still cant get over it.

Ricky - posted on 02/09/2010

Time is healing my wounds. I am able to talk to my boyfriend about the topic without breaking down. We talked and I was finally able to ask him why, he told me that at the time he wasnt sure he loved me and that he wasnt sure if I was coming back (I was living on my own then moved in with my mom, 3 hours away from him, when I found out) and he was really lonely. Knowing the reason helped me get over it because I am now living with him and he loves me and tells me at least once aweek and everyday when im gone to visit my mom. I told him how I feel about him and his coworker hanging out, so that has pretty much come to a stop (he tried to lie about it once, but I called him on it and reminded him that I cant trust him if he keeps lying) I am also allowed to do random phone checks whenever I want. I went away to visit my folks for about a week before all the oylmpic road closures and a day or two into my trip he called saying how much he missed us. I told him that if he ever cheated on me again this is the life he will have to get used to because I forgave him once but I dont think I could do it again. It is going to take me more time but I am happy I can at least talk about it now.
these are some tips I found online about how to learn to trust him again

*Take at least a two day break from him after you find out he's cheated. You don't want to knee-jerk react, and then have regrets. Or act rashly. You need to calm down and think, about you and about your relationship. Do you want a man who isn't trustworthy?

*Realize it wasn't you at all. It was him. The men that cheat are emotional midgets, not man enough to talk to you if they were unhappy in the relationship, choosing a coward's way out. Talk to him when you're ready, but don't take on any guilt. He cheated, not you

*Understand the problems you'll face if you forgive him and stay together. The dent in your trust is not just that he cheated, but he lied to you. He disregarded you. Even if you manage to work things out, and he can prove that it's over with the Other Woman, you'll be paranoid at every phone call and boys' night out for a long time. Trusting him the first time was hard enough, the second will take much longer. Are you prepared to work that hard for him?

*Don't have a revenge affair, to get him back or even the score. He's just killed your self-esteem, how is being with someone else going to repair the trust in your relationship? It might make you feel worse. Then there will be two of you insecure and jealous. It's a bad idea.

*Don't use it as a loaded gun you can bring out in any argument for months to come. If he cheated and you forgave him, it's a done deal. It's finished when you forgive him.

Heidi - posted on 01/24/2010

I hope for your sake time will heel all wounds and you will be a happy family, but the reality is, you may be on your own with your son. I have been there and done that. My ex made promise after promise, and broke each and everyone of them to me and my son. He cheated on me during my pregnancy, and right up until I left him. He constantly lied to me about where he was going and who he was with. I finally had enough when my son was 8 months old. I packed up and left. I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I loved this man, but in time I realized I didn't. All I wanted was my family to be together and since I couldnt' trust him and he was physically and verbally abusive to me and said I was the one cheating I decided to go. At first it was hard, but it was the best decision I ever made. I am now happily married to the most amazing man ever. I have a stepson that is 19 now, my 10year old from the deadbeat cheater and a 4 year old with my now husband. Stay strong and follow your heart. If he is still cheating chances are he won't change. MOst of them dont'. Trust your heart and gutt and it will lead you on the right path. Good Luck!