Corinne - posted on 07/21/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )
Where the hell to start? I'm actually feeling sick, thinking about this.
History: I'm one of 4 kids. I have 2 sisters (1older, 1 younger) and a younger brother. When we were little, we didn't realise at the time, my Dad used to beat my Mum up - a lot. He was a sneaky swine and she never said a word, so nothing was ever done. Dad was never very nice to me, he always had something negative to say whether it was my school work, my dancing or what I was wearing, it was never good enough. Fast forward to my teens and Mum had gotten a job working from 5-9pm in a store in another town. My older sister worked at the same store on the same shift. During this time, Daddys hurtful comments became physical abuse and downright violence eg: one night we talked about leaving school and what I wanted to do next. I told my Dad that I was applying to the performing arts college to study dance and he exploded. I told him it was my choice and my life and he could therefore 'f@ck off'. Big mistake. He chased me upstairs, threw me into a wall, pinned me by my neck til I almost passed out and when my younger sister came out of our bedroom, he threw me down the stairs. I can still remember him telling my sister that she'd been having nightmares and to forget what she'd seen, it'd be alright in the morning. I ended up with eating disorders, zero confidence and a complete lack of trust for anyone. I never said a word about any of this to anyone. When I was 17, Mum found out Dad had been cheating and kicked him out. By the time the divorce came through I was 18 and that's when the truth came out. Apparently my Nan (Mums mother) had noticed some of my injuries and had been reporting them to social services. This information had been given to Mums solicitor, who now wanted to talk to me about prosecuting my Dad. I was horrified, I didn't have the nuts to do it and so he got away with it.
My Dad now lives abroad and as a result I don't have to see or speak to him - fantastic! Apart from this. Every now and then, he comes home. He stays at a friends or with his Mother, who lives opposite my Mum. I have to walk past these houses to get my daughter and (as of September) my son to school. Last year, he conspired to 'bump' into me on the street just after I'd picked my daughter up. I was livid, but I remained civil for the sake of the kids. He has only seen my little girl 4 times in her 5yrs (3 of those times were before she was 6months old) and he's laid eyes on my son once. He bent down and introduced himself as their Granddad, so I corrected him and walked away. Now, the thought of him just being anywhere near me or the kids makes me sick. Just thinking that he could knock on my door has my heart racing. I know I should probably think about counselling, cause this is bloody stupid, but why can I not shake this feeling? Why after all these years has my fear of him re-surfaced? I just want it to end. Any ideas?