I had a miscarriage 4 weeks ago, i was 12 weeks pregnant, and i still cannot get over it. can someone please help :(

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Joanne,
Just wanted to say thank you. I lost my baby boy, Christopher, on 10-24-09 at 28 weeks. The nurses dressed him in a beautiful gown and wrapped him a beautiful blanket that had been hand made and donated. They meant so much to me, and I still sleep with the blanket that he was in every night. I am thankful everyday to the women who made these for my son and others like him. It's nice to have a few momentos when you go home with empty arms.

User - posted on 11/17/2009

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hello my lovely it is so normal to greeve fof your baby i did for months and when there birthdays come round i celebrate with them bless them!!!! it takes time not to fordet but to learn to live with it i suppose talking about it is the best thing to do trust me after my first miscarriage i shut off and didnt want to talk about it ,but after my secound i talked with my husband and we got through it together !! no body knows why these things happen and we all ask ourselves the same questions what if ????? but its all in the hands of those above and those little sweethearts werent ment to be here !!!! im sure in time you will go on to have a healthy baby but in the mean time give yourself time and talk about how your feelings and never ever blame yourself xxxxx

Katrina - posted on 11/04/2009

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time helps but the pain is always their I look at my tummy and think what I have lost and know I have to not stand still or I will break .Iam lucky I have other children but when people say get over it u have others or its for the best I want to scream the best that was my baby . I lost my baby 2 weeks ago and I still feel numb I was 11 weeks .
I have been down this road before 16 pregnacys and 7 children still born twins an 8 misscarages I can say sweetie the pain hurts as much this time as the past but you will go on and smile 1 day with out feeling bad .time time time

Latia - posted on 10/03/2009

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It really never does go away. It changes. I often thought, it's something I did or if I would have done something different, or If I would've had more faith, etc... Seeking the Lord, his grace, his guidance, and his strength has been a blessing. I know I'll never understand, but can be at peace knowing that he's in heaven and that I can see him again.

Fiona - posted on 10/01/2009

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its normal to feel like this so dnt think ur goin mad have u any other kids or was it just u first ? u will just have to stay strong n hopefully things will work out i will b thinkin of u and pray for u god bless ,,x

Joanne - posted on 09/28/2009

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sweety, you never get over it, nor should you. you have a right to feel pain, and a right to cry and feel sad. ive unfotunately lost 12 babies over the years through miscarriage and i remember each and everyone and a peice of me still misses them all. I found it made it alittle easier to handle by writting to them every so often. it helps some but the pain unfortunately never goes away completely. you are probably being told that because you were only 12 wks you shouldnt even be worrying or reacting to the loss, right? wrong! people who say that have never lost a child, and i dont care what stage the baby was in, they are there even for that brief time, sending their roots up through your heart and into your soul. by writing to them, you can update them on what is happening in your life, what you are feeling or thinking about, etc. hang in there sweety! Light a candle in your window for the baby on its due date! do what ever you can too keep yourself busy. i found it helpful too crochet and knit things for a nearby hosptials nicu. they have preemies that unfortunately pass on, and i make them bereavement gowns, and blankets, bonnets, etc. it helped me too deal with my loss and it made me feel that i was helping other mom s in the same predictiment. my heart goes out too you sweety, and if you ever feel you need to talk pm me.

Rachel - posted on 09/20/2009

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Thank you so much Charlotte! I'm very touched by what you wrote and I do appreciate it.



I guess, I'm just hoping that my doctor's "wait and see" attitude will change tomorrow. My level was at 17 on Friday! So, I think it's time to help mother nature along!



Anyway, it's nice to have someone say that I don't have to "get over it"! I'm not going to, at least not until I'm ready!



Thank you again!!!

Charlotte - posted on 09/20/2009

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Oh gosh, Rachel, just reading your post my heart went out to you. I was almost not going to reply because I felt words were so insufficent, but I know that this is all I can offer you right now. I am so sorry for your loss. I can totally relate to how you feel, the feeling of being so alone. Be easy on yourself. Do something you enjoy, try to keep your mind off just dwelling on the pain. If you have any friends or aquantances who you can talk to who would understand, talk to them. For me, talking helped and still helps.



Don't worry about "getting over it". That is not a goal you should be setting for yourslef or letting anyone else set for you. You will get through this when you get through it. There is no time-limit, and I don't believe there really is an "over it" anyway.

Rachel - posted on 09/20/2009

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I'm just feeling so alone. There's all this commotion in my house - my 13-1/2-year-old and my almost 3-year-old are play fighting, my husband is doing dishes and I'm on the couch trying to choke back the tears. I'm miscarrying right now. I was 7 weeks when the baby died and I'm still in pain, but the bleeding stopped suddenly on Saturday - so I may have to have a D&C on Monday. Anyway, I just cannot quite wrap my head around this. I'm SO sad. My husband and I had a miscarriage early in our marriage and I never quite got over that one. But since we had a healthy baby - Henry our 3-yr-old (my daughter is his stepdaughter) anyway, I just cannot seem to get into life. I stare a lot. I feel pressure to get over it. I think though it's pressure I'm putting on myself. UGH! This is SO hard.

Charlotte - posted on 09/05/2009

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I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in May. I still haven't "gotten over it". It doesn't hurt so much anymore, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt when I think about it. The most helpful thing I have found is talking face to face with others who have been through similar expirences because they really can relate. I found a support group in my city; there are probably support groups near you as well? I hope you can find someone to talk to.

Virginia - posted on 08/28/2009

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Honey I was 20 weeks and twice I lost my babies and had to deliver. There is no getting over it just getting on with it. I just had my last baby last saturday and I am a wreck, but I have good days and bad. Get back into routine and be around your family and friends also if you like you should check out Alexandrashouse.com they are so supportive and helpful anytime you need to talk.

Kerry - posted on 07/22/2009

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lauren,

sorry to hear about your loss, my heart goes out to you.

I can relate to your story i have lost 5 babies throu miscariage it started when our son was 6 months old we thought we would try for another, we got pregnant pretty quickly and were very excited, we lost that babies when i was eight weeks pregnant no one in my family had ever gone throu anything like this so i felt very alone.

In the past 5 years we have lost 6 babies (one set of twins) and every time the doctor would say it is just one of those things.

The other girls are right it takes time but you never really get over it, when my sister and sister in law got pregnant and had there babies i cried because i thought why not me?.

hope this helps in some way.

Kerry

May - posted on 07/13/2009

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Loureen wow what powerful thing for a young girl to say, so comforting!! The pain does ease up and the emotions bounce all over. I miscarried at 11 weeks last sept and since then have had 2 early miscarriges one in feb and the other in june. I have gone from being sad to just angry now. I keep trying to think God has a reason for all this but it is really taking a toll on me. I know I will get thru it but it is very hard.

Charlie - posted on 07/13/2009

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im so sorry for your loss , i lost my first at 15 weeks , you never really get over it but with with time the pain does ease , we had a burial for him and planted a rose bush , the best thing you can do is let yourself grieve , cry if you need to , it really is an important process , i took comfort in a four year old girls words , after the burial she said to me " dont worry the spirits of the earth will take care of him until he is strong enough to come back to you " it was the most beautiful thing anyone said and really did make me feel like he was being taken care of . take care and feel free to msg me if you want to talk about ANYTHING !! xox

Di - posted on 06/19/2009

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Lauren, I can truly say I have walked in your shoes. Twice. I m/c at 7 1/2 weeks both times. 6th December 2003 and 12th December 2005, but who remembers these things except us mums. I named my babies. The first I named Jaime Lee and the second I named Shannon. I feel deep within my soul that they were both girls. I also had a little ceremony for each to say goodbye to them. I have a rose bush called angel face for Jaime Lee. For Shannon I have a lavender bush. I have a belief in God and handed my babies over to Jesus. I am lucky that I have this because I have an unshakeable belief that I will be with my babies one day. Its only being able to talk about them that helps you through it. Keep talking, I will listen. We all will.

Satchmo06_qmhp - posted on 06/18/2009

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Lauren,

I learned that the women on this site help you out so much. When you see that others have gone through what you've went through, you don't feel like you're a failure (this is what I felt like..especially the day I was in the Dr.'s office and found out I had lost my baby).



I was 12 weeks when I lost my precious baby also. Just remember that it's not your fault...give yourself time. I lost my baby on March 30, 2009 (no heartbeat) and on March 31, 2009 I had the D&C. Just like the other ladies, time will heal, but you never forget. I was able to name my baby b/c the chromosomal testing told what I was having (a girl). My hubby and I are getting tattoos in memory of our angel baby.



Time heals all things *HUGS*

May - posted on 06/18/2009

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hi Lauren hope you are doing better emotionally since you posted here. I understand completely what you are or have been thru.

Elisha - posted on 06/02/2009

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I am so sorry for your loss! I had a miscarriage with my first baby 7yrs ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Talking about it helps for sure. You're not alone. And if you get tired of talking with family you have your "friends" here. It will get easier. But don't ever feel like you have to forget or not be upset. You have every right to remember and to grieve. I have two beautiful little boys but I still to this day grieve for my first baby. And I always will. If you ever need to talk you can message me. Take care and I will keep you in my prayers.

Lauren - posted on 06/01/2009

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Thank you sooo much, you have actually helped me, and made me realise, im not in this on my own, when it happened, i thought why me, but then so does every1.I am soo sorry to hear about your children. Its not the face i want to forget/get over it, its the fact i am cryin every single day over it, and i know crying is best for you, but its just geting me down, i want to rembeber my child in a good way. I have planted a plant in my garden, and it has really helped me, Thank you so much for your suport.

Karen - posted on 05/30/2009

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*gentle hugs* I'm sorry Lauren...it is hard...and it is something you never get over. But with the passage of time the pain does ease. You will never forget. I miscarried my second baby at eight weeks. That baby would be 12 this year and the memory of it all is still with me. The thing is...give yourself the time and space to grieve. Do NOT let someone tell you it's time to "get over it". Everyone's grief is their own. I will forever grieve for my second baby. Miscarriages are harder to deal with because there really isn't closure. May I suggest a plant or some sort of memorial that you can place in your yard? I am in the process of making a memory garden for my babies ( my miscarried baby and my stillborn twin sons) as my "thinking spot" when I need to have a place to go to work on the healing process. ♥

Amanda - posted on 05/29/2009

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Im sorry to say dalin but you really never do get over it. You doing the right thing right now, your talking about it. Trust me I know the feeling, you continually ask yourself what if I did this or what if this. Its always what if. Or why me........ the list goes on.

I still live with it day to day. As I watch my son grow I wonder what they would of been like. Last June my life changed for the worst. I was pregnant with twins, we later found out through another ultrasound a third baby was hiding. So all together 3 babies, 2 girls and a boy.

I was so excited, scared, nervous....... I didnt know what the future was going to be like. We also had a lil 2 year old then. But as time went on everything was ok, I started getting really big. An all of a sudden I got really sick. I couldnt keep anything down. I was always in the bathroom. I was litterally every other day at the hospital, as I was told to do. It was a high risk pregnancy. I had to go on a leave from work because I was put on bed rest. I started to become very anemic. Alittle while after that things started to fade. I was feeling alot better but I then started to lose weight out of no where. Dr said everything was fine. Did my normal day to day things all the while trying to get as much rest as possible. Without going insane. Then one day I got out of bed just like any other day but with horrible cramps. I laid back down for a while. Thinking they would eventually go away. Didnt happen. It all begin on wednesday. The Dr put me on a stress test machine an a fetal heart rate monitor. things were going ok until he started looking for the individual heart beats. There was only 2 left. Baby A and Baby C (girl an boy) I was upset, not knowing what had really happened. I was in shock. But then it kinda set in well theres still 2 healthy ones. Well the Dr said the cramping could last for a few hours to a few days. Well thursday had past and friday I went back to the hospital thinking something was horrible wrong. I was hoocked up again to the fetal heart rate monitor an the stress test. An it looked fine until he started listening to the heartbeats. Baby C was no longer had a heartbeat. His was the strongest beat. I was devasted. So they put me on complete hospital bedrest . Fluids everything the whole 9 yards of crap. The next morning the cramps were still there heavily an I then started to bleed. I couldnt move I was in so much pain emotionally an physically. It was horrible. I felt like my inside were being ripped out. I went in yet again for the fetal monitor an stress test. My Dr began to cry. Ive never seen a Dr cry in my life. An he put his hand on my husbands shoulder an just said Iam so sorry but I cant hear anything.

Sweetheart its not something you can get over. You shouldnt have to get over it. Thats so harsh to say to yourself. Its something that was apart of you. You live with it day to day. It makes you a stronger person. An you look at the things you have an be thankful for everything. Myself Im thankful for every breath my son takes an every smile I see. And remember that just because you never got to hold them, they will always hold you!

It takes time but the wound will heal, it takes years.

Take care

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