I lost two sons. *sorry, long.*

Alicia - posted on 05/02/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm new to this group. I'm new to this site alltogether, and honestly, this is the first time I've shared my story on a website, but after hearing some of the other mom's stories, I feel like I can tell my story, and maybe it will bring some peace to me.



I have 6 kids. My eldest, Matthew, is 17, and my youngest, Cooper, is a newborn. They are pretty spread out. Matthew wasn't always the oldest, though. I had a son named Spencer, who was 17 at the time of his death, Matthew was 14, Kyle was 11, Noah was 9, Kaila was 6, Seth was two, and Corey and Cooper were not born yet.





Anywho, it was 3 years ago this week. May 11, to be exact. Mothers day. My son, Spencer, was going to get some milk from the grocery store. Noah wanted to go with him. I said goodbye, and off they went.



I had not heard from Spencer in over an hour. I called his phone, but no one answered. I waited about 30 more minutes, but instead of calling again, I received a phone call...



"Hello?"

"Hello, Mrs. Reuben, I'm so-and-so with FRD rescue department, I'm sorry to tell you that your children have been involved in a car accident off of the interstate, we are going to need you to come to the sight."

With those words, my worst fears had come true. My worst nightmare had been realized, and the worst day of my life begun.



I pulled up to the scene, they were rushing to get Spencer and Noah out of the totaled car. I was sobbing before I stopped the car. My husband (Daniel) jumped out of the car. Daniel ran to the car, which Spencer had been driving in 2 hours earlier, the car that was wrapped around a bumper rail. It was flipped over. Three ambulances were on the scene. Everything was a blur.



"Hello, Mrs. Reuben. I'm so-and-so, with the rescue services. I'm a paramedic."

"My son! My sons, how are they? Are my sons okay?!"

"Mrs...Reuben...I'm afraid things don't look good-- but I'm not a doctor. I haven't taken x-rays..."

"Mr.So-and-so, Tell me. Are. My. Kids. Okay?"

"Mrs. Reuben, I'm sorry. It doesn't look very promising."

And with that, Mr. So-and-so was swept away, in the flurry of emergency staff trying desperately to help my sons. It was quite overwhelming. I broke down, right there, on the side of the road.



They finally got my boys out of the car. They rushed them to the emergency room. We followed in our car.



They rushed Spencer into emergency surgery, they had Noah in the waiting area, waiting to get treated.



Me and Daniel were sitting in the family waiting room.



"Mrs. Reuben, Mr. Reuben, would you like to see Noah?" a small nurse took us to show us where Noah was. "Here he is."



I walked into the room with my nine year old son. He was asleep. I started sobbing. I rubbed my babies forehead. He woke up and started screaming, in pain. "Stop!!!! STOP!! IT HURTS! Stop!! Please! Please make it stop!" He started tossing and turning in his bed. I stopped rubbing his forehead. "Noah, Noah. It's mommy. It's me, Noah. Noah, baby, stop screaming. You're okay. You're safe."

"Mommy! Mommy! Please!! Please make it stop! My legs! My legs, they hurt! My head! My head s hurting! It hurts mommy! Please!" I started sobbing. "Noah, baby shhh. Shhh."

Noah started crying, but there was nothing I could do to save him from this pain. The pain that was induced by the dashboard pinning his legs.

They then came in and gave him sedatives. He was out like a light.



I sat in there, watching my baby sleep. He was precious. My precious baby. His hair was matted with blood, and his face was stained with blood and cut. His lip was busted, and his eye was blackened, but he was still beautiful. He was still precious, and he was still my baby.



"Mrs. Reuben, would you like to see Spencer? He's out of surgery- and- he's... stable."



I followed her to see my bigger baby. Spencer got the short end of the stick.

"Now, Mrs. Reuben, I must warn you- Spencer does not look normal. Spencer has tubes and wires, and he doesn't look like himself. I dont want you to be scared when you see him.."

"Yes. I know."

"Okay."

She opened the door, and I walked in.

Spencer was laying there- he was bloody and his hair was matted. He was in the PICU, and I was stunned for a moment, seeing my baby. He had wires in and out of him, and he had a heart monitor, and he had a breathing tube running down his throat and nose. I sat down beside him and started talking to him. "Spency, Spencer, its mommy. Can you hear me, Spencer?" He didn't respond. I sat there and held his hand while Daniel nervously paced back and forth. "Spencer- I love you, son. Never forget that- I love you, so much." I sat there and looked at my baby who was hurting. He was asleep- but he was so pained. He looked like he was being pinched. "Spencer- Can you hear me? Its mommy, Spencer, can you hear me, baby?" I looked at him again- it was not possible- it wasn't possible that this was the little human being that 17 years before, I held in my womb for nine months and delivered. It wasn't possible that this was the little human being who was so delicate, so small. It wasn't possible that just as I had watched this human being come into the world, and now, It was possible that I was going to have to watch him leave. I started crying as I rubbed his hand.



"I love you, too, momma."



I was told that night that Noah was going to be moved into the PICU, because they found a small brain hemmorage, and they wanted to monitor it. Spencer was not doing good at all. He was jaundiced from being sick. The pain meds they gave him made him so sick- he didn't get any sleep that night.



Around 3:15 am, Spencers heart monitor went off, and they rushed him into care. They were working on him, and working on him, and they told me they were going to bring him back in for about 15 minutes to talk with me. They brought him in, and asked me if I wanted him to be put on lifesupport. Me, Daniel, and Spencer decided yes, and they left us alone to talk while they got it ready. He had a really loud oxygen machine, and it was hard to talk over it.



"Spencer, me and your father love you. We love you so much."

"I know- I know."

"Spencer, do you really want this- this life support?"

He shook his head. "No. It hurts. This hurts."

"Okay, well, we'll put you on for a few hours."

"Okay."

I stood up to get the nurse, Spencer grabbed my arm weakly.

"Momma- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he cried.

"Spencer, no! Don't-"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I love you. I love you, so much, mommy."

"I love you too."

we hugged and kissed, and cried, as we said our goodbyes.

The next day they told me that Spencer was going braindead, and he would probably be completely gone within a few hours. My son was announces completely braindead within about an hour, and they said if we left him on lifesupport, he would just be like a vegetable for the rest of his life.

We took Spencer off of life support. Spencer was announced dead at 11:53 am on May 12, 2008.



Noah's brain hemmorhage grew more severe. He started vommiting, and they were unable to get him to stop. I was devastated from Spencers death. I felt like I could climb under a rock, and stay there, curled up in a little ball, where no one would ever see me again.



Noah went from stable to critical within minutes. his brain bleed grew more intense, and they couldn't do anything about it. I knew the worst was coming.



Noah David Reuben passed away at 3:24 pm May 12, 2008.



Days passed slowly for a long while. The day after their deaths, on the 13th, Me and Daniel decided to go through the car. We found bags of chips, and dimes and quarters, and mountain dew cans. We found Spencers soccer uniform. We found Noahs shoes, but the most amazing thing we discovered in that totalled car, was a broken picture frame, with the tags still on, and pictures of all of my children, and attached was a letter in an envelope that read "To the worlds greatest momma."

I opened the letter. "Dear Mom, I love you so much. I know you don't hear it often, but I love you. You do so much for us. You pack our lunches, you pay for our clothes, you cook us food, you work so much, and you pay for our things and places we go. You are the best mom in the world, and I just wanted to let you know that this Mothers day. Love, your son, Spencer."



That letter is the best thing I've ever come upon, and I figured out that when my son was out buying "Milk" he was actually putting together the picture frame collage at his girlfriends house. It was my mothers day present, and he was on his way home to give it to me, and I found a picture Noah drew at school, of me and him, in the pool, happy. Together.



These papers are two of my most prized possesions. I keep them with me all the time. I miss my sons SO much- I feel like a part of me is missing.



I miss them so much.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sue - posted on 05/02/2010

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter, Kezia, in a car accident in 2005 when she was 16. I can understand your pain, but cannot fathom losing two children in one day. At the time I had 6 children, and now I have 7. I guess I cope better now day by day, but I carry a sadness in my heart that affects all that I do04. I miss my daughter, and I miss the old me and our former life. I imagine you must have seen your children change too. My oldest son carries a lot of anger in his heart. Not only does he miss his sister, but he misses the family that we were.
Thinking of you this week. I know it helps to just talk about it sometimes.
Sue

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