Niki - posted on 07/16/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )
Let me start by saying that I have a history of depression and anxiety and am currently taking sertraline for it. I am concerned that I may be experiencing PPD, but I'm also wondering if it could be just a combination of the stress of returning to work next week, being the primary caregiver for my child for the last 16 weeks and getting only 2-3 hours of sleep at a time for the last 4 months. Plus my LO has been crankier than normal the last couple weeks.
For the last week or so I have been more irritable and fatigued. LO has been fighting sleep something terrible lately and today when I picked him up from his crib crying he started to cry even more intensely. I had to lay him down and walk out of the room it bothered me so much. I immediately broke into tears and called my husband to come home right away. And then I felt bad that I left him to cry in his room alone.
I am looking forward to going back to work, but not leaving my son. I work 12 hour night shifts and I know that the nights I work, I will only get to see him for about 1 1/2 hours that day. Luckily, I only work 2-3 nights per week. But we cosleep and I breastfeed and I just don't want to give that up. I worry that he will wake in the middle of the night wanting me and I won't be there. My mom worked nights when I was a kid and it was very hard on me; I can hardly believe I will be doing the same thing to my little boy.
My husband is in for a crash course in baby care because so far he has only had to watch him for a couple hours at a time and usually I am home.He seems to need a lot of instruction from me even though we took the baby care classes because I didn't want it to end up being me telling him what to do all the time. I get frustrated because his life doesn't seem to have changed by having a baby and mine doesn't resemble anything of what it used to be. I have basically provided every need for my son for his entire life, I have to ask my husband to do anything and sometimes he gets short with me when I do. I know he loves our son, but he really has no clue how stressful this has been on me even though I love LO to pieces and am so happy to have him. I also worry that LO can feel my stress and that is why he is fussier than normal.
I am looking for some feedback about if others think this could be PPD or just stress. I get out of the house, I crave being around other people, but the irritability and increased fatigue have me concerned. I know I ultimately have to contact my doctor, but it's the weekend and I could use some insight now. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this!