Celissa - posted on 11/28/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )
I had postpartum depression pretty badly right after my son was born. I was misrible. I was scared to stay in my house alone and my husband worked nights at the time. My mother-in-law was having to stay with me every night that my husband worked and she pretty much took care of my son, or at least thatch how I feel. I took medicine and after about three months it went away. Now it's back.
My son is 20 months old now and this is back and it's worse. I'm completely misrible. I'm sad all the time and all I do is cry. It's also kicked my OCD into overdrive. I think EVERYTHING is dirty and it's causing me sever anxiety. My son has been throwing up for various reason and that's when it started getting bad. I always feel dirty and I always feel like everyone else is too. To make matters worse, I'm feeling like the worlds shittiest mother because I am getting anxious when I'm around my son. I'm always tired, I don't feel like doing anything and I all i want to do is cuddle with my husband. I feel selfish and like a bad parent because I don't want my son to see me cry.
I don't know how to deal with this. I'm going to the doctor today, but until the medicine starts working what do I do? I'm feeling so horribly bad. All I want to do is lay in bed. I need some advice, or just to know it's not just me. I really need a friend. My husband is great and supportive but he can't understand. I just want to be happy again. This is so not me. I love my family and I love to squeeze and cuddle my son and I just can't now. I feel like the worlds worst parent.