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My own special Angel Emberly Octavia

Sylvia - posted on 04/24/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I had carried my little girl up to 5 months with no problems and than just all of a sudden one day I started bleeding really bad and went into Early Labor. The hospital got it stopped and went a head and gave me the shots for her lungs to develop so if it happened again and if it would not stop. Well pregancy went on for another 2 monts and I was still bleeding and on straight bed rest than when I was about 7 1/2 months along I went into early labor again and the doctors asked me if I wanted them to try to stop it or if I wanted it to proceed so I need alot of checking up on it with the doctors and the chance for my baby to live outside of the womb was not good. I was told if I could make it to 32weeks and than the deliver would be much better. My decision than was to try to stop labor and it was stopped. I quite bleeding at 8 months and was getting ready to get released off of bed rest when I had a normal checkup and the doctor could not find a heart beat that is when I found out that my baby girl would not be coming home to us. 5 days later I gave birth to my little stillborn baby girl and had to prepare to burry her. The umbical cord and wrapped around her neck two times and tied in a knot. To this day there is still so much pain it is even hard to type this I have two other children but that hole is so big in my heart. I always wonder if I will ever get past the fear of this happening to me again and if there was something I could of done to prevent this. When I get down and out I take a look at my other two girls and know that my angel still lives on inside of them and pray that one day we will all meet face to face again.

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Cassandra - posted on 04/25/2009

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Oh hun there is nothing you could have done to prevent that from happening. Please don't think like that. I know it's so hard not to blame ourselves when this happens, it just feels natural to blame ourselves and think that we could have done something differently, but as hard as it is just know that whatever the reason, it happened for a reason and there's nothing you could have done.



One thing I found really helpful after losing my son was going to grief councelling.. just helped me to have someone reassure me that it wasn't my fault and to help me work through some of m feelings of guilt and blame. It's worth a shot anyway.

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