Delicate situation/warning

Nikki - posted on 05/21/2011

She could have put them up for adoption though....

I have a ex friend that had an abortion, we are not ex friends specifically because she had the abortion but because of the situation surrounding it.

We were pregnant at the same time, I was so excited about being pregnant and she wasn't so much, she was in a newish relationship. I ended up having a miscarriage. We went to a bbq a few days later and she was there, drunk while pregnant. She told me she was going to have an abortion and I was so lucky I didn't have to make the difficult choice that she had too. She wished that she could have a miscarriage too.

Now that was pretty painful to hear coming from a "friend" hubby and I really wanted our baby and it just seemed that life was unfair. This woman was healthy, had a good income, family support, everything that was needed for a positive environment to raise a child but she chose to abort.

It taught me firstly to choose better friends but secondly it doesn't matter how strongly and how much you agree or disagree with another choice when it comes to this type of thing, you have to accept that it is their choice. You have no control over how they are feeling and ultimately what they choose to do in the end.

Barb - posted on 05/21/2011

Joanna makes a good point. What would these twins be born into and what kind of life would they have had? Unless you would be willing to take the twins and raise them yourself, i don't see how you can judge her for not wanting to do the same.

And you are judging her, as much as you don't want to. We all judge eachother, we make 'judgement calls' on what we should or should not do based on our own experience and those of others. It is part of our nature to judge things as good or bad.

Caveman: "fire good" = judgement.

Nikki - posted on 05/20/2011

That's so awful. Steph your posts just brought tears to my eyes :'( I am feeling very emotional today.

Sorry you are having to deal with this woman Katherine this is just awful. She seems incredibly selfish. I am pro life for myself and could never abort a baby but I have learned that I need to accept the choices of others, no matter how much they are the wrong decisions in my mind.

Sneaky - posted on 05/20/2011

It is quite possible that the pills have altered her brain - why else is she sleeping with a man she despises?

It is possible that the person you once knew and like is still in there, but it is your choice if you want to stick around and find out.

For me, it would probably be a deal breaker. I can logically understand that she was afraid of having twins, was afraid that she would hate them because if the father, afraid that they would be born damaged and/or drug addicted. But my heart says no, that it not the type of person I would want dragging that crap through my life.

I wish there was something I could do to help :o(

Brie - posted on 05/20/2011

well katherine she is a pill head so she will never be in her right mind but to abort twins is ridiculous to abort any baby is ridiculous but thats my opinion and i'm not going to argue with anyone over it.. you couldn't make the decision for them so really there is nothing you can do... it is absolutely disgusting!! her reasons are ludicrous as well.. i couldn't be friends with someone like that!

Katherine - posted on 05/20/2011

It's really hard. I don't think I want to associate with someone that insensitive and cruel. She's just not in her right mind.

Teresa - posted on 05/20/2011

And Katherine.... I don't know if I could still be friends w/ her. NOT saying you shouldn't be, but that's just me.

Teresa - posted on 05/20/2011

I'd feel the same... especially HAVING twins. Well.... I'd be upset about any abortion, but aborting twins just cuz you don't want to 'deal' w/ them..... :(

Firebird - posted on 05/20/2011

Her reasons aren't the right ones, and she should have been more careful to avoid getting pregnant in the first place, however, at least she won't be giving birth to two drug addicted babies that she'll resent and possibly neglect due to who their father is.

Katherine - posted on 05/20/2011

I'm not really sure, Barb. It's not fair of me to judge, but on the other hand her reasons are IMO not the right ones. Of course I don't want to lose the friendship. I just don't agree and wish she made a different decision. I know it's already been made and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
It's just heartbreaking.

Barb - posted on 05/20/2011

What do you want to happen here? What is the end goal?



You can only control yourself and the choices you make. You are also only responsible for your choices, not hers. She is the one who has to live with the consequences of her choice.



What has happened has happened, it can't be undone. So you also have a choice to make; accept your friend despite any flaws you may find in her, or not and end the friendship.

Katherine - posted on 05/20/2011

She didn't want them because she hated the guy who impregnated her. I just talked her. I'm f'ing furious.

Erin - posted on 05/20/2011

Maybe she realised terminating the pregnancy was a better option than birthing two drug-addicted babies who would be forced to go through withdrawals? IDK.. obviously I don't know the woman. I am pro-choice, but the thought of terminating twins because you only wanted one is revolting.

Stephanie - posted on 05/20/2011

Just to add, when Ava was 5 months old I was blessed with another miracle, I got pregnant with twins. Was I ready for another baby? No, I had just had a baby. But I welcomed them with open arms and felt so lucky to finally have the children I had always dreamed of. The thought of ending my pregnancy, their lives, never entered my mind. That is just not part of my way of thinking. One of the babies stopped developing early on and didn't make it. Was I happy to not have to 'deal with' twins? No. That was MY baby and I love it from the moment I knew it existed, it was devastating. People are so cold and cruel and have no idea how lucky and blessed they are.

Stephanie - posted on 05/20/2011

That's heart breaking. I am pro-life but I also don't believe that I have the right to make other people's decisions for them. But that doesn't change the fact of how I feel when they make a decision I see as morally wrong. Depending on what kind of pills she is on, she could have been weened down under a doc's supervision, been switched to methadone in the 3rd trimester, something, anything, there ARE options, safe ones. She didn't have to abort them. This really kicks me in the gut to read. I tried for so many years to have a baby before I had Ava...10 miscarriages in all...and every one of those babies I loved and wanted with all of my heart to the depths of my soul. I couldn't imagine taking for granted such a huge blessing and throwing it away like it meant nothing. I couldn't imagine ending the lives of my children. My beautiful, innocent, defenseless, completely loving, completely trusting little babies. Just devastating. I'd like to slap her right across the face.

Danielle - posted on 05/20/2011

I dont agree with abortion either. But like you said, she is an adult, and can make her own choices. You dont have to like or agree with her actions, but you do have to accept them, and her for who she is and what she does. I know that can be hard at times, i too have a friend that does not always make the best choices in life. But that is what makes everyone different. If we were all the same, thought the same, did the same thing. It would be a boring world. All you can do is be there for her, if she needs you, that is if you can accept what she has done. she may end up regreting it in the future, who knows. But that is a sad excuse to get an abortion.