Full Term Stillbirth - How to cope?

Ashley - posted on 09/27/2012

Hello. My name is Ash, really sorry to be speaking to you like this.I Iost my baby girl at 42 weeks.

I can't even explain how sad i am to be talking you.

I have experienced the worst time of my life and i feel let down by the medical team!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel as if things had been addressed sooner i would still have my baby girl with me now!!!!

However i want to try again and i wish you girls all the best of luck,!!!

Never Want To See You On This Site Again

All the best girls xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vidal Lyn - posted on 04/03/2012

Hi Andrea, i too had 38.5weeks stillborn baby boy we named DRE DEVIN last March 27,2012. From the start of my pregnancy i had been under chronic high blood pressure medication. I had to undergo massage to have a baby(my third coz had 2 boys). July of 2011, i was delayed bought pregnancy test and boom! Yey! Gone to our private doctor..so the happiness with me and my husband arises. Everything went smooth, 5th month do my ultrasound, im so praying its a girl but had tears when it's another boy..but just a day, i said & prayed as long as he is healthy. Months, felt his kicks so strong all the time..i was very happy, said he's gonna be a good player, soccer hahah..6th..7th..though in my life had been so stressful coz of my in-laws and some misunderstandings with my husband, we manage to stay strong and happy. End of 7th month, starting to prepare my baby stuff, clothes, baby wipes and all the stuff. 8th month, my bp getting so high, doubled my drug usage as per doctors advice. March 24, went at my first grade son and k-4 son, Red Cross Annual Walkathon, we were so happy..March 25th, Saturday night, sitting on the couch my husband rubbing my tummy, asking our son to kick, i said how come he didn't move, probably sleeping. Sunday, i was dancing, singing so happy, night time me and my husband ordering infant carrier & stroller via Walmart, our order didn't get accepted coz of our area, so ordered Amazon, the same thing, i said let's sleep coz i have prenatal tomorrow. March 26, the doctor said: How are you today, very good Doc, i was really smilling in delight coz it's almost my due next month can't wait till April 17,2012. Lie down, check the heartbeat, the Doctor gave me a frown face..then asked the nurse to take me to ultrasound..the Doctor panic & nurses..i said, no more heartbeat? I said, no it felt like this morning it moved twice? Then the bad news, IM SORRY YOUR BABY IS DEAD! I couldn't cry..at first, then said i need my husband can you call him from work..i went to the restroom and cried so loud..WHY? WHAT HAPPEN? Same day, i said ok make me deliver as soon as possible, in the delivery room, 14hours of labor to wait for him..keep asking still, is there heartbeat? They said IM SORRY YOUR BABY IS DEAD...i can't imagine how painful it is to wait then gone..just like that!!!they wrap him and showed to me, i kiss him but don't have the strength that time to hold him still! I was blaming myself for being sick..stress,,and people around me..they don't allow visitors coz i almost died too of cardiac arrest, but GOD gave me second life to live again, for my two young boys and husband..for me to see things in a different way, to live again and be a better mom, wife and person as i can be. I remember, i love to take pictures of my big belly bump..that's all i have of him, and his strong kicks and pictures of him like a sleeping angel. March 29th, we took him to morgue, take him home.. i clothed him, touched him..cried for him, saying goodbye until we burry him. It's hard to accept, just last night had big burst of cry, grief..but could'nt make him back anymore. My husband told me, i know its just a week, but feels like im dead to them couldn't function well, he said.."Please don't die on me too & your other kids, we can pass this, i don't wanna loose you too?" He hugged and kissed me dearly, that moment, i know it's hard but i need to live, i will continue living and loving my kids and put in my heart that what im doing is the same thing i will do constantly to our dear DRE. Praying helps a lot, and the support of my husband and kids. Thinking i lost him but he will remain in my heart forever. Doing all the possible good things in life for me and other people will help a lot. Having a small reminder of him like necklace, bracelet or small angel tattoo with his name will help too. I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, HOPE MY STORY HELPS YOU ANDREA. GOD BLESS US BOTH EVERYDAY.

Andrea - posted on 04/26/2010

Thank you ladies...your responses are very helpful! I am coping with it and moving forward one day at a time.

Tasauna - posted on 04/24/2010

I'm sorry for your loss as well. The advice list Tanya posted is sooo on the money!! I remember getting that at my grief counseling center. I can put a few checks next to each one. Just remember to do wut YOU need to do to get thru each day. Don't worry about wut others say u SHOULD be doing or how u should be feeling. Especially after a few months go by, people will think ur "over it" and back to normal. U have a New normal that u need to find and balance out. Talk about ur baby, talk to your baby. Write things down, even write to ur baby. Nothing is odd or not normal. There's no handbook on this, so every emotion or feeling or thought u have is validated or "normal" for wut u and all of us have been thru and continue to live thru.

Tanya - posted on 04/22/2010

Hello Andrea. I am so sorry to read of your loss. You and your partner are going to find this time very trying but please talk about your baby Annnabella as she was real and she was loved and she was both of yours and please lean on each other for support and strength. I hope the doctors have you answers to help you both out.



I hope this following advice I have used and read will help.



WHAT TO EXPECT AFTER LOSING A BABY

(What to Expect from Grief After Losing a Child)

Expect grief to be a process that will last longer than you expect.

Expect intense and changing emotions.

Expect to feel physical effects of grief, including fatigue.

Expect that you won't feel like yourself for a long time.

Expect to feel lonely.

Expect that other people will soon go back to "normal" life, but that it will take you some time to find your "new normal."

Expect fear that more terrible things will happen in your life.

Expect to feel as if nothing is important anymore.

Expect that you will feel happiness again.

Expect anger.

Expect more tears than you thought possible.

Expect that most people will stop talking about your child around you.

Expect that some people will seem nervous around you, and that some may even avoid you.

Expect that on some days it will be a big accomplishment if you take a shower.

Expect strong reactions when you see children who are about the same age as your child.

Expect that everyday conversations will seem meaningless to you, and in fact, may make you angry.

Expect to have a difficult time being around pregnant women and babies. Expect the grief to soften with time.

Expect your partner or spouse to grieve differently than you do.

Expect to feel raw, wounded, and heartbroken.

Expect that you will have little energy and less patience on some days.

Expect guilt.

Expect good days and bad days, and early in the grief you may have good hours and bad hours.

Expect to feel that there could not possibly be better days ahead (but there are).

Expect that people will not know what to say, and that some will say really stupid things.

Expect that you will never be quite the same as you were before, and recognize that it is okay to build from where you are now.

Expect to feel crazy at times (but you aren't).

Expect to always love and remember your sweet child.

Expect people to think you should be "over" your grief when you are right in the middle of it.

Expect to need support to get through this.

Expect that you will find things that make you smile again.

Expect not to know what to expect.

(Author unknown)