I need some support.

Celissa - posted on 11/28/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I had postpartum depression pretty badly right after my son was born. I was misrible. I was scared to stay in my house alone and my husband worked nights at the time. My mother-in-law was having to stay with me every night that my husband worked and she pretty much took care of my son, or at least thatch how I feel. I took medicine and after about three months it went away. Now it's back.

My son is 20 months old now and this is back and it's worse. I'm completely misrible. I'm sad all the time and all I do is cry. It's also kicked my OCD into overdrive. I think EVERYTHING is dirty and it's causing me sever anxiety. My son has been throwing up for various reason and that's when it started getting bad. I always feel dirty and I always feel like everyone else is too. To make matters worse, I'm feeling like the worlds shittiest mother because I am getting anxious when I'm around my son. I'm always tired, I don't feel like doing anything and I all i want to do is cuddle with my husband. I feel selfish and like a bad parent because I don't want my son to see me cry.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm going to the doctor today, but until the medicine starts working what do I do? I'm feeling so horribly bad. All I want to do is lay in bed. I need some advice, or just to know it's not just me. I really need a friend. My husband is great and supportive but he can't understand. I just want to be happy again. This is so not me. I love my family and I love to squeeze and cuddle my son and I just can't now. I feel like the worlds worst parent.

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Kaylee - posted on 12/04/2011

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Hun, you aren't a bad mother at all. I know it's hard when you have experienced postpartum and when you have experience what it feels like NOT to have it. I've been in your shoes, well actually, I'm still in your shoes and my son is 5 yrs old. I came here to find advice and support as well. The best advice I can give you is to get on your meds asap and don't deny your feelings. They will only get worse the more you pretend you are ok. I know, I did it for awhile myself. Good Luck to you, Honey. You will get better since you've already been better :) Take Care

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Sara - posted on 08/12/2012

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You're not a bad mother. i feel the same way sometimes. Its hard doing what we do. Physically and mentally. Child birth takes a huge toll on the body. I had PPD after my daughter was born. It had gotten so bad I didnt want to take care of her because I felt so inadequate. Luckliy I have a really great firend who is like a sister to me that I was able to talk to. It helped to discuss how I felt and to find out that I wasnt alone. i still have days where its hard to cope. Just know that there are other moms who are in your same boat and we're here to help anyway we can.

Celissa - posted on 12/10/2011

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Thank you so much for your words. You're very sweet! I went to the doctor and got on some medication. It is really helping, not only with my depression but also with my OCD! My family and I are much happier. My husband and I are even fighting less which is blissful. I just hope this happiness lasts. I'm so happy I'm able to play and cuddle with my son again like normal. I bet he's happy too! =)

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