (according, obviously, to the offense). If the offense warrants a week-long restriction, her father ensures that the punishment is enforced for the full length of time that I've decided when she returns home. This is regardless of his opinion of whether she should have been grounded for that long. He respects my authority as her mother and does not undermine my punishments for her. In the same way, when her father has to ground her for, say, a full week, beginning on Saturday, if it lasts through my weekend with her, I will enforce the punishment he chose for the length of time he deemed necessary, regardless of whether I would have chosen that length of time or not.

This allows for "seamless" parenting, and the child never has any room to play one parent against the other to get out of a deserved punishment. If your husband is choosing to ground the child, maybe it's not so much to teach her more of a lesson, and maybe it's to demonstrate to his daughter that he and her mom are on the same page with regards to what she did, and that they both agree together that she did wrong. If a child does something they should not, they need some sort of consequence for it, and both parents have to find a clear way to show they're both in agreement that it was wrong. This is for the stability of the child - not to give "double punishment."

As for the child being furious...well, children tend to get mad when they have to be punished, but that's okay. They will live through it. If they've done something wrong (and, I might point out that you mentioned that the child's teacher even gave her prior warning), then that choice must carry consequences that both parents are willing to enforce in order to let the child know that they cannot expect to come to one parent and be "off the hook." That's a terrible way to stably parent together when living in different homes. Your husband is doing right by his child, and, while I understand you wanting to make sure your step-daughter is treated fairly (mom-props for caring about your stepchild like that!), don't worry. He's probably just making sure that she gets that he and her mom BOTH agree that she was wrong and needs to be grounded. If the teacher warned her before she disobeyed again, and she willfully chose to ignore the teacher's warning, it sounds as though an extra weekend of grounding is definitely in order there. Let her be mad. She deserved the punishment, and parents only punish because they love.

Devon - posted on 05/21/2009

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I would say that if your step daughters mom already grounded her because of what she did, then there is no reason that he needs to ground her when you guys get her. she did her punishment at her mother's house and that is all she needs. now if it happened while in your husbands care, then it would be different. i wouldn't let him ground her if her mother already has. because what happened in school is done and over with now and i am sure she has learned her lesson. take care and good luck

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