How did you deal with your next preg after a loss?

Althea - posted on 07/31/2011

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I am a sucker for punishment. I enjoy children of all ages. I am 23 weeks along into my 10th pregnancy with 2 full term and healthy children so far. I believe the pain of risk is worth it most days. My girls are so excited to be possibly sisters to a brother. Having had my last miscarry 5 weeks before this one, they also are aware that this one could miss also. Each day we celebrate and enjoy for what it brings including the odd shapes my stomache does already! When any of us get worried, one other pokes my belly and makes the baby move just to check. My belly gets more kisses than I do some days. Yes, its nerve wracking yet I believe babies are worth it!

Mel - posted on 07/28/2011

Good luck to you Carla.. Yes I am sure you will have a great out come this time. But understand how emotional it is.. X

Carla - posted on 07/27/2011

i'm in the same boat as everybody else on here i lost my 2nd pregnancy @ 6 weeks in '09 now here i am pregnant again with #3 i found out about 3-4 wks along an have been taking pnv since i had my 1st appt last thurs an he said i was only about 5-5 1/2 weeks all he saw was the yolk sac an no baby he said that hes sure we will see a baby this week which is tomorrow so im kinda nervous

Denice - posted on 06/12/2011

I lost my identical twin sons at 38 weeks. My first pregnancy. The next pregnancy was difficult because of the stress I felt. The pregnancy itself went great but the closer to the 38 week mark, the more nervous I became. I had a new doctor who was great and he helped me a lot. I have never looked at my 3rd son as a replacement for the two I buried. He was and remains an individual. All my children are. My twins would have been 21 years old on the 25th of this month. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them. Not a day that I don't ask myself "what would it have been like? What would they look like today? What would they be doing? Would they be married?" Many people over the years told me it was time to "Get over it and move on" My response remains the same "I'll never get over it, but I have learned how to live with it" Some days hurt more than others. I think it will always be that way. We never expect to bury our children. I now have 5 other children of my own, but every day when someone asks me how many children I have -- I hesitate -- I'm never sure what answer to give. I could say "7" and leave it at that. I could say "5". Both answers are right. I also had family that didn't want me to talk about them. They found it to difficult to deal with it. There were 4 of us pregnant in my family at the same time. We all gave birth within 4 months of each other. I am the only one that lost the babies. I had to come to realize that it didn't matter if it made others uncomfortable, I had to do what I needed to heal. My children know about the twins, they are a part of our family, the same as any family who has lost someone they love. Three years ago I lost a child in a miscarriage. I was 12 weeks. I was heartbroken. I had wanted that baby just as much as I had wanted the twins. I just had my last child 3 months ago and I still had the same fears, I think once you've been there, you can't help but be more aware. No longer can you live in the world of "It will never happen to me.."

Danielle - posted on 06/12/2011

I have/had the same feeling of having a hard time separating the baby I'm pregnant with now from the last one. I miscarried Lincoln at 12 weeks 5 days...got to see him alive and well 2 days prior. I am now 18 1/2 weeks pregnant and get to see my lil one tomorrow via u/s!

Melanie - posted on 06/04/2011

Sorry for your loss. I was 12 weeks pregnant when i lost my child we went to doctors and were told there was no heartbeat. so went home in tears. 2 weeks later went back for checkup and there was a heartbeat. Turned out my daughter was a twin and she was the strongest one so she survived. Had mixed feelings as we thought I was never going to conceive had had about 3 miscarriages before my daughter. It's hard having mixed emotions on one hand you are blessed with another child but on the other you are still grieving your loss. We saw our daughter as a blessing and cherished every week until she was born. It's natural to have mixed feelings you will never forget your loss but you also have a new arrival to look forward too. Good luck xx

Mel - posted on 06/02/2011

Thanks guys for taking the time to respond.. It means alot to hear from you and to also hear your stories...

Also thinking of you - mel X

Cristine - posted on 06/01/2011

It's rough. We lost our first little girl soon after she was born. When we got pregnant with our second, we were more than excited. He was more than I was. I always thought about her, wondering if this one would be the same way. It's still painful, and I still think about her, but all 3 of us go and visit her grave on special days. My husband and I made the pact that we would always take her to see her big sister and I think that's what got me through my mixed emotions.

Karen - posted on 05/24/2011

I'm in the same situation right now. Except i had miscarried at about 10 weeks. I still think about the previouse pregnancy and really wish that one had worked out better. It's hard though because since i wasn't very far along, my family and most of my friends just kinda forgot I ever had the miscarriage. so when I bring it up, they just ....i don't know they just don't aknowledge it. I'm only 15 weeks along now and still trying to figure out exactly how I feel. I wish I could feel this one kicking more often. But when I do, I think about the one I lost. Like what it would of been like to find out the docs were wrong and it had gone just fine. I'm happy and excited about this preg. but kind of worried weather I will have trouble bonding with this one. I'm sure I will be fine. But it's like it's hard to seperate this one from the last one. I've heard some people say they looked at their next baby as being the one they lost. Meaning it came back to them at a later time. Maybe that is a part of the grieving. I don't know. Now my best friend is going through a time where the doctors aren't sure if she is miscarrying or not. So I have to be there for her and it's bringing back a lot of memories. I'm really scared for her too.

Christina - posted on 05/24/2011

I was so filled with anxiety right before every appt - fearing that I would see my baby without a heartbeat again - that my doctor & nurse started having me come into the office to hear heart tones whenever I wanted to. I don't feel like I could have made it through the first twenty weeks without that. Something that one of my very dear "Rainbow" mommy's (infant/pregnancy loss group) told me helped too. The baby that I didn't get to hold would want me to enjoy his sibling and that the baby I was carrying deserved all of my happiness & excitement over her life too. If you can, hold onto the little footprints your angel baby has given to your heart and know that one day you will have the chance to tell the baby you hold today about him/her. :) I just got to tell Lizzie about her brother while I was rocking her just the other day :)