I have lost my sex drive, HELP!!! :(

Emily - posted on 01/24/2012

I totally understand where you are coming from. My depression has made me very anti-social, where as I used to be a social butterfly. I miss having that connection with others. Some times I have to force myself to engage in social situations cuz I know it will help in the long run. I love my son dearly but I too feel like I have lost "me" time and don't seem to have any time for anything but take care of my son. My problem is the opposite of yours though. I want sex all the time but there doesn't seem to be any time or my baby boy wakes up just as we're fooling around. It's rather frustrating not being able to DTD when ever we want.



I think talking to your hubby to try to get him to understand what it's like to have depression will help but only if he's willing to listen. And having another baby is NOT going to make matters better---MEN!!! They think you can just snap out of it and be happy. I get exhausted easily myself but I find I just have to push through it have time with my hubby. Have you tried just cuddling with him? At least it's physical and shows your affection towards him. There are always other ways to be intimate without having sex.

Lexi - posted on 11/19/2011

Oh girl! That is NOT "how it's supposed to be". In order to care for your daughter well and have a good relationship with your husband, you HAVE to do some things that are for you. And the first thing needs to be getting treated for your PPD. Talk to your doctor or a counselor and consider getting on a medication for depression. If you're already medicated, it's not working for you. Every persons body is different and there are many types of anti depressants. You may have to try more than one to find the perfect fit. Trust me I know exactly how you feel. I have struggled with depression my entire life and it got ten times worse when I had my kids. Medication makes all the difference in the world. I know a lot of people trash talk antidepressants, but they don't turn you into a zombie or take away your ability to feel. They give you back the ability to be normal. To be happy or sad when it's logical to feel that way. It takes away the lethargy and that feeling of watching the world pass by miserable and alone.



Your husband is very very confused about what depression is, why it happens and how it affects people. Having a second is definitely not the way to pull you out of this. It's not about having time to be depressed. Having a baby is beautiful, sure. It's also emotionally draining, and wrecks havoc on you body, mind, hormones, emotions and nervous system, all of which for us "lucky" ones, can cause mild to sever depression. To the point for some people where it feels like you can't even love your baby. It can get worse over time. Some people have it mild enough that some thing herbal, exercise, personal time, etc... can pull you out. That stuff all certainly helps. For me it's never been enough though. Go talk to your doctor, do some reading on depression and have your husband do some reading too. Mine really struggled when we first got together. He thought he could "fix" me. Then he thought I must not really love him if he couldn't make me happy.



Now as to the sex drive, being so depressed and miserable can certainly take that away, especially when you and your husbands relationship is struggling. If you take time to get yourself back on track, whether through meds, counseling, exersize or other sorts of time to yourself, you will be better able to have time, emotion and energy to share with your husband and your daughter. Now all that said, some anti depressants can cause a reduced sex drive. Prozac in particular can often cause that. Since that is something you are struggling with already, make sure to tell the doctor when you are discussing which medication to try. He/she can help you choose one that is least likely to have that side effect. I wish you the best of luck! If you have any questions at all or if you just want to talk to someone whose already been through it and come out the other side, please feel free to drop me a line. When it comes to depression I have been there done that with pretty much all aspects of it.



Oh and I just wanted to mention one other thing, in regards to Holli's comment. Herbal supplements ARE medicine. They can help for people with mild depression. They can also interact badly with over the counter medications or prescriptions. They can cause serious side effects as well and need to be taken with just as much caution as a pharmaceutical medication. There are several different herbs and herbal combination's that can help depression and it's best to see an herbalist if that is the route you choose to take. Keep in mind that all modern medicines, like anti depressants, are based on herbals. For example, the chemical in asprin came from willowbark until we figured out how to manufacture it from scratch. Chemists simply made it stronger and more effective. The biggest difference between herbal medicines and modern medicines is the amount of testing that has been done. All modern medicine undergoes rigorous testing to determine safety and side effects. The standards for herbal medicines are much lower and the long term effects of their use are unknown in many cases. I am all for herbal medicine and turn to herbs for many things. I make my own mixes for my migraines and period cramps. But I have run every herbal combination I use by an herbalist and my regular doctor to make sure they are safe while breastfeeding and do not interact badly with any of my other daily medications.

Holli - posted on 10/10/2011

I lost mine too my boyfriend gets upset with me cause i can tell he's sexually frusturated so i'll tell him to go masterbate or something he doesn't know how to respond to that. Thank god he's not the kind that has to have it cause that's not what our relationship is about but OMG is it annoying that I can't just jump his bones anymore, plus we share a room with my daughter at his parents house (he's not the biological dad either) and it's just weird to even try it with her asleep on the other side of the room. depression SUCKS

best of luck tell me what worked for you.

I'm against using anti depressants so hopefully I can find a cure. Try some herbal "happy pills" maybe it'll help

Kat - posted on 08/31/2011

What I would recommend (and I need to restart taking my own advice on this) is getting a gym membership at a fitness center that has a day care or babysitting service for the duration of your workout. Most gyms with care facilities have cameras so the parents can monitor their children, and working out will boost your mood and possibly your desire. I know making time to go to the gym is easier said than done, but you'd be getting some "you" time and you'd be able to monitor staff members' interactions with your daughter in real-time.

Tasha - posted on 01/11/2010

We have talked about it, but not actually tried it. I feel horrible when he is "in the mood", and I just cant be in the moment with him. :( :( He is trying to help me out with the baby more and be more understanding. I talked to my mom about it, and she told me that I need to pull it together because I shouldnt need any help. She said that she took care of the kids without any help from my dad, and she did just fine!!! :( :( :( I have been talking to my husband about me possibly going out and getting a job, but he doesnt seem too thrilled about the idea. We are both a bit skeptical about day cares, we hear too much about kids getting hurt by the care givers, and dont want that to happen to our daughter!! :( :( I know that something has to change, because right now, I am not being the best mom that I can be to my daughter, and she deserves MUCH better!!! Thank you both for your support!! I really appreciate it!! I really need a friend right now that understands where I am coming from!! Nobody understands better than someone who is going through the same thing!!!! :) :) :)

Stephanie - posted on 01/10/2010

i know this sounds awful but have you tried porn?

Delaney - posted on 01/10/2010

i feel this way too! i ambout to start counseling because its getting so bad

Stephanie - posted on 01/10/2010

I lost mine too it got better after i got on the right meds you should talk to your doctor loss of sex drive is a definate sign of depression and you should get help if you need a friend or just want to talk feel free to message me