How did you do it?

Emily - posted on 01/24/2012

I know how you feel. I have PPD on top of my regular depression and I didn't feel bonded with my son or felt like I loved him enough. He's only 2 months old right now but it was the worst feeling in the world.



I was drugged the first couple of weeks after Max was born. I was so loopy I was afraid I would drop him if I held him. But having to sleep so much due to the drugs prevented me from being able to bond with him and start that relationship. Also I felt like my husband loved him more than I did and it really bothered me. I was his mother and carried him for 9 months and I felt like I should have loved him instantly.



Needless to say it hasn't happened that way. So what I did was try to find ways to create special moments with him like bath time or even feedings. I would talk to him and play with him and one night when I was rocking him to sleep, I just had this overwhelming love for him and I knew no matter what I had thought it the past, I loved my son and he loved me.



So I guess what I'm trying to say is live in the moment. You can't change the past and I know you feel guilty as do I but things eventually changed. I'm not saying your situation will change immediately like mine did, but I think as long as you focus on the here and now and how much you love him now, it will help. It's like you're making up for lost time :) I hope that helped. Sorry so lengthy.

Danielle - posted on 01/09/2012

I went through a bad PPD, it was so bad that my son had to go live with my parents until 3 yrs later when I had my daughter and then things seemed to right themselves but to this day I still live with the guilt. I had to finally get to the place that I accepted the fact that it happened and there was nothing I could do about it. I was my own worste enemy. No one can make you feel better about what has happened, that's something that you're gonna have to work through on your own. It helps to have a good support system but ultimately nothing they say will change the way you feel until you come to terms with it. It took me six yrs to get to the place where I can look at my lil man and not hate myself for putting him through not having his mommy. Even though the guilt is still there I have made peace with it and we are striving to put it in the past. Once I proved to myself that I AM a good mother was when I was able to let it go. I really hope you can come to terms with what's happened and if you ever need to talk, feel free to msg me.