It's been over a year now, and i wanna know if it gets any easier....

Aleeta - posted on 01/01/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I lost a little boy when i was 34 weeks pregnant. There was problems all through the pregnancy and i was sent to specialists and they did what they could but i ended up delivering a still born on August 18, 2007. I do have a 3 and a half year old son at home with me and my husband, but we were told that it would be a good idea if we didn't have any more children because they don't know what cause the problems with our last son. I find it very hard still to know that i can't have any more children. My husband has now had the visectomy and i will be going to have a hysterctomie within the next year. Every year the hospital has a memorial service for the children lost and i still find it very hard to be reminded of that hurt but i still do because i don't wanna forget my little boy. I just wanna know if the hurt goes away, but i don't wanna forget neither...

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Kathi - posted on 01/24/2009

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Aleeta, I have found that doing something in the name of your baby helps a lot. One of the things we want for our children is that they make a difference in the world. Maybe you could buy an age appropriate gift for your baby each year and then give it to an under-privileged child in your baby's name. I am a RN who works in Labor and Delivery and I lost a baby at 16 weeks. My husband and I have started a medical missions ministry to people in the slums in undeveloped countries like India, Nepal and Kenya because of our Peanut. You can visit our myspace at myspace.com/touchinglivesministry or my blog at http://frommourningtomission.blogspot.co... that gives more details of our journey. Knowing that none of this would have happened without Peanut's life is wonderfully healing. God bless you, Kathi

Laura - posted on 01/14/2009

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The hurt never goes away....it just gets easier to deal with. You never forget and never should. But....time brings healing. I lost my son 19 years ago....and I always wonder.... BUT.....I promise it does get easier.

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i'm so sorry for your loss. i think the pain of your loss is much more because you have to carry around with you that you aren't going to have anymore children. i'm sorry your husband has already done the surgery. but personally i think that you should wait to have yours. i would go see another dr. get more opinions. there is hope, if that's what you want. i lost my daughter alomst 3 years ago now. she had a modduloblastoma brain tumor that was cancer. she was born on her due date, and she passed 4 days after. we had to let her go. i fellt that heavy pain just like you, when we started trying for nother baby, and i couldn't get pregnant right away. we finally gave up, and said if god wants us to have another baby then it will happen. only 3 months after we stopped trying i got pregnant with our now 18 month old son. but her loss has changed our lives so much. i believe we are totally different people now. and yes the pain has got better. there are times where i feel i need a complete meltdown. but that's pretty normal. she'll never be forgotten, but each year goes by, things seem more at peace. i wish the same for you. my advice for any parent that has lost a child, is grieve the way you need to. i hope you can talk to another dr. and find some hope for your future. bless you.

Jennifer - posted on 02/22/2009

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It will get easier.  It Just takes time!!!  I had two miscarriages in a span of 9 months.  I was a total wreck.   It was about 4 years ago.  I still feel the pain but it is less.  I had a son finally in 2007 and when I look at him I realize that he has 2 angels watching over him.  He hurts me sometimes but it gives me great peace-one day I will see my 2 babies.



Take care of yourself and be strong.  Time heals all wounds.  I hope this helps you!!



 

Aleeta - posted on 02/15/2009

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Thank you to everyone who has left little tips and ways to deal with the pain.  It has all helped me very much with dealing with it all.  I hope that some day everything does work out for everyone.  Thank u once again....

Lisa - posted on 02/13/2009

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I lost my daughter 5 years ago, and the pain remains, but you do learn to live with it.  You will never forget your little boy, as I never will forget my daughter.



Love and Hugs

Rebecca - posted on 02/11/2009

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I know your pain and I guess I would have to say that the pain dulls, but the memories are still painful. I lost a son in 97. I would tell you not to go to the memorials if they cause you pain. It doesn't mean that your've forgotten or don't love your little one. It means that you honor your son's memory in your own heart and in your own ways.

Dianne - posted on 02/10/2009

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Hi there. So sorry to hear about your loss. But it does get easier and in your heart he will always be there. But as each passing day goes by I think it is their angel that helps us to get by. I know mine is with me always. It has been years since my loss but I do know as each day went by it got easier and easier. Sometimes my heart is heavy but for some reason I think of mine he was boy also........I feel a sense of peace go through me....hugs and smiles

Kristi - posted on 02/08/2009

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No it never goes away.  However, it does get easier to bear.  My second child, Andrea Ranay, was born still on November 7, 1991.  I had difficulties with all my pregnancies.  My first born was born healthy.   Then Andrea.  The doctors recommended that I should not have anymore children for the same reason they gave you.  However,  I did not listen.  I suffered several miscarriages.  Then came my 2nd daughter.  She was born 5 weeks earlier but she is now a beautiful and healthy 14 year old.

Alison - posted on 02/03/2009

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I know what you mean. There is that tension between wanting the pain to go away but not the memory, yet it is the memory that causes pain. The loss of a baby is something noone can understand unless they have been there. I lost my precious daughter Octavia in 1997, 22 weeks pregnant. I still now get tears in my eyes when i think of her, and remember the feeling i felt when she was born and i realised i would never hear her laugh, or see her open her eyes, or watch her play... all those things we take for granted with our other children. Almost 12 years and i still cry. But yes, time does take some of the sting out of it, and now those moments of pain are not daily, just at times she will come to my mind and every time i have to stop and take a moment to collect myself. One thing that has helped me is becoming a Christian, and the knowledge that she is with Him, she is safe and not in pain anymore. I guess we all just have to find our own way thru the darkness, but there is a light, and there will come a time when you will be able to remember without completely falling apart. Just be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve and then pick yourself up and go on with life. =)

Pamela - posted on 01/30/2009

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The pain never goes away, but as time goes on, you learn how to cope. I know talking about my son helps me. Dalton would've been 7 this year, he was 3 months old when he passed away.  Some ppl don't want to talk about the fact they have lost a child and when you try to ask them about it, they blow up at you. Don't think of the memorial service as a reminder of the death of your baby, but as a celebration to your baby going home.

Wendy - posted on 01/29/2009

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let me start by saying that i am so sorry for you r loss



for me the hurt got so much easier but it never really goes away. i have my good days with a few bad days and it has been almost 8 years for me. let yourself hurt and feel and know that some days it will get easier. always remember your little one tho. go to the memorial services, buy special things thru out the year, "celebrate" birthdays (I always take the day off work and have cake and release balloons), find some way to remember ... it will help with the hurt.



angel hugs to you ...

[deleted account]

i just wanted to ask..i'v e heard of blood disorders, and this happening. did your doctor check you for this??i'm so sorry for your loss, i pray that you'll find resolution.

Aleeta - posted on 01/27/2009

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I thank everyone fwho has responded to my article, it really has helped me to try and cope with the lose.  I truely do believe that God wont give u more then u can handle.  My son, that i lost, would have put our lives at a stand still.  He had alot of medical problems and i think sometimes that is why God took him from us.  But the son i do have i feel he is missing out on having a sibling.  But he will know he was to have a brother and i hope he understands.  God bless all...

Tanya - posted on 01/26/2009

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My first pregnancy was a still birth at 26.5 weeks. We name her Erin Michelle. We have her ashes with us. Time does heal but you never forget.....

Janice - posted on 01/21/2009

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I had 2 'normal' children, then i had my angel Amelie. She was born with trisomy 13 and lived for 16 days. i was 21 and felt why me?! I'd done everything right. Since then i have had another 3 'normal' children. We still celebrate Amelie's birthday, and talk about her. She would be 5 in April. It gets easier but it still hurts and i will always feel something is missing x

Jody - posted on 01/19/2009

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I also share the loss of losing a baby.  Tuesday I laid my baby to rest among other babies in a shared burial.  It was a beautiful ceremony and I am glad I participated.  Baby Carroll is buried in Shared Burial plot 88!  My sweet little angel.  I morn for the life that could have been.  My little 3 year old say's to bring the baby back.  It's hard to try and help them to understand.  He wanted the baby as much as we did.  The loss was felt by many in the family.  I pray for all the mothers, fathers and families who have suffered a loss of a child.  It hurts and that hurt runs deep.  Now when asked how many preganancies I have to say 2, but one child born.  I have become a statistic 1 in 5 lose a baby.  I hope that it's the last loss like that I have to suffer.  No one to deserves to lose a child. 

Aleeta - posted on 01/18/2009

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Well i wish i could consider adopation, but my husband would not go for that, i've asked him about that already.  But i am very thankful that i do have the one i've got and i thank God for him everyday, and he will know that he had a younger brother, just don't know how to tell him.  Thanks for the advice though.

Amanda - posted on 01/17/2009

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I lost a baby 8 years ago (January 30). I still think about that baby everyday but the hurt does go away. It is not as painful to think of the baby now but a calming comes over me knowing that God is holding her. My dad passed away this June and my husbands mom passed away 10 years ago this last June. It also is calming to know that they are up in Heaven with our baby. If you want more children, I would look into adoption, there are so many babies who need loving parents.

Nicole - posted on 01/14/2009

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Yes it does get easier. I lost my baby boy at 16 weeks in April 2005. It is goin on 4 years now and he will always have a place in my heart. God's grace and love has guided me thorough it. I have no explanation to why I lost him b/c all the test came back normal. Only God knows, I do find comfort in knowing that I will see him again. I was able to have another child in 2006 and she is very healthy.

[deleted account]

I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. My daughter was stillborn august 15, 2007. I was 30 weeks pregnant at the time. I had wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember and was absolutley crushed.Why me? I always ask.. My husband and I decided we would try once more and I gave birth to my son almost a year later. Being pregnant again was the scariest thing I have ever gone through. I am thankful everyday for my son and cherish every second I have with him. He makes everyday a good day. Im always being told it gets easier, to be honest Im not sure that it does. I think everyday brings new challenges but I get through each day by remembering the good. The kicks and the way she would move when my husband touched my belly. You will never forget and the hurt will probably never go away but it will make you stronger. I know it has for me..I wish you the best!

Stacy - posted on 01/04/2009

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My first pregnancy was a miscarriage, my second was a still born - my third was a sucess and then two miscarriages after that. I had to have my tubes tied, as I was told by multiple doctors to not become pregnant again. My still born - we named her Hailey Christine would have been 10 years old this June. I will be honest, it is hard, you never will forget and it is okay to cry and remember the life that was lost. They say that time heals all wounds, but honestly it still hurts. I think it always will. I always think when I look at my child when she plays that she should have a sister and other siblings, but I have come to the understanding that God has given me a miracle and I cherish the one that I have more than anything else in this word. It hurts and yes, I am so jealous of others with multiple children, but then look into the little face that you have living with you everyday and count that one particular blessing over and over. Believe me, you will never forget your little one, the hurt will always be there, but you learn to live and something now and then will trigger your sense of loss, but it will get better. The hospital memorials were hard at first, but it allows new grieving mothers to see that we can survive after such a tragedy. I hope this helps, as I know thepain and the hurt. It will get better. You will never forget, but you will learn as time goes on how to function without thinking about it every second of the day.

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