F***ing Seriously?!?!? (WARNING sexual content)

Brie - posted on 05/14/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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sorry need to vent for a minute... first time in a long time that hubby and i have had the night to ourselves.. my mom kept the baby... we go to a movie and come home... we were going to make the most of it like most couples would (sex) and so I decide to do something different and get all dolled up for him and i come out of the bathroom and he is passed out on the couch.. so i turn everything off go to the bedroom and wait for about half an hour and he never comes in... i go back to living room and there he is sawing freakin logs... so i shake him awake as hard as i could and said come to bed and turned and walked out... he finally makes it to bed turns around and goes to bathroom comes back falls on bed and covers up and boom he is sawing logs again... now we have been kinda having bedroom problems already he is 28 and he can't go long often so usually i don't get anything from it much... and he used to be able to go a few times and now only once... I just can't deal with it tonight... i have a very high sex drive... i just want to cry i am so over it...

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Nicole - posted on 11/26/2012

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There's a great deal here that remains unsaid. Is he tired from working long hours to support the family? If not, has he had a thorough physical examination to determine if there are health issues involved? If it's the former, be thankful he has employment in this economy and is a hard worker. In any event, if your attitude is liberal minded, consider the fact that in and around any large metro area there are services available for a fee --male strippers who will satisfy your needs. So I suggest you consider calling "dial-a-stud" and stop tormenting your husband! Just keep it totally confidential, since confession may be good for the soul, but it destroys marriages.

Danielle - posted on 05/18/2011

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It sounds to me like he is just sleepy, you said he goes to bed around 10-11 and gets up at 5, i know when my hubby has to get up at 5 or 6 he is in bed at 9, just after the kids. I dont have an issue with sex as we have it 1-2 times a day, and yes i mean a day... It can be a bit much for me, but i love making him happy! Perhaps he just is not that interested in sex alot. Maybe you should talk to your dr about it, and find out if it is just an issue of not enough sleep.

Brie - posted on 05/16/2011

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christy its kinda funny you said that... it made me think and i have noticed that a lot of times he is ready in the afternoon/early evening like when he gets off work he is playful and active when other times he isn't! thanks ladies its nice to know i'm not alone.. and kinda makes me feel a little better about myself... we talked a little more and i told him i was worried it was my size and he told me i was still and always beautiful to him... but he mentioned joining a gym together... he says he wants me to be happy.. he has an athletic build without as many muscles... he isn't stick thin but he isn't thick either... and he wants to get some muscle tone and he said that way if we join a gym we could be each others support and might make us want to do it more often if we did it together!

Christy - posted on 05/16/2011

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I HATE to say this but welcome to the world of kids. My DH does the same thing. I have found he is more "active" in the a.m after a good nights rest, and never at night these days. Maybe you can set up a day date to hang out and get some "afternoon delight"? :)

Nicole - posted on 05/16/2011

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i too lost alot of weight and then gained it all back PLUS some when i had my daughter. my image issues have killed my drive. but when i am in the mood the bedroom time blows. if you do it more often he will last longer. its when you dont he wont. that is our issue i know this from dating days and when i was pregnant. now we go weeks in between instead of a day or hours. and my SO has a long recoup time for a24 yr old guy we talk about it and gets to feeling like hee cant preform and i remind him that we wont get better with out talking it out. even love life suffers from lack of communication

Shastin - posted on 05/16/2011

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Was his sex drive higher before? Typically if his sex drive is down than it's a sign that something is wrong (such as stress, weight gain with him or you, porn/masterbation abuse etc). Have a heart to heart with him and ask him if it is your weigh or ask him to go see a doctor. Tell him it will never change if he doesn't mention it and then be open to the answer. If you want to loose the weight it isn't easy but LA weight loss is a great tool. The eating plan wasn't a diet but helps you eat balanced with good portion control. I lost all of my baby weight (and then some) and loved the results because it really works well. Make sure you are confident in yourself because that is sexy!

Mrs. - posted on 05/16/2011

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Sounds like he's just really tired.

Maybe you should ask him, calmly, what his ideal is, per week, for sex. Like, for instance, what it your ideal? Personally, I'm good with twice, three times if I'm feeling okay. My fiance, who sometimes is a little less eager than me actually says his is about the same. When I asked him, I really thought it would be very different.

Just suppose you guys want the same amount of sex and it is the communication and logistics of actually doing it that is getting in the way?

I'm just thinking, you said...

"we go to a movie and come home... we were going to make the most of it like most couples would (sex)."

If you know that he's wasted from the work week and sex is the priority, why not skip the movie or do it after the sex? You gotta be clear with him about how important it is and make it clear with your actions. Plan it out, if it starts to get bad and make it the main event.

To put it another way, don't wait until the dead of night and you are laying in bed to start a big dolled up night of action. Men are kinda simple, they work their asses off and lay down...brain says sleepy time and they are out. It doesn't matter if you are a Victoria's Secret model...their bodies just give out.

Now, that works both ways. If you set up a time or once a week deal where you are certain you two are having sex, his body will be up and ready for it. I suggest also starting things not in the bed, which he might associate with sleeping. You can end up there, but don't start there.

If it is more than just miscommunication and being tired, you'll eventually find out. Either way, it is not because you gained or lost weight. Men, will throw it in a bowl of hot soup and be happy if it were the thing available.

Brie - posted on 05/16/2011

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we have talked about it but he just keeps telling me he doesn't know.. I know he is tired but he stays tired... he does have a good excuse to being tired all the time though so i don't knock him for it he works his butt off... we have tried all kinds of things except like the pill... I do have to admit that after i wrote this and commented back and forth a little i went to bed and we kinda talked/argued a little and wound up with some seriously mind blowing sex but that usually only happens post arguement... we have toys and use them but after using them a lot they kind of get old I have "taken care of myself" several times... I could try the playing before he comes in... i don't think the morning thing would work... he goes to bed around 10-11 and is up for work at 5... and i know he isn't in the mood for anything and on the weekends he always manages to wake up before me! thanks ladies i do appreciate the advice... it seems though that i may just have to pick fights with him lol...

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Brittany, I don't know exactly what all you may have tried, and while my situation is the exact opposite of yours, here are a few ideas.

1. Toys are wonderful! Especially if BOTH partners are up to trying them out in the bedroom.

2. He may be overly stressed and tired from work right now, or any other many different chaotic things going on right now in life. I know it's frustrating, but give him and yourself a break. You both need to talk about it, like adults, no matter how self conscious you are. I am too!! But open, heart to heart dialog between the two of you can help!

3. Is there a time of day that he is not so tired? I know my husband absolutely LOVES to be surprised in the mornings by me! You could try giving your husband fellatio to wake him up in the morning and then see where it goes from there.

4. Next time you get a chance... start without him, literally start without him. Do you have a vibrator? If you know he is on his way to bed, start pleasing yourself with the vibrator as he comes in and then mention it would be a lot "funner if he would join in".

My last thoughts are, has he had a check up? Many things can interfere with a mans libido, illness especially. And talk to him! Make time to sit down and have a heart to heart!!

Tah - posted on 05/15/2011

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Once a week, it's not a 3rd trimester prenatal visit...but I can see the working making him tired and with some time off him wanting to sleep, not about you...I would say yes, talk about it and tell him he can be honest with you....

Jenn - posted on 05/15/2011

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Is he stressed out? If so that could explain his lack of interest in sex. You two need to talk...not at home where the bedroom is a few feet away. He may be feeling inadequate and therefore avoids sex altogether. As you know, mens egos are very fragile especially when it involves sex.

Stifler's - posted on 05/15/2011

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argh he sounds like my husband. he doesn't get it that once a week is not good enough.

Sneaky - posted on 05/15/2011

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It is NOT your fault! His issues are HIS issues - you can help and support him, but when you get right down to it, not your fault.

The only think I can think to suggest is that you concentrate on getting your freak on by yourself. If that means treating yourself and buying some toys . . .well :o). That would take some of the pressure off both of you to 'perform' and let you concentrate on just cuddling and being close without expectations.

Well, it sounds good in theory anyway!

Mel - posted on 05/15/2011

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you poor thing...no advice as Im the one in our marriage who is too tired for sex, and I also dont have any issues with it but I feel for you. Must be very difficult. My hubby cant last that long considering we dont have sex that often but all the foreplay means more to me its much more fun and Im very selfish in bed thr sex is just the endpart for me so I dont really care how long it lasts, so what about foreplay and doing other things?

Brie - posted on 05/14/2011

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yeah... here is the thing.. growing up i was always bigger and then one year i lost about 100 lbs and was smaller and thats when we met but in 09 while pregnant i gained most of it back and can't seem to lose it i have lost about 20lbs so far and thats all i can do... not for lack of trying either so my confidence is way down anyway... he compliments me and stuff like that and i have tried talking but he either gets upset because he "can't do the job" or jokes about gettin old... i know he isn't cheating so thats out of the question... right now i just want to slap him lol.... i don't know what to do...

Brie - posted on 05/14/2011

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we even went and picked up "supplies" lol... but i can't help thinking that its me... and so i get very down because of it...

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