Tara - posted on 12/13/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )
I have three children (ages 14,11 & 9) from a previous marriage & have been married to my 2nd husband for 5 years (together 8 years). I had a tubal ligation done after having my 3rd child not knowing that life would lead me into a new direction.
My husband, Chris & I have studied and researched tubal reversal doctors, medical insurance benefits & the pros & cons of having a tubal reanastamosis (reversal) done in order for us to have a child together. We found a doctor in our area who performed the reversal for us in Sept. of this year ('09). We were elated that we were able to conceive so quickly after the surgery. On November 20, our 5 year wedding anniversary, the home pregnancy test showed a positive result. I surprised my husband that evening @ dinner by giving him a fortune cookie with a fortune that read, you will be a daddy in nine months.
My OB/GYN monitored my HcG levels every other day and performed 5 ultrasounds within two short weeks to monitor the development & ensure that an ectopic pregnancy would not occur. For 3 weeks we worried, became excited, then started dreaming & making plans of how our household would change with a little baby in the house. We were so happy when the doctor confirmed that there was a sac that had developed in my uterus and that I was not at risk of having an ectopic with this pregnancy.
Sadly, early Friday morning (Dec. 11) we lost our little one @ 7 weeks old. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it for it has only been 48 hours. I am so sad that the man I told would be a father for the first time will no longer get to live that out. In nine months there will be no baby. (& I can't bring myself to even think about wanting to try for another one. At this point the fear is to great !)
It also makes me so sad that we worked so hard and went through surgery to have my tubes reversed and suffering a loss of our child is the experience we had. The range of emotions that my husband & I feel are confusing. We go from crying to laughing to angry to confused and back to crying. I have found it extremely difficult to "live life as normal" but I feel as though our other 3 children need that so they don't feel negative affect from this tragedy.
Is there anyone with a story that is similar or can give insight on how to climb this mountain that is ahead ?
Sad through the holidays,