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The "No Tolerance" in schools

Wendy - posted on 03/12/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

I have been having a problem this year and in the past but this year has been the worst of all. I have three children only two are school age. My son is going to be a freshman next year and has had his share of being picked on and teased. But he is a smart good looking kid that at times seems immature or naive. But he got through it with no real major issues. Most of the kids he had problems with are now best friends. But my daughter is having the worst year with it. She is in the fifth grade and she is this beautiful girl that in the past she made friends with everyone in the class. We never received a bad note other than she was talking to much. But this year she was placed in the same class as this girl on our street. They have never been able to get along. Not sure what it is , I get along fine with her grandmother. But this little girl has some problems. She has locked my daughter in a shed, dumped out bubbles at a party b/c things weren't going her way and I wouldn't let her spend the night. She has also threatened my older son that she was going to go get a gun from her dad and shot him. Which the grandmother witnessed and supposedly handled. Well I have had to move my daughter out of the class and it is still a problem. They have attacked her in the bathroom, the lunchroom and in class. The first episode the school never even called and once again she threatened to kill my sons. There were letters written by the other witnesses and her teacher was so appalled by the letters she took it straight the the principal. I had a parent/ teacher meeting and found out about all that had happened. I went through the roof. The principal made all these excuses tried to blame the teacher. Told me it was just girls being mean. He also told me that I was the only parent that had ever called complaining about his ability to be a principal. Well I have been to the school board and back down the pecking order and nothing. By the way all the letters were destroyed. What I'm so mad about this, we had in the area (not our school district) a fight break out with all girls where they banned all activities for the rest of the year. And to me if these kids are disciplined and taught this isn't how to behave instead of brushing it under the rug to keep their numbers up we wouldn't have the problems we have in schools. If you are caught bullying you pay for your actions! I will most likely pull her out for next year and put her in private or home school b/c there is no telling what is going to happen and her grades have been dropping and don't seem to be getting any better. Well now that I'm done venting!!! It is just so hard to tell your kid to ignore or turn your cheek when they walk into the same mess everyday!! She has even been suspended for standing up for herself but since they can't prove the other girl said anything b/c it was in front of all the girls picking on my kid!!! My kid gets in trouble!!

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Tanya - posted on 03/21/2010

I have 2 that are teenagers and i teach them to never start trouble and to think of how they would feel if it were them. My kids are biracial, we live in a small country town with maybe 3 black kids in the whole school. Mind you these are probably people who have never really had any friends of that race and only go by what the hear as the grow. My daughter has already been explained the possibilites of jokes are meanness of other kids. I think they have delt with things better knowing the thinks that could be said. My daughter was prepared when she wanted to sit my a little girl in grade school and the girl repliled no!! I dont talk to black kids . Now i wonder how that kids parents talk about other races to that child. Being so young I tell me daughter to just brush it off and go the other way and that they might be like that because of there parents and may not understand and know that no matter what color you are everyone is the same. luckily when this comment was made it was overheard by a teacher who ended up calling her parents. Dont know what the outcome was but my daughter was pleased that she got in trouble for saying things like that. As kids get older they get wiser and some may learn to understand why everyone should be treated equal and once you get to know someone that they may not feel the same way. I was raised in a house whare one parent wasnt but the other was racist . I have never judged people. I have explained to my kids how the society was and how today things are different. And its only mean words from someone else who dont know jack about getting to know someone before passing judgment. As far as anything else, my kids know to not take any bs from no one. and if people are saying things then she needs to tell someone so that it will stop, which is sometimes easier said than done. but to walk away being proud that she has a permanant tan that people pay for. She knows shes smart beatuful and not to even talk to someone like that.

Brenda - posted on 03/13/2010

Wendy. I have been thru this 2x times myself and the one main thing I did was to immediatly got an attorney if the school was not doing thier job. Then my attorney called the school and talked to the principal and she let him know that if there was anything that cause harm to my child, and now that they were all being informed of an attorney being involved, that the school would be responisible and would face charges of not protecting the child. (this was for the first time this was happening)
Since that first time, my family moved to another state and this started to happend to my youngest child, and the school was doing nothing. Yes there was a few times that my daughter would come home and ask me if the school had called me, and told me what about. They didn't. SO I got on the horn and had a very lengthy conversation with the principal and asked her..." what is it going to take before something is done. This has been going on now for 2 months and nothing has changed." I told her that because of this been going on for a long time, and if there was anything that happened to my daughter, I would personally press charges to the extent, for not protecting my child. This was when she was in the 8th grade. It did not stop there. The next year in her freshman year, she was in the lockerroom and one of the girls fromt he year before was tlking to another student about everything, and said that one day, ( the year before) she had brought a knife to school and was going to use it on my daughter, till she saw me coming in with one of the police officers.. She ditched the knife some where. The officer and I just happened to be walking up the stairs at the same time. I was bringing a book that my daughter keft at home. Stand tough.. Get a lawyer.. Be safe. and always always keep all notes, make copies of you have too. and keep a journal for yourself with dates times and so on for you incase you need to show them to the police and your attorney. It goes along way.

Wendy - posted on 03/13/2010

Janie I know how you feel it is so frustrating!!! Because we have told our daughter to ignore it. But it is so hard to ignore something that hurts so bad. I have had issues with my daughter and the bus as well. She was attacked by a boy on the bus and it was a situation where she wouldn't get on the bus after it happened. Other kids had to pull the boy off of her. It never was carried over to the teachers that he had done this. I was once again at the school and at the school board demanding something happen b/c it then starting happening on the playground. This is when I found out that the teachers were not made aware of the situation on the bus. The sad thing is the principal told me herself she was the only one in the school that could control him. But you think you are sending your kids to a safe environment surrounded by adults that won't let things happen to the kids. But they seem to be out just to protect themselves, they are worried about offending the wrong parents it seems. And what is bad for us right now is the girl we have the problem with lives two doors down from us. So we have to deal with it all the time at home.

Janie - posted on 03/12/2010

My son is in 5th grade now but has had trouble with bullying for 4 yrs now. He is over weight and a big boy, kids tease him because of his weight. This year the teaseing has gotten worst and while it's not in school it is on the bus this yr. He has one boy (mostly) who has teased and teased him about his weight, his cloths, his anything he can think of. Now my son has had enough and has started going back at him. it has gotten pysical 2 times and both boys have been susended from the bus. The school has a "NO BULLYING RULE" and it encludes the bus. The school has talked about putting a camera on the bus to see what is going on, The parents of the other boy and my husband and I have went to the school and spoke to the principal and also to the head of the no bullying program. We tell our kids not to start trouble or a fight but at the same time don't back down. Defending himself has only gotten himself in trouble, but at the same time the school hasn't fixed the problem eaither. I cann't afford private school and home schooling is not a option because I work full time. I'm just hoping with all the school has said they are going to do and the other boy's parents and us this will stop. My son gets in trouble and he's the one being picked on.