Is this normal when expecting after a loss???

Claire - posted on 09/29/2009

my son died aged a month old after a complicated birth left him severly brain damaged. i have since had another boy and he was due 3 days before my first son was due. luckily he was a week early but when i explained that i was scared they would be born on the same day and i was worried about the birth i was offered a c section. this helped as it gave me a set date. but i can relate to how you feel. i spent most of my pregnancy thinking about what i would do when my second child died because i just didnt beleive he would live. the birth went fine and he was a healthy 10lb 7oz but i spent so long trying not to bond incase it went wrong that i found it hard to when he was alive and well. even now i still think something will happen or go wrong but its natural and its normal and you shouldnt feel like your crazy because your not. i hope it all goes well for you. good luck.

Desiree - posted on 08/26/2009

If she is born on the day your son passed, call it a blessing not something horrible. I know she wont replace the first but think of it as a way of him saying everything is fine. My due date is the day my ex husband died(Even though he isnt the father of this baby) I feel like its a sign. I've lost 6 babies and Im now at 20 weeks. Im hopinh everything goes well and so far it is. So would love your baby as you love your son

Laurie - posted on 08/25/2009

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it's completely normal to feel that way and have those dreams. I have had two late term losses in the last couple years. My daughter who was born in April was due on the date we lost our first daughter. I prayed and prayed that she wouldn't be born on that day, The entire time I was pregnant I was scared and I distanced myself quite a bit from the baby. So much so that when I was having my c-section it felt more like just having an operation than having a baby. She was 5.5 weeks early, spent a few weeks in the hospital and was sent home without monitors (although I really wanted them because she would occasionally stop breathing while eating). All I can say is you just have to love that baby as much as you possibly can. You will bond with her. If it doesn't happen right away don't feel bad. It took me a while to really bond with my daughter, but now four months later I can't imagine my life without her. I still have that worry in the back of my mind that something may happen, but I doubt that will ever go away. Hang in there.

Tamara - posted on 08/08/2009

What you are feeling is completely normal and healthy. You have concerns because of your past experiences. However, you need to give this new baby all of the love and hope and joy you had with your first. She deserves all of the love you can give as a parent. We just had a miscarriage and I told my husband, "We cannot give up hope for this baby." I feel like there would be some guilt in distancing myself from the baby just in case something bad happens. Well, something bad did happen, and even so, I am able to say that I loved the baby unconditionally through it all. Keep loving and stay strong!