bedside manner

Katie - posted on 05/27/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Wow am I excited to find this group! I am in serious need of a good vent!

I am currently 31 weeks ( and one day) pregnant. Since the very start this pregnancy has has been 100% more complicated then my last pregnancy. At 5 weeks my hormone levels weren't high enough. Doctor says to prepare to miscarry because it didn't look like it was going to stick. At 7 weeks I m still pregnant but start having intense pain, I get sent for an ultrasound because the doctor is SURE that it is ectopic and I am going to lose the baby and have to go for surgery. Nope! Just a little sac in the right spot with a teeny little heart beat.
I then proceed to enjoy three months of HARDCORE morning sickness. During this time my husband has moved 15 hours north and has left me behind with our at the time 1 year old to pack up the house as we were to be joining him a few months later. I make it through (barely) and move up north to be with my husband and things were sort of calm for a little while...

At 22 weeks I start having really bad pressure and cramping and go to the ER at the TINY hospital in our rural town. The doctor checks my cervix and gets a really panicked look on his face. 15 minutes later the OBGYN that I see up here shows up and checks me. She says my cervix is low and super soft and they are concerned I am having a threatened abortion. I get sent home on strict bed rest and go back for an ultrasound the next day. The tech says "don't worry your cervix looks looks fine" my husband and I breathe a sigh of relief and head over to the drs office for our follow up. We wait an hour (with my toddler) in the office, the dr finally shows up and she looks like she has been crying. She sits down across from me and says that the ultrasound showed that my cervix (which had been 4cm at my 20 week scan) was measuring at 1.7 cm. My cervix was low and soft and there was really bad funneling. She tells me she has just been on the phone with the provinces leading preemie doctor and because I am only 22 weeks the baby is not technically viable and if I go into labour there is nothing they can do in the tiny hospital in our town. She sends me home on bed rest and tells me that there is a 50/50 chance that I will lose the baby within the week. We go home and the next day I go into labour. Contractions get to 3 minutes apart and I end up on an IV in the hospital. The doctors are asking me if we want to hold the baby when it's born, do we want to have a funeral, do I want to dress it...They are warning us that the baby might live for a few hours without a ventilator and to be prepared to have it die in our arms. I am freaking out and in pain. They pump me full of fluid and I make it through the night and the contractions ease off. I get sent home a few days later still on strict bed rest. They tell me that when I get to 24 weeks the baby will be considered viable and the province will medivac me down to Vancouver (the closest city with a level 4 NICU) where I will stay until the baby is born. I stay on bed rest at home until 24.5 weeks (there was all kinds of confusion about my due date which is a whole other vent!) and the day before I am supposed to be flown across the whole province on the governments dime the drs office calls me at home and says they want to make sure that I have somewhere to stay when I get down to the coast, oh and what time did I book my commercial flight for. WHAT THE FUCK! So I try to calmly explain that I have had every doctor in our town tell me that I was to be flown down in an air ambulance to stay at BC womens until my baby is born. All of a sudden (the day before I am to leave) there are no beds and my lovely doctor hasn't even spoken with anyone about the medivac. So after another week (keeping in mind that this whole time I am having about 12 contractions an hour and constant intense vaginal pressure) during which time my doctor yells at me and tells my husband and I that she can't be the middle man between us and social workers anymore...I didn't even know there were social workers involved. And countless conversations with just about everyone in Vancouver I finally book a commercial flight at our own expense ($700 one way,) we fly down to Van and go to Royal Columbian where there is a doctor I have been referred to who is supposed to have been corresponding with my doctor up north and who knows the situation. Not only is he not even on call the day we are told to go to the hospital, but when we arrive at RCH no one has any idea who we are or why we are there. AWESOME! SO I get to explain the whole long story yet again and because my doctor hadn't sent the records she was supposed to they had to re-do all of the tests I had already had (FFN, gest diabetes, blood, urine, swabs, etc...) After 2 days of being poked and prodded and having to explain to the shocked nurses that I had been sent on a commercial flight 3/4 of the way across the province on my own dime while in threatened pre-term labour I finally see a real doctor who tells me that the ultrasound they have done says my cervix is totally normal...3.2 cm no funneling...BUT I do have polyhydramnios (to much fluid) and at 25 weeks I am measuring at about 30 weeks.
I get sent home from the hospital (luckily I had a place to stay on the coast) and told to come back in 2 weeks to have a follow up ultrasound. After hearing all sorts of horror stories about why I could have so much fluid (ie genetic abnormalities with the baby) I am basically freaking out. My husband had to go back up north and because I was still on bed rest I couldn't take care of my son so he had to go with him. I spent the most depressing 2 weeks ever missing my toddler (who I had only weaned about 3 weeks previous) and being so scared that there was something wrong with my baby.

I go for the 2 weeks follow up and they do another ultrasound (number 9 for this pregnancy...) I get sent up to L&D too see the doctor and she tells me that I have too much fluid but it isn't a dire situation, go home (up north home) and take it easy. The baby looks healthy and all my tests came back negative, the excess fluid is probably nothing. Needless to say I am overjoyed, I get to go home and see my toddler and my husband, and it looks like everything might be ok.
I book my flight (another $500) and fly home on mothers day. I make an appointment for the following week to check in with my OBGYN up here and she tells me she's shocked that I've made it this far (oh what bedside manner) and says she has no records from the hospital on the coast so to come back next week once she's read everything first hand from a doctor. I go back last wednesday and she still hasn't gotten the files and she sits me down and tells me that there is a good chance that there will be something visibly wrong with the baby when he's born because there has to be a reason for the excess fluid. Basically she tells me to prepare myself for there to be a problem and wants to send me for three more ultrasounds before my due date....
Ok I know that was long and I doubt anyone will read all of it, but seriously am I overreacting?!?? What happened to bedside manner. Maybe what I need is someone to say congrats on carrying this baby this far! Not to hear again and again "your baby is going to die" "your baby is going to have a birth defect" after 9 ultrasounds I feel like if there was something serious they probably would have noticed by now...Plus what the fuck can I do about it now????I am 31 weeks pregnant. Even if abortion would have been an option if there was a serious defect it certainly isn't at 31 weeks! Stop bloody poking at me, and prodding me and leave me be. AHHH! Enough with the doomsday attitude. This boy is going to be born and it isn what it is. I wish I could change doctors but this late in the pregnancy in such a small town I literally have no other options (aside from travelling 6+ hours to a different hospital) but after only being in labour with my son for 10 hours I doubt I am going to have the time to make it 6+ hours when the time comes....AHH
Anyways I feel a bit better. Thanks!

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31 Comments

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Lissa - posted on 07/09/2011

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Congratulations, I'm glad everything was OK in the end. You made it through a very hard pregnancy so sit back and enjoy your baby :)

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Big congrats and hugs to all of you! What a ride you've had, but you finally have your boy!
Hope all those medicos have large amounts of egg on their faces!! Showed 'em!

Katie - posted on 07/08/2011

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So I have the update of all updates, if anyone is curious. We welcomed Myles Morris Birdsell into the world on June 29th, at 35 weeks and 6 days. He came without much warning after only 4 hours of VERY intense labour. He is perfect! After all of the bullshit that we went through he was born at 7 lbs even (big boy for a month early,) with a very proportionate sized head (lol) and no birth defects (or at least none that have made themselves known as of yet.) He latched on to the breast only minutes after arriving and have been thriving ever since (with a small setback due to blood sugar levels.) Aside from some jaundice he is a perfectly adorable and healthy little boy. Showed those damn doctors hey? lol.

Katherine - posted on 06/24/2011

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I weighed 187 too, and BFP I was 118. So go fgure!!!! Now I'm 140 and can't get the fat off :'(

Katie - posted on 06/24/2011

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So new update...and I feel a little like weeping so it will feel nice to get it off my chest.
Routine prenatal appointment today, last appointment I weighed 167, this appointment I weigh 178...11 lbs in three weeks, not pleasing. I don't feel like I can possibly have gained nearly 40 lbs since the beginning of this pregnancy. I eat relatively healthy, and considering I am still supposed to be careful about how hard I push myself I have been getting a fair amount of physical activity. When the nurse told me the number I started crying. It's so silly that after alllll these complications this is what feels like the biggest blow, lol. I guess everything else just added up and up and this happened to be the thing that became my undoing in the middle of the clinic. Granted I do have polyhydramnios, which means a buttload of extra fluid, but just the number was a little shocking.
So dr does her thing and measures me and whatnot, takes BP and babies heart rate. While she's doing it she's telling me that she is going to be away for 2 weeks starting next wednesday and the dr who covers her is gone for a week during that time too....So "is the guy who hangs out in front of the liquor store going to have to deliver me if I go early...or..." so thats a little stressful. Granted, shes not getting any worlds best dr awards from me after all this bullshit, but at least she knows the situation.
Then she asks if I would be interesting in having a c-section if the next ultrasound shows that the baby is over 10lbs. sigh... The part of me that wanted a home birth, that believes in minimal medical intervention was like "NO," but the part of me that wants my vagina to resemble a human body part once this kid makes his appearance took a longer time then I would have liked to scream no. I know that ultrasounds in late pregnancy are reliably unreliable for fetal weight measurements. I also know that I pushed out a 7'7 lb baby posterior with no intervention or drugs, so my body is capable of doing some impressive shit. I also know that everything that the ultrasound techs up here have told me has been basically wrong, but suddenly the idea of knowing exactly when this baby was going to show and having control over some part of this pregnancy seemed appealing. I have to keep reminding myself that I do not want a c-section, unless I NEEEED to have a c-section.
I am huge, my belly is the size of a...I can't even think of a reasonable comparison, that's how huge it is. I have heartburn, always! and I am set to be as big as a blimp if I keep gaining at such a frightening rate.
I will say it again, don't get me wrong, I am happy that he stuck it out and didn't decide to bail on us when he tried to show up at 22 weeks...But I want my body back, and I am reallly hoping that it at least slightly resembles the shape that it was in before these kids began wreaking havock on it. lol, this kid better be awesome!

Katie - posted on 06/24/2011

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So new update...and I feel a little like weeping so it will feel nice to get it off my chest.
Routine prenatal appointment today, last appointment I weighed 167, this appointment I weigh 178...11 lbs in three weeks, not pleasing. I don't feel like I can possibly have gained nearly 40 lbs since the beginning of this pregnancy. I eat relatively healthy, and considering I am still supposed to be careful about how hard I push myself I have been getting a fair amount of physical activity. When the nurse told me the number I started crying. It's so silly that after alllll these complications this is what feels like the biggest blow, lol. I guess everything else just added up and up and this happened to be the thing that became my undoing in the middle of the clinic. Granted I do have polyhydramnios, which means a buttload of extra fluid, but just the number was a little shocking.
So dr does her thing and measures me and whatnot, takes BP and babies heart rate. While she's doing it she's telling me that she is going to be away for 2 weeks starting next wednesday and the dr who covers her is gone for a week during that time too....So "is the guy who hangs out in front of the liquor store going to have to deliver me if I go early...or..." so thats a little stressful. Granted, shes not getting any worlds best dr awards from me after all this bullshit, but at least she knows the situation.
Then she asks if I would be interesting in having a c-section if the next ultrasound shows that the baby is over 10lbs. sigh... The part of me that wanted a home birth, that believes in minimal medical intervention was like "NO," but the part of me that wants my vagina to resemble a human body part once this kid makes his appearance took a longer time then I would have liked to scream no. I know that ultrasounds in late pregnancy are reliably unreliable for fetal weight measurements. I also know that I pushed out a 7'7 lb baby posterior with no intervention or drugs, so my body is capable of doing some impressive shit. I also know that everything that the ultrasound techs up here have told me has been basically wrong, but suddenly the idea of knowing exactly when this baby was going to show and having control over some part of this pregnancy seemed appealing. I have to keep reminding myself that I do not want a c-section, unless I NEEEED to have a c-section.
I am huge, my belly is the size of a...I can't even think of a reasonable comparison, that's how huge it is. I have heartburn, always! and I am set to be as big as a blimp if I keep gaining at such a frightening rate.
I will say it again, don't get me wrong, I am happy that he stuck it out and didn't decide to bail on us when he tried to show up at 22 weeks...But I want my body back, and I am reallly hoping that it at least slightly resembles the shape that it was in before these kids began wreaking havock on it. lol, this kid better be awesome!

Katherine - posted on 06/18/2011

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Yeah, I totally understand where you're coming from. Pretty damn rude if you ask me.

Sounds like the baby is going to be fine though :)

Update frequently!

Katie - posted on 06/18/2011

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Oh and yes a tooth! A human front tooth! And when I phone the company up the first thing that person on the other end says is "well mrs birdsell...we haven't had any other complaints of teeth in that lot." WHAT! Do you think that someone is running around spitting out a dozen teeth at a time????Of course you only have one complaint...IDIOT! And then they said that they would send me a $2 rebate for the product in about 4 weeks...And that's it...........Thank god I get my 2 dollars back hey? Cause that was my bloody concern, not that my kid could have cracked his tooth, or choked, or gotten god knows what from the TOOTH THAT WAS IN YOUR PRODUCT! Anyways.....breathe...count to 10....lol. But yes I am the queen of bad luck.

Katie - posted on 06/18/2011

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Lol, I have been so busy with trying to function like a normal person that I forgot to update. Why don't they make bathroom stalls for people who measure in at 45 weeks pregnant :) Things are going...ok. I am still pregnant which is good. Next Thursday is 35 weeks which means that baby will be able to be born in the local hospital and I wont need to be transferred. Also, 35 weeks is the cut off for my pelvic bedrest (TMI coming up here.) It's been three months since hubby and I have engaged in intimate relations and needless to say I am getting a LITTLE TENSE! So those are both good things. I was referred to a specialist up here (who just popped out of the woodwork, I would like to know where he was when they were telling me my baby was going to die...gr!) He told me I am huge (yeah no doubt!) measuring around 8-10 weeks bigger then I should be, but that the fluid isn't severe enough to warrant an amnio reduction, which is a relief. Baby seems healthy (despite it's apparent mutant sized head) and as far as they can tell there are no obvious problems....Not that that stops them from warning me again and again that he could come out needing immediate medical attention for something they haven't seen. I understand covering your ass but seriously I GET IT! Any baby could be born with something wrong, I honestly don't feel like mine is any more likely to be "defective" as one doctor so nicely put it...So, anyways I have bee steering clear of the doctor as much as possible because all they want to do is talk about "game plans" and whatnot and I really doubt that there is going to be time to put any kind of plan into effect when this little man decides to show. I only took a few hours to dilate from 2-10 with my first and I have a feeling that this guy (big head and all) is going to arrive much like a greased pig. I've agreed to one more ultrasound in about three weeks if baby is still hanging out, and other then the usual (not hands on, ie no more goddamn internal exams!) prenatal appointments I think that the doctor and I are going to keep our distance. Lord knows that if we ever decide to do the whole procreation thing again I am going to be the biggest pain in the ass to whichever doctor I end up with, because I will NOT go through this again. At least not while being shown so little respect or empathy from the people who are supposed to be the experts. Thanks for reminding me to update...and for caring! lol.

Katherine - posted on 06/18/2011

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My mouth just literally hit the floor :O

WOW, the nerve of some people and the audacity. What a snarky little bitch. So your baby has a huge head.....big deal. Good God what was HER problem??? I would have given her a tongue lashing for sure!!

And a tooth? And a knife??? You are the queen of bad luck, I'm so sorry :(

It can only get better. Bad things happen in 3's right?

Jane - posted on 06/02/2011

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These folks sound as if they work for the OB/Gyn who screamed at me that I had polycystic ovary syndrome because I was fat and losing my hair. This was despite having been diagnosed as hypothyroid, which makes you gain weight and tend to lose hair. She wanted me to have PCOS and was going to scream at me until I did.. I voted with my feet and swore never to set foot in her office ever again.

Maybe these folks are hoping for complications because it makes them feel important. I mean, in medical dramas the star is always having to be very serious and deal with life or death situations, so maybe they are all St. Elsewhere Wanna-Bees.

Hope things go well. Let us know.

Katie - posted on 06/02/2011

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well seeing as this is a venting community I have a very *vent-y* update. Today I went for an ultrasound, I am 32 weeks. The tech I had was one of those really quiet ones who makes crazy serious faces the whole time. I tend to babble when I am nervous, which I was. Needless to say we did not make a good match. She spent about 15 minutes looking at the babies head. When I finally asked "hey is he missing something important all of a sudden" she glared at me and said in a vey snarky voice "WHY?" Well because you have the scariest most concerned look on your face that I think I've ever seen. "I am concentrating" she snaps at me (BITCH.) I don't think that I need to explain why I might be reading into the terrifying look on your face after dealing with what seems like every possible complication known to man during this pregnancy...Sheeesh! Then she says "does your husband have a very large head?" "ummm, he's a little generous in the noggin department I suppose...why?" "Because this baby has a huge head" AWSOME. SO I ask is that normal and she tells me that it might be. What did I do to these people to make them so unhappy???????? Good lord! So this week has been "one of those days" but a whole 7 days worth of them. Including my toddler finding a tooth in this snack pack thingy from walmart (YES a HUMAN TOOTH!) and the resulting aggravation that comes with talking to every customer service rep in the company. Then I sliced my hand open with a cerated knife while cutting a bagel. Then I cut myself with a lady bic and had to clean up my own bloody mess. Just to top it off on my way to walmart this morning to complain again about the TOOTH (EWWW) that my kid almost choked on, someone ran a red light and almost T-boned me, and the scare set off a super fun couple of hours of intense contractions. Cheers to an awesome week! I have a follow up appointment with my "doctor" tomorrow, I expect that she is going to tell me that the baby will be born with some rare incurable abnormality...Again...Cant wait!
Thanks for listening!

Jane - posted on 06/01/2011

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If you were in the United States I would say your doctor doesn't know what she is doing, but is smart enough to know that she does not want to be sued. After all, if she tells you everything is going to be fine but then it isn't, you might turn on her. But if she tells you the baby won't make it but he does, then you are happy and she is a miracle worker.

She doesn't sound very competent so it would be really great if you could find someone else. But if you can't then do the best you can.

The good news is that just a few more weeks and your baby won't even be premature. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Katie, you are one strong lady! I'm in awe at your toughness! Huge hugs and congrats xxx

PS Stuff the medical profession

Katie - posted on 06/01/2011

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thanks again for the support ladies. So far so good. I have agreed to an ultrasound tomorrow and then one more if he doesn't show by my due date. Not the one every three weeks that they suggested. The doctor has said that she is uncomfortable not having a "game plan" although I am unsure as to why I would need a plan aside from have the baby and go from there. Luckily I have an awesome husband who took amazing care of me and my son while I was on bedrest, or else I think I would have gone nuts. It's a scary thing when you realize and experience first hand the fact that doctors don't have all of the answers. Anyways 32 weeks tomorrow and the little guy is kicking up a storm in there, so hopefully it all goes good. Thanks!

Lindz - posted on 06/01/2011

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Wow! good job for you! some dr.s are rediculious! sounds like ur backwoods bitch of a dr doesn't know what she is doing. my advice look everything up and read all the books you can be your own advicate.

Kate CP - posted on 06/01/2011

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Thank God it's almost over. I would have been tempted to punch that OBGYN in the face.

Not really. I probably would have just sobbed (pregnancy hormones) and called her bad names. :P

Rachel - posted on 05/31/2011

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Wow is right! Sheesh! I would recommend you find another care provider. Doctor, midwife, SOMBODY!
I'm glad everything is sort of straightening out for you though. After 9 ultrasounds... nothing abnormal... too much fluid could be anything... including normal for you. Relax. Take a deep breath. Enjoy your little one and your husband.

Melanie - posted on 05/28/2011

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Well, I would have lost control of my frustrations if I were you. If my doctor were to mess with my mind that much, I would have freaked out on her and stopped going to my appointments. If she's just going to cry when your the one having complications, then you could do better by not seeing her. She's too involved emotionally and probably shouldn't be a doctor. Your doctor might not be as educated as she is supposed to be if the ultrasound tech said everything looked fine at your small town hospital. I mean, that would be something to look into. If she is old, maybe she is going senile?

Stacey - posted on 05/27/2011

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Hey! I'm up north too and I hear ya about the lack of consistency here. It can be sooo frustrating to hear so many things about the same issue! But you're right. For better or for worse, you're gonna have this baby & love every minute of it! He could be fine or have "something wrong" with him but so what? He's YOURS. My daughter is always seriously sick and we live in PG hospital for weeks on end almost every month (I live further away and have to leave my 2 boys at home each time). After being E-vac'd to Van a few times I've come to realized that life is fragile but shit happens and you just have to go on. You sound like a strong mommy so don't let the "what if's" get to you. Don't bother with the other exams unless you think they are necessary because it sounds like your doctor is only gonna freak you out every time and who needs that?!?! Someone needs to tell her to suck it up because she's doing more harm than good crying at your appts. Good luck with your surely handsome little one!

Katie - posted on 05/27/2011

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Thanks for the support, it really is nice to hear some encouragement instead of negativity. I am going to refuse the exams from now on unless they can give me a really valid reason for having to do them. I am not even sure if I am going to go for all of the ultrasounds... The whole thing has just been so frustrating. GRR! lol, this was supposed to be my all natural home birth. No such luck there! Thanks again ladies for the sweet comments!

Karen - posted on 05/27/2011

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Wow that's gotta be the toughest pregnancy I have ever heard of. CONGRADULATIONS! You made it! You can refuse the tests if you want. they might try and talk you into them, or make you feel like you have to. But you made it this far. I think your baby will be fine. Hang in there. You are definitly a strong woman to handle all that. Try to kick back and relax for the rest of the preg. doctors don't always know what they are doing.

Sneaky - posted on 05/27/2011

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Only nine weeks to go!! whoo hoo! Congratulations ;o)

I would just like to add: I hate your doctor. What a bitch.

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Holy moly!! I'm SO sorry for all the crap you've been through in this pregnancy. The good news is it's getting near the end!

Lissa - posted on 05/27/2011

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Words fail me, I can't imagine what you have been through.
Congratulations, you've made it all this way under all this strain. Try your best to relax for the rest of the pregnancy and tell them all to piss off.

Katherine - posted on 05/27/2011

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Wow! Congratulations! You made it. 31 weeks and they said you may lose it. That's amazing.



I love how doctors are so damn negative!!!! Screw her. My doc was the same way.

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