New Here. Miscarried in April of 2008. Does the fear ever go away ...

Angie - posted on 04/20/2009

I completely understand how you feel. I have had 4 miscarriages and 1 tubel. I have a 9 year old son. We want another one but they tell me I might not be able to. Does the fear ever go away no I really don't think it does. But on the other hand you cant let fear take away from the joy that another child can give you. See yourself as having to go through the heartbreak and pain of misscarring in order to have the chance to have a healthy pregnancy. I know nothing I say will help you, like it didn't when people told me their thoughts. But, you are lucky that you are able to have more children. Don't let the fear take that away from you. Good Luck and I am sorry for your loss.

Leanne - posted on 04/20/2009

Hi kelly, I also miscarried around 12 weeks (may 05) and i feel your pain i too had an ultrasound and saw there was no heartbeat never have i felt soo heartbroken when they finally told me there was no heartbeat, wihin only a few months i fell pregnant with my son and i was terified the same thing was going to happen. but the hospital kept a close eye on the pregnancy by having regular scans, and i was delighted when my son was born, he is now 3 yrs old. i know the statistics don't help, they say 1 in12 pregnancies miscarry and i know the worry doesnt cease. Good luck, hope all goes well. sending my love x x x

Marissa - posted on 04/20/2009

I had miscarriage triplets when i was 41/2 mos along. I had a 3 year old son at the time. It is almost 4 1/2 years ago. I had lost another baby after that. So for me the fear never went away and I am still terrified of getting pregnant again. I have let myself become content with just my son. He is the world to me. Personally I use precautions to ensure I do not become pregnant again. I cannot go through that again. I can totally sympathize with you, Kelly. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless you and your beautiful little 2 year old.

Gemma - posted on 04/19/2009

I lost my baby at 41wks in 2006. Long story but I am still coping with my loss. Its still very hard for me. But Every mum deals with grief differently.
Feeling nervous about having another child is normal but its good to talk about every feelings you have... Talking to others that have been through the same is good too.
If at anytime you would like to chat.. You can!!!
I have 6 nephews and nieces so they keep me busy...

Stephanie - posted on 04/18/2009

The first time i was preg i miscarried at 6 weeks. I didnt have a DNC I had to pass my child wich took over a month almost 2. It was horrible, I will never forget the day when he or she came out. Still breaks my heart. I am now 28weeks 4day preg with a baby girl and she is healthy and doing great! When i first found out i was preg again i was so scared of losing another i just tried not to think about it though because it stressed me out and stress wasn't going to help. Still hoping we make it full term with no problems for baby or me!

Stevie - posted on 04/18/2009

i have just gone through and read all the very heart-breaking stories from all you very strong and beautiful women.

I too, along with all you women have had a mis-carriage at 22 weeks. It was the most traumatic thing i have ever gone through in my whole life. I had to go through the labour and give birth knowing that my little man would'nt make it through. When i went into labour the Dr's did an ultra-sound on me and his heart was beating, he was born alive after 21 hours of labour and passed 1 hour 30 minutes after birth. I believe that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason why all our little angels arent here with us today, although they live on through our hearts.

Quite a few of you beautiful women here have already got little ones so those of you that do are blessed to know that you can carry and it wasnt meant to be for your new little one. To those of you, who mis-carried on your first, i did aswell but just dont loose hope, it is very distressing and heart-breaking and when you fall pregnant again it will be terrible and hard to cope with, but also see that as a blessing and if its meant to happen it will. Ladies, you are all admireable people with such big hearts, time will not take the pain away of our losses, but it will ease it. Keep your heads up high, and wee are all here doing it together, here for one another. So never think that you are alone.

Keta - posted on 04/18/2009

I am new to this site and glad that there is a place that we can all come to express our feelings and experiences..I would first like to give my heart felt condolences to all of the mothers and fathers (they go through it too) who have suffered a loss of (a) child(ren). It is not an easy thing to go through and even if you lost and have other children, you should be thankful for your blessing(s), but still go through the heart ache of the one(s) you lost. For people to undermind your loss(es) is just mean. But remember there are always people whose hearts to truly go out to you..



My husband and I found out that we were pregnant on February 14, 2009...the best Valentine's gift we could have ever gotten/given to each other. We were so excited b/c we had been trying for a while...we don't want to be to old with our first birth (we're both 31 yrs old). Well anyway...I was enjoying all of the "perks" of being pregnant (weight gain, morning sickness, needing ginger ale for the morning sickness, using the bathroom 100X a day, and yes the acne that I never even experienced during my teen years). I loved it all!! I got to 11wks and 3days when I started to have STRONG pain...went to the doctor...he called it round ligament stretching. At 11wks 6days, I started spotting...set up an appt. for the next day...got an u/s and my sweet angel baby's heart was not beating. I had just met my baby and his or her beautiful heartbeat 3wks prior and oh what a sight it all was...I cried and my husband was smiling literally from ear to ear. I got the D&C the next day (03/31/09) after NOT seeing the heartbeat. This was a TRAUMATIC experience for my husband and I. My husband doesn't speak much about it..he just says..."I'm waiting for you to heal."



We are both so scared to try again, though we want to so bad...I think that our Faith is what gets us through this trying time. God makes no mistakes...we, as well as all of you ladies who want to have children after these trying times will give birth to beautiful babies if it is God's will...put your trust in Him...He makes no mistakes!!! *tears*

Amanda - posted on 03/25/2009

It does get better as long as you have a great support system at home. If I didnt have my husband I would of went completely insane. Last year we found out we were pregnant our 2nd pregnancy. All was well, we went for a ultrasound, found out it was twins. We were shocked. Went back for another Drs app. An I was alot bigger then I should of been. I put on like 13 lbs in the matter of weeks. Went back for another U/S. Found out we had 3rd baby hiding. We were even more shocked. Months went by an all went well. But when I went in for my check up around 7mths. Something went horribly wrong an our life fell apart. When the Dr checked on Wed. All the heartbeats were there but the Dr told us something was wrong. We went home came back the next day. They put the heart monitor on my belly an one had past. We went home. The next day, we went back same as befroe hooked up to the heart fetal monitor. Our second child had past. An we were devastated. We were told come back tomorrow we did an our 3rd baby had past away. The feeling I had was so surreal it didnt feel like reality. How can you have everything one moment a week before. To turning a 360 an having everything taken away in the blink of an eye the next week. Its horrible.. Its something I still deal with every day. An since then my husband an I have been talking about having another one but Im scared to death. But I have to live my life for the healthy gorgeous lil 3 yr old baby boy I have already. If Im meant to have more it will happen just in due time. This is something that you shouldnt rush. You have to wrap your mind around what has happened an realize were not alone an theirs others out there that we should be talking to an help each other get over it...... lots of love ladies.

Kimberly - posted on 03/17/2009

I feel the same way.  I lost my baby in November at 15 weeks.  I am still very torn.  My miscarriage happened at home and I had a DNC when I went to the ER.

We want another one but don't want to go thru the pain of losing again.  I too have a 20 month old.

Robin - posted on 03/17/2009

    I'm going to have to say no, that fear never really has gone away for me.  I miscarried my first pg 14 yrs ago (on April 4th), miscarried again last year (on April 16th) and again this past month (February 24th).  I was absolutely devastated through all three losses, none of which were planned pregnancies, but all of which were happy surprises.  I have 3 living children: 13 yr old son, 10 yr old daughter and a 2 yr old son, and I am thankful for all 3 of them. 

    I will say I get VERY angry when someone says "be thankful you have children, some women don't".  You know, I am, very much so, but having the 3 beautiful kids that I do doesn't lessen the amount of pain I feel or the loss that I too have experienced.  Minimizing that my making those statements is infuriating!  I don't think any other woman would appreciate me writing off their pain by saying "be thankful for what you DO have...even if that doesn't include a baby."

    It's heart-wrenching to think about the loss.  You wonder if it's something you did wrong, even though it most-likely is not due to anything you've done at all.  You can't help but blame yourself, even if your mind knows it's nothing you did, your heart aches and you feel absolutely empty inside.  I cried for hours and hours 3 weeks ago, so much so that I felt like I couldn't breathe.

    Now, I share those fears that so many other women have.  I want another baby so badly, but the thought of enduring another miscarriage is almost unbearable to think of.  We have been suspicious that I may be pregnant again, and now I have a dental emergency that cannot be postponed.  It has to be taken care of now, and the thought of going through all of the scans, x-rays and meds that I must take is devastating. 

    It's too early to get a positive result, but my gut instincts keep saying wait a week and retest before going under the knife, which means horrid pain for a week, but knowing whether or not I'm putting a baby at risk.  The thought of getting a positive hpt a few days after major radiological exposure is frightening.  I'm at a loss as to what I should do....and afraid of what it could mean if I don't listen to my heart.  Can I handle losing another one so quickly after the loss I had last month?  I don't know...

Anna - posted on 03/16/2009

Hi Kelly,

I shared this very fear and I suffered three early on miscarriages and the death of my stillborn daughter Olivia. I went on to give birth to my twin daughters after all that and the fear never does go away. I found that I had to talk about it and push through the fear to make it through this last pregnancy. It did help. I also found talk to doctors and having regular pregnancy massages helped.

Tracey - posted on 03/06/2009

Im sorry to hear of your loss aswell as all the losses on this page,i to lost my identical twins to twin twin transfusion syndrome 2 months ago 30/12/08, it defintley is one of the hardest things that anyone should ever have to deal with, me and my husband have decided to start trying again now as we both dont want to leave it to late as im 29 this year, the dr said the chances for us to miscarry again are very very slim due to the fact that the twins we lost were a very rare set monochronic monoamninic (in the same sac & same placenta) apparntley the chances of conceiving them are 1 in 35000-1 in 60000 so the chances of that happening again are low. You will know when you are ready, even tho we are trying the scarest thing im facing first is seeing the 2nd line on the test i want to see it and then i dont, just fear thats locked into our brains,goodluck when you decided to start TTC again, all the best. Tracey XOXO   lots of babydust

Ginette - posted on 03/04/2009

I am so sorry for your loss. In 2001 I lost twins at 27 weeks in my pregnancy. It was my first pregnancy and I had a complication call twin to twin transfusion syndrome. It was the absolute HARDEST thing of my life to have to be induced and deliver my babies knowing they were already gone. But, it does get easier.... in time. It took my 6 years to be ready, but now I have a beautiful 16  month old daughter. There were times during my pregnancy that I did get very nervous or scared... but I guess that's to be expected. You will know in your heart when you are ready to try again... there's also some great books out there that help you deal with pregnancy after a loss.  I wish you all the best!

Debbie - posted on 03/03/2009

I lost my baby dec 2007. I had an operation straight after that and had a few complications. The doctor said i might not fall pregnant straight away. Sure enough after 3 months not having a period i fell pregnant to zacariah. Throught the whole pregnancy i was in and out of hospital and the fear never left my mind about loosing him. Even when i had my c-section we nearly lost him. I really believe everything happens for a reason, not that it makes it any easier to get past loosing a baby. B/c it never goes, you just learn to live with the loss and look towards the future. After nearly loosing zac, i was in hospital and this little old lady stopped me and said i needed to look up my babys meaning of his name, then smiled and walked away. As you would i freaked out and rang my sister to find out and te meaning of zacariah is "god remembers" this put a big smile on my face b/c only he would know how hard it was for me to loose my baby and have such a dramatic pregnancy. The only way I got through this pregnancy was to keep faith that what ever will be best for me, god will make happen. my first pregnancy the specialist gave me an ultrasound and said prepare for a misscarriage, i didnt believe him but sure enough 4 days later i lost my baby in the toilet and saw the whole sac. So when i had to go to this same specialist for this pregnancy he never mentioned miscarriage, which gave me peace of mind. I was in and out of hospital nearly every two weeks. The nurses were so rude to me b/c i was constantly in there and they kept saying if your going to loose it, you will i cant stop it. but thank god i didnt. Please keep positive and remember god will only give you what you can handle. I always thought after i had zac I would be so nervous to even think about having another. But my husband and I have already decided when we are planning again to have anoter baby. And yes there is a big chance i might loose it, but also is a chance i might not (just like my last pregnancy) its a chance worth taking if you can have a baby in the end.

take care and keep positive x x

Elisha - posted on 03/01/2009

Speaking from personal experience, there is nothing more traumatic than losing a baby. I miscarried at 8 weeks in August 1996. I got pregnant again afterwards and ended up having a still birth. I was totally devastated. However, I prayed about it and asked God for a healthy baby. A year later, I had a beautiful and healthy little girl. One year after that, I had a healthy little boy. The road was not easy, but I held on to my faith and it worked out. Stay strong and know that you have thousands of new friends here for support. Reach out whenever you need to.

Alexis - posted on 02/25/2009

i found out at 8 weeks that my baby wasn't growing and had no heartbeat.  I had a D&C that day...this was only 2 weeks ago.  I just had my post-op appointment and had the whole "birthcontrol" discussion, and bawled like a baby on the way out of the office.  I want to try again when I am emotionally ready, but like you, I am scared to death of re-living the experience I just went through.  I don't think the fear will ever go away, but you just have to give it to God and pray for the best.  He's in control...

Alexis - posted on 02/25/2009

i found out at 8 weeks that my baby wasn't growing and had no heartbeat.  I had a D&C that day...this was only 2 weeks ago.  I just had my post-op appointment and had the whole "birthcontrol" discussion, and bawled like a baby on the way out of the office.  I want to try again when I am emotionally ready, but like you, I am scared to death of re-living the experience I just went through.  I don't think the fear will ever go away, but you just have to give it to God and pray for the best.  He's in control...

Hannah - posted on 02/23/2009

my misscarriage or i guess still birth was at 6 months i had to see the same thing too it was very hard

Hannah - posted on 02/23/2009

no it never goes way but i think it gets alittle easier after you get further and further and make it to u due date but then u worry if something is going to happen after that so no it dont go away i wish it did

Susan - posted on 02/09/2009

I too lost a daughter over 17 years ago... she would have been 17 in May of this year. I've thought about her alot over the years; what would she have looked like, would she be a typical teen? But I also know that she is my Guardian Angel, so she's still with me. I did have a son about a year later, and I can't imagine my life without him, so I guess there was a reason for losing our daughter. At the time, I too was asking, Why Me? Then someone asked me, "why not you", and you know what? I couldn't answer that. After all these years, I'm still not sure "why me", but some day I'll know the answer. In the meantime, the hurt doesn't hurt anymore; knowing she's my Guardian Angel has healed me. The hurt DOES lessen; you learn to go on. Never quit living,and don't let fear overtake you.

Kimberly - posted on 02/07/2009

I miscarried at 15 weeks.  It was a horrifying experience.  I am petrified of being pregnant again, but would like to try for another.  I have a 19 month old and know that I can carry but it doesn't make it easier.  To have to go thru a miscarriage again ..the thought is terrifying and heartbreaking.

Laura - posted on 01/29/2009

I lost my first three babies. My fourth stayed in there and I gave birth to a beautiful little girl who is now 9. I was so fearful during all of my pregnancies after the first one. Because of multiple miscarriages and other medical issues I was high risk and had to go to the OB every 2 weeks. When my daughter was 1 I was diagnosed with Lupus and told not to have anymore children. I am thankful to God everyday that I have my daughter and I look forward to the day when I can meet my three angels Hope, Joy and Lily Rose.

To this day I deal with the loss of the babies. Sometimes I am down and not sure why, then I will look at the calendar and realize it is the due date of one of the babies. Over the years I have been blessed to be able to offer a shoulder or an ear to others going through what I went through. It helps to feel that something good could come out of something so awful.

I hope that all of you here have healthy, wonderful babies. My prayers go out to you all!

Chris-Rachel - posted on 01/26/2009

Hello.. I am new to Circle of Mums too.. I lost my first Bub on 28th of September 2004, It was heart beaking and yes when I fell pregnant with my second child I was petrified.. He was thank God full term plus 5days and is a beautiful little Boy. However my next pregnancy, I was still scared even though they tell you that ALOT of woman misscarry thier first bub without realizing. This Bub was lost to us also at 11weeks 17th November 2005. I suffered severe blood loss. I fell pregnant straight away.. I did have one normal period I think.. I was soo terrified that I didn't even want to tell anyone till I got to be about 20weeks. And still was fretful till I got to a 'Viable Gestation' About 32weeks then I started to relax. Our beautiful Daughter was born Healthy and fit.. I am happy to say that the pattern of 'Miss one, Have one' that I felt was happening has not continued as I am about to have our Fifth bub (though 3rd here with us) and yes I was still very fretful that I would again miscarry..

I want to say to you all that it is a real fear and don't be afraid to validate it.. I have had other weman say nasty things because they mean well. You all would have heard them. Doesn't matter how early you found out or how long your baby lasted they are still your baby.. Just not here with you. I have named both bubs I lost.. And have the exact date stored safe in my heart. Just as if it were thier birthday. We felt it fitting to Name our fifth Child a name that means 'Fifth' (we don't want to announce it befor he is born so if you are very clever and work it out please keep it to yourself). This is to honor the two we have lost.

Kimberly - posted on 01/26/2009

Hi, I'm new to Circle of Moms. I miscarried at 8 weeks on March 1, 2007. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure. I still carry it with me. But it March of 2008, one year after I miscarried, I found out I was pregnant again. I found out very early, at 3 weeks, so I wwas terrified that the same thing would happen. Even after the twelve week mark, where they say most are in the clear, I was still very nervous. I then had pre-term labor at 7 months and was put on medication so I could carry longer. The slightest things made me nervous. But I had my daughter on November 9th at 37 weeks, and am very thankful. I am still nervous to get pregnant again, the fear I think will always be there, but having a healthy child most definately helps, especially that you have already carried a full term child. I think the unfortunate idea of the possibility of miscarrying again will be in the back of the mind, but the chances of having a healthy child are greater, always remember that.

Kathi - posted on 01/24/2009

Kelly, I understand your nervousness. I think it's a positive thing to be a part of a chat group like this who have gone through similar experiences. I am a RN who works in Labor and Delivery and I lost a baby at 16 weeks. I am involved with a wonderful group called MEND (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death). You might want to contact them because they have a "trying to have another baby" portion of their support group. My prayers are with you. Kathi

Kelly - posted on 01/22/2009

Congratulations on your new addition! I'm sure that was very scary to get pregnant so soon. Timing is everything.

Meredith - posted on 01/22/2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried in Dec 2007 and was devisted. In Feb 2008, I went to my Dr to find out why I hadn't started getting my period again and he advised me that I had gotten pregnant again. I was very scared that I had gotten pregnant right away and the Dr. told me the same thing....It was a good sign that I had a 14 months at home that I carried full term. I am so HAPPY to say that my baby is turning 4 months old this week and is perfectly healthy. It was a scary pregnancy but it was worth every second of waiting and worrying.

Kelly - posted on 01/21/2009

I absolutely think they are worth it. I guess I took it for granted how easy it was when I was pregnant with my son, well I just mean I didn't have any complications. I'm not trying to have anymore, but if I were to get pregnant again I would just be a nervous wreck until I actually gave birth... even then you still worry to death about them constantly. I guess that's all part of being a mother.

Lindsey - posted on 01/21/2009

I think yes and no...the fear gets better but you are still nervous knowing how fragile that life inside you really is. Just remember how worth it they are!

Brooke - posted on 01/21/2009

I miscarried in October at around 11 weeks. I wonder the same thing. My husband worries too. It's a horrible thing to go through. I have a 2 year old and my doctor said the same thing to me. They deal with it a lot and I'm sure they know what they're talking about. I figure that I'll be scared until I get pregnant again and get past those first few months.