Advice on CoM that bothers you

Shannon - posted on 06/06/2012

Another one that I saw was worst case scenario. What I mean here is I saw one mom asking if it was normal for her very young child to throw her arms up in the air when she was sleeping. My son does this and I just assumed it was the startle reflex something in his sleep made him do it and it wasn't a big deal. I also saw other moms say that was what it was. But there was one person who said it was sleep apnea and that the mom needed to call the doctor right away. I feel like I've seen other posts where someone was just asking if something was normal or not and people jump the absolute worst possible thing that it could be.

As a new mom that would scare me, now I know that there are times when that person could be right but there has to be a way to phrase it so as not to completely scare the crap out of the mom right?

Bethany - posted on 06/01/2012

i will try anything more than once to see if it works except pray to god... cos if there was one he wouldnt f me over like this surely???

having said that i have prayed not to god but to any1 that would listen to help, my son is 28mths n he still doesnt sleep thru all the time, the best thing that was said to me is give it time, i have an incredibly supportive mother ( sometimes almost smothering mum) and if it wasnt for her im sure i would have almost hurled bub at the nearest soft landing spot!!

but not every1 is as lucky as me and they only have places like this to turn to there for pray isnt the answer unless ur faith is so strong and then wouldnt u have already done that and it not worked??

my philosophy now is take any and all advise with a massive pinch of salt, if you feel comfortable trying it do it if not dont, but to me it seems common sence has left the building!!

Happy - posted on 05/30/2012

People who advise you to put down your baby and let them cry it out really, REALLY bothers me!

Casey - posted on 05/29/2012

II know! baby is not gonna be routined in the first few weeks, it takes a while - give them a chance!

Stifler's - posted on 05/29/2012

I hate those posts!! Or "my baby is not getting full from milk... they want to feed every 2 hours" .... and people seem to agree with them that it's not normal for a brand new baby to want to feed every 2 hours and to start putting cereal in their milk wtf.

Casey - posted on 05/29/2012

I swear to god CIO is the only thing that work after all else has failed, i had to do that today with a 15 month old I look after daily, he's a stubborn wee mite and when he refuses to go to sleep he'll scream like a banshee. I go in, lay him down, say its nigh nighs time, he calms down, then starts again when I leave. So I just let him go for it. He falls asleep within the hour, and wakes up for cuddles. If i went in and picked him up everytime he cried, he's quickly learn that is what will happen and therefore it would take longer to get him to sleep.

BTW I hate the "give the child solids at ten minutes old coz it'll fill him up to sleep longer' - for the first month at least it's trial and error, and way to make a baby choke and have painful constipation

Katherine - posted on 05/29/2012

Very true Jennifer, very true.

Jennifer - posted on 05/29/2012

My biggest ones are about what to do about hubbys/SO. I hate when people say to just get a divorce. I could understand if it is a battered woman who needs to flee for her life, but just because a woman is peeved at her husband doesn't mean she needs to run to the courthouse and file for divorce!
The other ones about hubbys/SO is when the woman says her man isn't helping out around the house, and people tell her to just walk out the door and leave the man with the kids and don't tell him where you are going. Seriously, how in the world is that going to do anything but cause a huge fight. If I just walked out the door and told my husband I was leaving for a day, and not tell him where I was going. He isn't going to spend his day cleaning or cooking. More than likely he is going to ship the kids off at his moms while he goes out looking for me, or gets extreemly drunk thinking about how pissed off he is!

Sharon - posted on 05/27/2012

Same here Stifler's Mum. If my kids have a major problem be it medical or social, I don't think telling me to pray is very helpful because it isn't giving me any solutions to the problem. Plus, I don't have a traditional view of God so I'm not too interested in hearing about it if it has nothing to do with the topic being discussed.

Stifler's - posted on 05/27/2012

teh god stuff annoys me especially if the post has nothing whatsoever to do with religion

Sharon - posted on 05/27/2012

Haha Katherine, God is "topic of the moment".

Katherine - posted on 05/27/2012

Cereal in the milk is EPIC. I hate those posts. Now I'm getting sick of the God ones. People really get into it! I had 5 posts flagged in that thread.

Stifler's - posted on 05/27/2012

Shannon I did exactly the same with both my kids and I don't have all these bedtime dramas of rocking my kids to sleep for 3 hours, so I'm happy with that.

Shannon - posted on 05/27/2012

Aleksandra I know that a sling is there to free up your hands my problem with that advice was where I saw it. It was on yahoo answers and the mom from what I could tell was overwhelmed and wanted to be able to find a way to put her child down she was tired of carrying the baby all the time in that case a sling would not help in my opinion. I know for me there are days when my son does not let me put him down and if that went on for to long I would get overwhelmed and a sling would not help I would be way to frustrated with him that it would be a bad situation for both of us if I had him attached to me all day like that.

I also have no problems with advice of rocking a baby to sleep it was the way I saw it phrased as "be a good parent" that I have a problem with. Also at some point you need to stop this I watched my parents rock my sister to sleep until she was in 1st grade because it was the only way she would go to sleep and I personally don't want to get into that habit with my son.

I also need to rephrase my anti-cry-it-out problem. For me (I can't speak for anyone other than myself here) if I have tried other things like when I was switching him from a rocker bed to the crib there were other things I tried that didn't work. What the problem was my son didn't like the crib he wasn't used to it and didn't want to be there but we had to switch him he was getting to big for the rocker bed. Now I didn't just put him in the crib to scream until he fell asleep and not checking on him. I went in every couple minutes calmed him down but I didn't pick him up because he had to get used to the crib and if I was picking him up every time he cried he wouldn't do that. But with us it was the last resort because nothing else was working the first night that process went on for 3 hours before we gave up the next time we tired it was 2 hours since then it's maybe 10 minutes. I'll go in once or twice and he is then fine, when he wakes up in the morning he is happy and is always smilely when he sees me.

Now back on topic I have to agree with anti-vax I had a friend who was like this and she just drove me nuts with her facebook posts about it. She wouldn't listen to another friend of ours who is a nurse that her reasoning was stupid for not getting them for her son. It was because her fiancee's old babysitter said that she knew someone who became autistic from getting the vax before they were 2.

Katherine - posted on 05/26/2012

BAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! ROFL!

Sharon - posted on 05/26/2012

Off topic for a second...
I was watching a show on TV and the topic was anti-vax vs vax. The reporter asked one young lady if she had been vaccinated as a child (she would have been about 17/18) and she said "no". They asked her why not and her reply was "Mum and Dad don't believe in it because they know someone who was vaccinated and got Down's Syndrome". I kid you not!

Katherine - posted on 05/26/2012

Oh God there are SO many!

Liz - posted on 05/26/2012

Yeah. Most of the time, I cram myself into size L bras, as they are a bit easier to get hold of and cheaper, but if I do that, usually by bed time I have a number of injuries/scabs on the bottom side of each breast from where they've been squished up against the fabric! I'm considering getting a reduction, but I need to lose some weight first in order for anyone to take me seriously. The fact that my breasts were too big, proportionately, even before I put on weight 2 years ago is something that nobody in the US where I now live has seen.

I digress from the topic though. Advice which bothers me:

- Anti- vax advice. I mean, I understand some of the counter arguments and understand why some people would choose to space out the vaccinations to a slightly less hectic schedule, but no vaccinations at all when there is no history of adverse reaction?! Augh!

- Advice to pray when the OP has given no hint of a religious mindset;

- I think the hands down worst advice I ever saw was to 'not mind if a toddler is shoving his hands into his poopy diaper, because he can't get sick from germs that are his own' or words to that effect...

Sharon - posted on 05/26/2012

I think the worst one is to Pray to God. Not because I begrudge anyone the right to have religion and faith but because if someone is asking for help with a problem, it is practical hands-on help they are seeking.

Aleks - posted on 05/26/2012

Sorry Liz this quote re large breasts was in reference to full term babies, not premies. And WOW! Size M! I have not heard of such size before, I feel for you sister, I thought that I had it bad with H! But alas I had no probs feeding my babies, one of which was only 6 lb. I think you had numerous reasons for difficulties with feeding. Had you only just had to deal with breast size and not supply plus premie baby plus flat nipples plus shields, then I would think that the size of your breasts alone would not cause inability to successfully breastfeed your baby.

Liz - posted on 05/25/2012

"Or down right nonsense (eg. babeis have problems breastfeeding from very large breasts). "



Umm. Hate to contradict you but this was actually true in my case. I'm educated as a nurse and I had the support of two lactation consultants...and they both agreed. As it happened, I had issues with my milk supply as well that no amount of treatment, medication, pumping etc. could alter, but yep...puppies were too big. Size M, in case you were wondering: I have to get custom bras made. It was impossible for me to breastfeed alone as I needed 3 hands, one to support my baby, one to stop my breast from flopping over her face and suffocating her...and one to hold the nipple shield.



Yes, I did need the nipple shield, as I had flat nipples and my premature daughter couldn't suckle properly without this device altering the shape and giving her something to suck around. She couldn't just suck at my breast; we tried that to no avail. I, with the help of both lactation consultants and various RNs from the NICU, tried over a period of weeks to find a way to manage breastfeeding safely and we just couldn't.

Aleks - posted on 05/21/2012

People who give advice without thorough understanding, knowledge or even possible consequences of said advice. Ie, people who spout advice because they don't know any better and they just tell others what they have been told. Bah, most don't even know or haven't noticed that as a result of their own practices (which they are now recommending to others) their kids have potentially x, y or z behaviours. But whatever.....

Some people just want cookie cutter solutions to their baby's behaviour *problem* (in which cases 99% of the time is just normal baby behaviour, or the problem isn't behaviour related but physical/health relatedd but most people, 99%, don't know or understand that.. and that is where the mistake in thinking such behaviour is a *problem* that needs to be solved, fixed or changed).





Or down right nonsense (eg. babeis have problems breastfeeding from very large breasts).



To be honest... I have no issue with anti cry-it-out posts, I have no issue with the sling advice either (its actually given to you so that if you use one IT DOES FREE UP YOUR HANDS TO BE ABLE TO DO ALL THE OTHER THINGS you have to do, but can't if you are using your hands to hold the baby). Also no problem with rocking baby to sleep advice as this is usually just advice... try something like a, b or c (or rocking to sleep) because it doesn't cost anything to try and it just might work. Unless you stated in OP that you are using it and its not working...lol



I have issue with the CIO encouraging. I could go into a whole lot of reasons of why, but that is another topic.

Medic - posted on 05/21/2012

Unsafe medical remidies.....That just makes my skin crawl.

Shannon - posted on 05/20/2012

Really it's the ones that tell some one to be a good parent and do what they are trying to get away from anyway. The example I gave is just one that I've seen and to me that's rude you don't know the whole situation and like I said with me I do rock my son he wakes up when I put him down so don't act like I'm a bad mom for trying to find a different solution.

Stifler's - posted on 05/20/2012

Yes anytime people are like "when do I start solids" or "my baby is feeding every 2 hours" you get all these people living in the dark ages come out of the woodwork to advise them to stick cereal in their milk at 2 months old.