new here..had 1st D&C 2 weeks ago

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2009

Thank you for sharing your story.  I am due to have a D&C Monday morning.  I went in Friday for a regular appt as well and no heartbeat could be found.  It was hard because I had taken my 10 & 9 yr old daughters with me - they were excited about seeing the baby.  I had to tell them while trying to process all of this myself.  They were sad but more worried about me.  I know I am blessed with the precious 4 children I do have, but it doesn't make the pain of the loss any less.  We trust that God has a plan for us and we will be okay - all of us.  My husband has been so strong and supportive - I thank God for him!

I didn't think that after 4 children this would really happen, but again, God has his reasons and a bigger plan for us than I could ever imagine.  Thank you for sharing your story and helping to give strength to us all.

God Bless,

Melissa

Amanda - posted on 03/15/2009

To all the mothers who have had a miscarriage please know that it will pass: I was pregnant 7 years ago with my 3rd child and I ended up having a miscarriage and a D&C done,It was the most devastating thing I went thru,I cried all the time and just kept rubbing my stomach asking god why,why did you take such an innocent life! It was so hard and I cried at the loss every day,it got a lil easier and a lil easier and as the year passed it was more manageable,I blamed myself I blamed God...I just couldnt understand how a prescious life growin inside me could just pass away! A year after I sat there and  bfinally understood that it wasnt my fault or Gods,there was something wrong and that was Gods way of not letting a child be born if there are significant signs of growth......God has a reason for everything and sometymes we may not understand those reasons and may get angry but  he does have intentions behind everything!!! If it isnt meant to be then it cant be sorta termonology! Do I still think of my baby I lost? Yea every year it comes by ...I wonder what he or she would've been like if it was my one girl I wonder alot and sometymes I mourn that loss but it does get better! it doesnt go away but it does get better! So all of you please have hope and strength in knowing that its ok to mourn and if its too much seek a counselor and talk about what that loss has done to you and left you feeling,Don't try to go thru it alone!!!! Sorry if theres alot of typos but I am really tired!!

Joanne - posted on 03/11/2009

there is another child waiting to come into your life, do not worry about what someone had said about refusing a d& c hon. i tried that once, i had heard the same thing and i was not lucky enough for the baby s heart to show it beating again. god works in mysterious ways, and as you pointed out, you did come on your period today, so i will pray that just around the corner, another little bundle, is waiting.

Alexis - posted on 03/11/2009

thank you all so much for sharing your stories.  It was a month yesterday that I found out we lost the baby and had to have the D&C.  We weren't able to find the reason why, and I don't think I am as concerned with that anymore as I am just disappointed.  I read in a christian magazine about a woman who was in the same situation as I was, and would not believe that the baby was gone.  She decided to not do anything when the doctor told her there was no heartbeat...no D&C, no medicine to help her pass the tissue, nothing.  A month later, they found a heartbeat, and she delivered without a hitch a healthy baby.

Now after reading that, I am left with horrible feelings of guilt.  I do believe that God has a reason and a plan for all of this.  And now I feel like I should have been like that other woman and not intervened with anything, and maybe i'de still be pregnant.  IDK, maybe that's stupid, but now I can't get thoughts like that out of my head.

To top it off, I got my period today...that definitely finalized everything for me.  well, again, thanks for listening and understanding.  I appreciate the kind words...

A

Joanne - posted on 03/11/2009

im sorry alexis. it is never easy too loose a baby, no matter how early it is in the pregnancy. Yes god has a specific plan for each of us, and maybe it will help, if i tell you what someone told me. I have had numerous misscarriages, between 10 wks, and 25 wks. A nurse told me one time, that the reason we loose them, is because god had intended for that baby to come at a diferent time in our life, either by our giving birth to it, or by our meeting it at some point in our life, through someone we know, or coming to the aide of one of them later in life. i have to believe that, because for the misscarriages i have had, i have been given the chance to 'mother' the same amount of children as the years have passed and given birth to two on my own. I still seem to attract, 'lost children' to me and have numerous children and young adults calling me mom. Rest assured that at some point in time, you will be reunited. Write your angel a note, and tell the little one how much you love them and miss them. it does help. i still do it for each of the children that i have lost on the day that they were due, and on the day that i had lost them. It s funny, usually on the day i have done this, one of my 'children' call me just to say hi, and it is usually the same one each date.

Tracey - posted on 03/07/2009

Alexis, im so sorry to hear of your loss, i know that sudden feeling of your heart going thump in your chest when they tell you that they cant find a heartbeat only to well, just over 2months ago now 30/12/08,we went in for our 12week scan,my husband was determind to prove that we  were having twins, and how right was he, identical twins!  the huge smile we had was about to turn to tears when the lady told us she couldnt find a heartbeat on either of them :-(  My poor husband just sat there in shock while i couldnt stop crying, everything just went past in a blur from there, we were sent to A&E and then less then 2hrs i was having a d&c, the twins were sent to a patholigst, the results came back that they passed from twin transfusion syndrome (it can only happen with identical twins),then they told us that we had a very rare set of twins monochronic monoamnionic (same sac same placenta),apparntley the chances of conceiving them are between 1 in 35000-1 in 60000, they asked if we would like them back or would they be able to study them as they very rarley ever get to study them, we decided to let them study the girls hoping that it might be able to help someone else or even maybe us again,just never know?? the chances of conceiving them are still there because we have already done it once,but hopefully next time we will be fine.

I fully agree with the fact that you dont relise how many ppl have lost babys until you lose one yourself, alot of ppl came out of the woodwork with their storys and it was a real shock,talking to ppl that had been thru this aswell really helpd,also finding out exactly what happend to our girls has helpd,as i know alot of ppl dont find out and end up blaming themselves and that makes it really hard to get over.

I think about my girls everyday and cry most nights, i would have been about 24weeks now, my best advice to you is to talk about them, they will foreva be in your heart thoughts and dreams,just because there not inside us anymore or in a cot does not mean they were never there, they are our children and oneday we will see them again ;-)

i hope this has helped,im always hear to talk if you ever want a shoulder to cry on or a ear to listen.

Tracey XOXO

Alexis - posted on 02/26/2009

thank you so much for sharing  your story, Lynda. It makes me feel a little more sane for feeling the way I do.  Today was the first day I haven't cried.  It's definitely getting easier, but you are absolutely right, this is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.  God bless you!

Lynda - posted on 02/26/2009

Dear Alexis,

I lost a baby in July, 1972 through a similar circumstance. My baby died at about 4.5 months. I had to go through the pregnancy until I went into labor in the ninth month(remember this was 38 years ago). I understand your pain. I learned that it is very important to grieve this loss the same as you would any other death. I still wonder what my child would have been like. I thank God every day for my beautiful children (2) and my 7 beautiful sweet grandkids! Life does go on, but it seems we don't forget. Hang in there, my dear, and let me know how you are doing.

Lynda