At the end of my rope

Amanda - posted on 10/04/2011

We have been to the doctors. She said he is displaying all the signs of having ADHD but has referred me onto a paediatric specialists for further assesment

Amanda - posted on 10/04/2011

Thanks ladies. I have made a doctors appointment for tomorrow, couldn't get one for today. I am trying to be open minded to what they have to say. Best case scenario for me would be that they can find something that I have missed or not tried yet, or give me a different approach to dealing with him.

Wish me luck and I will update after the appointment

Aleks - posted on 10/03/2011

Amanda, thanks for the info... and again, I can only empathise..... May be you do need to get him assessed professionally as others have said, especially since it seems to be getting the better of you, at times. Good luck, and keep us posted :-)

Amanda - posted on 10/03/2011

@ Aleksandra, he has pretty much always been a handful, the older he's getting the worse some of things he is doing are getting.
We moved house nearly in Jan 2010 then again in Oct 2010. He had no problem with the move, he was really excited and actually handled it better than I thought he would.

I am a SAHM so have him at home full time, sister has been fine health wise (and behaviour wise), my SIL, who he idolises moved 15 mins away from us back in Jan this year so we see her more than we ever have.

He gets the majority of my attention because he seems to constantly need it. When my daughter sleeps (which can be up to 2hrs at a time) I drop what I am doing and focus everything on him. We work on numbers and letters, telling the time, writing, drawing, puzzles, playing whatever game he wants, reading books, craft activities, baking or chasing/playing ball or frisbee or in the sandpit in the back garden, whatever he chooses to do with me, which usually ends up in about 4 or 5 different activities.
He knows how to spell his name perfectly every time he is asked, I can lay all the letters of the alphabet randomly out on the floor and he can pick the letters of his name out and lay them in the right order. He can spell a shortened version of his sisters name (Ash instead of Ashleigh) and will usually tell you the correct time if asked (on both a normal and digital clock) so he is a fairly smart kid

There have been no major changes in our family or day to day life over the last year. I have always kept our daily routine pretty much the same since he was a few weeks old and every morning I give him a run down of my plans for the day because I know he doesn't handle changes well. If I tell him we are doing something at a certain time, we have to do it then or there are times that he can get quite upset.

Christy - posted on 10/03/2011

I would get him evaluated by a specialist. This isn't normal behavior based on how you are handling it (which is good, BTW). Good luck, hun.

Aleks - posted on 10/02/2011

I can only empathise with you. It is a tough situation you (plural) are going through.

I don't have suggestions, per se, but some questions that *may* prompt an "a-ha" moment.. and that is all that I can really offer you....

Is this something that has been happening for a while or has it started happening relatively recently? Was he always like this (naughty/badly behaved, I mean)? Has there been any changes to the structure of his day/life? Moved house, you started a job or increased your work hours? Any sibling illnesses? Seperations from close family members?
The reason I am asking is, that sometimes things just get out of control for us, by running our day to day lives that kids feel like part of the thing too, or feel like they are not part of the thing and would like to be. May be he feels like he is not getting enough attention and that is his way of acting out, but if your (and fathers??) mind have been busy with life changes (which as we all know can be dramatic at times), kids can sense that but they are also affected then they will find things difficult. And as we know kids don't know what is happening to them, they just get internal promptings to just act!
They can't say that they feel threatened, scared or out of control, inparticular if these emotions are running subconsciously.
Would spending specific one-to-one time with him (without your daughter or anyone else around) and just focusing on him, everday for say 30mins, help? Or do you already do this to some degree? If you do, and there hasn't been any major changes in the last 6 or so months, then may be some of the things mentioned by the ladies above would be worthy of consideration.

Good luck and I hope you find the thing you are looking for in solving and changing your son's behaviours.

Denikka - posted on 10/01/2011

Maybe try video taping an episode? Set up a camera where he doesn't know it's there and let it unfold naturally. That way you have evidence about what's going on. :)

Amanda - posted on 10/01/2011

Katherine thats the thing I know if I take him to the doctors he's gonna be on his best behaviour and the doc will think I'm the crazy lady.

Katherine - posted on 09/30/2011

@ Michelle, how did they diagnose for ODD? I swear my 6yr old has it!

Michelle - posted on 09/30/2011

Hi Amanda, I would definitely speak to your dr. about your sons behavior as he reminds me of mine at that age. My son was diagnosed with both ADHD and ODD at the age of four and this gave us a place to start with dealing with him there are diets and other nutritional things you can do to help with this disorder if it is not extreme. If it is extreme like my sons we chose medication and he is now in grade 5 and a straight a student

Teresa - posted on 09/30/2011

I HAVE a 3 year old and he definitely does have his moments, but I agree.... that behavior is extreme. I hope you can find some answers to get things on the right track soon!

Katherine - posted on 09/30/2011

Your doctor said. "he's 3????" what the......this is kind of extreme behavior for a 3 year old. Some dyes in foods may cause hypersensitivity, not saying that's what it is. But I would ask your dr for a referral to have him assessed because throwing a rock at your head is dangerous. He obviously doesn't care that it really could have hurt you.

My 6 yr old has been having behavior problems too. I want to get her assessed but I know she won't act like that (with my luck) while we're there. I've tried before and had that happen. So I kind of know what you're going through.

Denikka - posted on 09/30/2011

Fresh foods are great, and if there are no additives it should be easier to rule out things like red food dye as a cause for extreme behavior. But fresh foods can still cause reactions (such as my example of the banana allergy)

Unfortunately, some kids do not care.
My brother is one of these. His is more taught than ingrained, but he couldn't give a fig about ANY punishment that gets netted out to him. Including physical punishment like spanking. As soon as the sting fades, it's out of his mind and he's back doing what he's not supposed to. And he's 10 now. His behavior is not as extreme as your sons though.

I would definitely go get him checked out. And don't take no for an answer. Most people WILL say that he's 3, 3 yr olds are crazy, etc. But obviously you need help, and you need to be your own advocate at this point. Demand tests and anything else you can think of. Ask to be referred to a psych who specializes in extreme behaviors in children. Track down every lead that comes your way.
Good luck :)

Amanda - posted on 09/30/2011

I have been thinking of getting an appointment with the doctor again. I spoke to him about his behaviour at his 3 yr check up and he said he's 3 what do I expect (his words not mine)
He does have times where he is good and can be a little angel but other times I just don't know what to do with him.

When I say I have tried everything I can think of, I mean since he started crawling at 8 months. He just doesn't care. I have taken away all his toys, books, garden toys, colouring stuff, bike, scooter and he says ok can we go to the park now.

He seems to be a smart kid, it's so frustrating

I only give him fresh fruit and veggies. He doesn't eat sweets or choclolates. I make my own ice blocks and I buy foods that have no additives or preservitives. My husband is sensitive to certain things so I avoid it with my kids as well.

Denikka - posted on 09/30/2011

Did not think about that Sharon, but yes, foods can DEFINITELY play a big role into behavior. And not just sugary ones.
I know someone, a grown man, who is allergic to bananas. He doesn't break out in hives or any of the other typical symptoms. He tested negative when they tested him because it doesn't end up with physical symptoms.
He turns into a total bratty 3yr old. He's actually in his 30's, but bananas totally screw with his ability to cope with things. He'll have mood swings, temper tantrums over the smallest things, cry, yell, etc. It's only been in the last 10 years or so that he put these things together. It is ONLY when he eats bananas that he acts this way.
He brought it to his doctor who eventually gave in and did some super in depth testing and yup, he's allergic to bananas and they cause his hormones to do horrible things and he ends up with basically the same symptoms as someone with a sensory disorder.
I also know that some children with things like ADHD/ADD can be affected by different foods and can cause either good behavior or aggravate their condition.
So yes, check the food, keep a diary of what he eats, when, a general idea of how much and his behavior after. You may end up finding something surprising.

Sharon - posted on 09/29/2011

I feel for you Amanda, I have had some very trying times with my boy too. My son is 5 now and as he gets older he does become a little easier to deal with. Since starting kindergarten he has reached a new level of maturity. This is just a thought as I have taken this route with my son, have you looked into the foods he is eating? Some children can be extra sensitive to every day food additives and this can have an effect on the child's behaviour. I know my son finds it harder to control himself when he has too much of certain foods. I hope things improve for you and your boy, I know how draining the battles can be :-)

Denikka - posted on 09/29/2011

I agree with Erin. This sounds above and beyond.

The problem with *trying everything* is that means that in and of itself, you haven't been consistent. At this point, I would definitely be calling in reinforcements.
Good luck with your little one :) Hope things get better soon :)

Erin - posted on 09/29/2011

His behaviour certainly sounds extreme.. more than just the average 'naughtiness'. Have you spoken to his doctor? Perhaps you should consider getting him assessed. Good luck!

Shannintipton - posted on 09/29/2011

I feel your pain Amanda. Good luck with that. I lost my kid today. Yea he decided to leave one friends house and go to the other friends house without telling me. Major freak out. sigh. I hope it gets better for you Amanda. Best of luck. :)