I have a SERIOUS problem

Stephanie - posted on 04/04/2011

Thank GOD!!!!!!! Woo-Hoo!!!! Happy dance, happy dance!!!! :D Yay!!!!!!! :D

Katherine - posted on 04/04/2011

FINALLY, I got a bed!!!! Woo Hoo. I am so excited. Tomorrow at 2. About damn time.

Katherine - posted on 04/01/2011

No, I know it wasn't imagined because I was only on those for 6 months. I actually haven't talked to my doctor, I need to make an appointment with him. If he has the guts....

Georgia - posted on 04/01/2011

So maybe part of the problem was imagined. Because you were a bit too hooked on the pills? You were saying, "I NEED them" so maybe your mind was making you think you needed them. Hmm, sounding more and more like you were hooked.

I think it's great that everything is getting better. So does the doc still want to operate?

Katherine - posted on 04/01/2011

Funny you say that Donna, the pain is less now. I'm just taking my robaxin and nuerontin for it. At first it was spasming really badly, but as long as I take the robaxin (muscle relaxer) I'm ok. It still hurts but not nearly as bad. Funny thing huh?

Georgia - posted on 04/01/2011

And how are you managing the painful back? Are you taking something for it, or finding an alternative?

Katherine - posted on 04/01/2011

Thanks, Christina. I do have a sponsor now so I am working really hard with her and I went to a first step meeting last night. It was all women at the table and they were great. They all gave me their numbers for support. I'm feeling a lot better knowing I have the support system I din't have before that I so desperately needed.

Christina - posted on 03/31/2011

Well, I am glad that you were able to find that out for yourself. Some think that just because they choose to do another drug and abuse it, that its not a relapse because it wasn't their drug of choice, but indead it is. Some will also say that it isnt a relapse if you were never working a program...its just a slip up, but indeed the sobriety time starts over. Either way....I know you didnt want it to be that way, but you are doing all that you need to do to get yourself better..and admitting...is definately the first step! I am glad you did tell someone at the crisis center...and I do understand the reasons behind them having to let you go, just because it sounds like you need to get, YOU Right First...and this situation seems to be in your best interest, even though, I know it must stink to have lost your job. I hope you continue to do well on this journey. And don't let the ways of the world get to you. Find your place in recovery. For me...I did AA then NA and had a few different sponsors, make sure that you click well with your sponsor and the group that you ultimately decide to go with. I have found that church and God are what helps me. Just take it one day at a time....and you will find your way. take care and I wish you the best! Sincerely, Christina

Sneaky - posted on 03/31/2011

The good news with the benzo's (Valium) is that they usually only become addictive (and one's body becomes tolerant to them) over a long period of time - so if you are going to only be on them a few weeks, then getting off them should be easier then stopping the Norco! Fingers crossed!

Georgia - posted on 03/31/2011

Oh. :-/ So that means you need to get yourself off those now too?

I'm becoming more grateful for my chocolate addiction more and more as this thread goes on.:-) I curse it when I gain weight, but at least it's not dangerous!

Katherine - posted on 03/31/2011

Because they put me on Valium for withdrawals LMAO. Fuckers.

Georgia - posted on 03/31/2011

I'm an addict to, even though I've never abused alcohol or drugs. I realised very early on that I come from a long line of alcoholics and have got the addictive personality gene. Thanks dad! My drug of choice is chocolate. In my early 20s, I was going down a very dangerous road with drinking. All those yummy cocktails while hanging out with friends and having a great time.

So Katherine, you're right that you can't help it. You must have that same gene. It's hard to keep in check. Maybe the key is to get addicted to something that isn't harmful to you? Like salad, or sewing.

It sounds like you're doing heaps better! I'm so glad. So why do you need the bed now if detox is over?

Katherine - posted on 03/30/2011

Isn't that terrible? I just can't help myself. That's why I'm an addict lol.

Stephanie - posted on 03/30/2011

LOL I hear ya. For me it's coke, thrift stores and craigs list. It's a horrible compulsion.

Katherine - posted on 03/30/2011

Well even though it's not my drug of choice, I took something and abused it. I'm an addict: Therefore I relapsed. I get addicted to everything. Seriously. Diet Coke, shopping, you name it. I love Etsy and I'll buy shit on there all day long. It's abominable.

Katherine - posted on 03/30/2011

Nope, no job until 2 years clean. I was working at a crisis center that dealt with substance abuse so they can't have someone "unstable" in there counseling people.

Stephanie - posted on 03/30/2011

Will they give you your job back after the IOP? I don't get why they fired you anyway. I agree with blowing up their damn phone! Keep trying til you get through then rip them a new asshole.



EDIT TO ADD:

Do YOU feel like it's a relapse? If you really don't feel that way don't let someone else talk you into believing something that isn't true or unfair. Only you know what really happened and how you felt. To me, taking a prescribed med and having no control over your body's reaction to it is NOT a relapse. But it all comes down to how you feel about it.

Katherine - posted on 03/30/2011

@ Christina, I digress, I AM considering this a relapse. So says my sponsor and everyone else in my support. Didn't want to have it that way, but.....what can you do?

Katherine - posted on 03/30/2011

OK!! So I'm done with the detoxing, pretty much. Feel like my old self, pretty much. I got a sponsor YAY! So happy about that. Never did get that damn bed though....I have called and called, but to no avail. But I am going to max out their VM and blow up the phone until someone contacts me lol.
So my sponsor is my ex-manager, if you can believe that. She offered, she has 18 years clean and she is awesome. I just love her to death. I'm really excited about it.
So before I can find another job I have to go into IOP (Intensive outpatient), but it's all about me right? I mean as far as getting well. Of course I have my 2 girls.
So there it is.

Christina - posted on 03/29/2011

I will write you back soon...I want to write, but i am soooo...tired and if I stay up writing...before I know it, it will be 4am. sooo...hang in there, and i will share some more stuff with you as soon as i can! talk to you soon! sincerely, Christina

Stifler's - posted on 03/29/2011

This sucks Katherine I hope you get what you need xxx

Georgia - posted on 03/28/2011

Oh oh.... Here comes a "prayer/happy" dance.... thump thump thump

It sounds like things are getting better for you.

Katherine - posted on 03/28/2011

@ Christina, I don't consider this a relapse for a variety of reasons: I did take more than prescribed but it was only because my back hurt so damn much. I think I did start abusing it the month before I decided I needed to do something about it. I did sort of like the high. I knew I was in trouble then.
I immediately decided to go to detox, which never happened. I had already done it on my own. They did call tonight for a bed but wouldn't let me bring my clonopin which I've been on for 4 years for massive anxiety. They wanted me to just stop taking it!!!! I have NEVER abused it.

Anyways, I just don't know whether or not to consider this a relapse. I didn't relapse on alcohol.....I am getting a sponsor and going to meetings.

The thing that happened is that I stopped going to meetings like 3 years ago. I didn't thoroughly follow the path. I didn't work the program. That's my fault, and now I know better.

I did speak to one of the assistant directors and I think she's going to be my sponsor, so that's good. I am ready to clean up for sure.

Leeann - posted on 03/28/2011

since you vented i will share something with you...after i had my daughter and my back pain notched up a few hundred degrees i discovered i liked pills. to much in fact.

i was able to beat it back with the support of a VERY good friend and the love of my little baby girl. that was ten yrs ago. i still take pain meds when i need to (like when they are prescribed) but have discovered its a thin line that i walk. i rely on my will and the strength of my faith to get me through hard patches.

i understand what you are going through. its so difficult when i find myself going back i go to that friend and she helps me move on from it.

do you have someone like that you can go to? a counselor or a priest or preacher? I hope so you shouldnt battle this by yourself honey. you need to be careful and find another doctor or let your doctor know about your background tell them the trouble. that if they dont already know.

if they do then find another one.

good luck to you sweetie and if you ever need anyone to talk to we are always here. and you can always pm me..

Georgia - posted on 03/27/2011

Yippie! I hope you've got that bed now. Hang in there, sister!! Hopefully the wd doesn't last too long... and I'm not the praying kind, but I'm doing my version of praying for you.



It looks more like the "Potty Dance" I do when W goes pee in the potty, but the words are different, obviously. :-) (Have you ever seen a hippo doing Hip Hop dancing? That's a bit what it looks like)

Stephanie - posted on 03/26/2011

Thank God Katherine!!!! What a relief! I hope they hurry the hell up about it and I hope you aren't in full blown wd yet but I'm sure you are. *Cringe* I'm just so glad to hear that you're on your way to where you need to be to get better!

Christina - posted on 03/26/2011

Hello Katherine, I to am a recovering alcoholic of almost 6 years in June. I read and then re-read your post and I'm wondering a couple of things. First off, are you calling this out as a relapse? A slip up? or a "I knew this was gonna happen before I even took the meds....reservation?" I have had to question myself a couple of times with situations and I truely believe that it all boils down to how you feel about the situation. Did you take as prescribed? Did you take way more than prescribed? What feeling were you searching for? A high? or for the pain from your back to go away? If deep down you feel you have relapsed, then, take it as it is and start over. Being in recovery ='s possible relapse for any of us. So working in a crisis center with addicts, SHOULD be a place where you can open up and share this without judgement or taking losses. If they take away your job, then they truely should'nt be running a crisis center for addicts! Its in the books >relapse happens, even to the recovering addicts/alcoholics who have been sober for decades! I say you center yourself, accept weather or not you have relapsed, share this situation with a sponser, if you have one, and if nessisary, if you have come to the conclusion that you have relapsed, I would tell those who are genuinely compationate at the work place, about your situation. If you don't you will continue to work there with guilt eating away at your mind and spirit. Take every moment as a learning experience.Throw out the bad and take in the good and try and not make the same mistake again. We are all human with weaknesses, but there is no reason to beat yourself up, because you have a lot to be thankful & greatful for! take care and I hope I helped in some sort of way! Sincerely, Christina D.

Christina - posted on 03/26/2011

Hello Katherine, I to am a recovering alcoholic of almost 6 years in June. I read and then re-read your post and I'm wondering a couple of things. First off, are you calling this out as a relapse? A slip up? or a "I knew this was gonna happen before I even took the meds....reservation?" I have had to question myself a couple of times with situations and I truely believe that it all boils down to how you feel about the situation. Did you take as prescribed? Did you take way more than prescribed? What feeling were you searching for? A high? or for the pain from your back to go away? If deep down you feel you have relapsed, then, take it as it is and start over. Being in recovery ='s possible relapse for any of us. So working in a crisis center with addicts, SHOULD be a place where you can open up and share this without judgement or taking losses. If they take away your job, then they truely should'nt be running a crisis center for addicts! Its in the books >relapse happens, even to the recovering addicts/alcoholics who have been sober for decades! I say you center yourself, accept weather or not you have relapsed, share this situation with a sponser, if you have one, and if nessisary, if you have come to the conclusion that you have relapsed, I would tell those who are genuinely compationate at the work place, about your situation. If you don't you will continue to work there with guilt eating away at your mind and spirit. Take every moment as a learning experience.Throw out the bad and take in the good and try and not make the same mistake again. We are all human with weaknesses, but there is no reason to beat yourself up, because you have a lot to be thankful & greatful for! take care and I hope I helped in some sort of way! Sincerely, Christina D.

Katherine - posted on 03/26/2011

Soooo......I'm waiting for a bed at detox and inpatient. Right now I'm dying trying to stay out of bed to avoid the horrible cramping. This is so not fun lol. I got meds for vomiting and muscle cramps but they aren't 100% effective.
I can't wait for it to be over, this blows.

Krista - posted on 03/25/2011

Ah shit, Katherine -- I'm so sorry to hear about all the rough times you're going through. I hope that things turn around for you soon, honey.

Julianne - posted on 03/25/2011

omg Katherine i am so sorry to hear about your job and what your going through!

Sneaky - posted on 03/25/2011

I'm so sorry about your job :o(

Iridescent - posted on 03/25/2011

I'm so sorry. I really hope you can get through this without too much trouble, and hopefully get your job back.

Georgia - posted on 03/25/2011

Are the girls with dad this weekend? You do have someone in the house with you to "help", right?

I just started the mummy worrying.

Georgia - posted on 03/25/2011

Oh no. :-( I'm so sorry, Katherine. I know how much you loved that job. Did she give you the opportunity to get it back once you're back on track, or is that it for good? Surely she could understand. I mean, I get what she's telling you, but there could still be some compassion there and this hasnt been going on long. Maybe I'm just more "softly softly" because it's you. Turns my other hard nosed posts to shit. :-/ lol

So should I expect two medium sized boxed in the post soon? :-) I could use the help with the boys... And 2 playmates would do nicely.

So this detox is sounding a lot like a drug detox! Ok, don't you roll those eyes at me, you know what I'm trying to say! :-P I meant like heroin... Hard drugs. If it gets too bad and you can't get that bed, youncould always call an ambulance and report an overdose or something so they come pick you up. Well, an under dose really.

My fingers, toes and eyes are crossed for you! (there, that should give me an excuse for the bad typing) worst case scenario, it's Saturday morning here, so I can be on all day if you need someone to yell at. You can virtually pull my hair too, I'll let ya cuz I loves ya that much! :-)

Katherine - posted on 03/25/2011

LOL Donna.
I'm starting ti feel the effects but the clonodine is helping a lot. I still am just waiting to start puking. I may have a bed this weekend for detox, crossing my fingers.
I lost my job :'( I had to tell them because I will be detoxing for a week at least. I fucking hate them. She said I need to get all of my ducks in a row. I get that. I'm still really upset though. Not something you want to hear when you already feel like shit.

Georgia - posted on 03/25/2011

Write a note before you start your DIY detox. Make sure you say something like "if you're reading this it's because Dr. Arsehole of Fuckwit Medical Centre isn't professional enough to help me get off the Norco he prescribed me, a recovering addict."

Stephanie, yeah I know what you mean about it being dreary. They shoot up, or shoot their head off. It wasn't until I moved to Australia that I realised how much I'd suffered from SAD while living in OR. It's pretty and green, but only cuz of the 15 months a year of rain! :-)

Katherine - posted on 03/25/2011

Ha ha I gave them the rest of my Norco. I live in Canton. I will just kick alone. It shouldn't be too bad :S

Stephanie - posted on 03/25/2011

Katherine- What part of Michigan are you in? This is unreal that these so called 'healthcare professionals' are being so laxed and careless about this. It's infuriating.



If there is no way of getting into an inpatient detox the only thing you can do is ween yourself with a decreasing dose like you have been and use the clonidine to help. That is, if you have enough Norco left to be able to ween long enough to not pop full on w/d. What's really terrible is that it's easier to get a refill for the damn Norco than it is to get detox treatment. Isn't that crazy!?!

Sneaky - posted on 03/25/2011

You can do it Katherine! I LOVE the suggestion Donna made about finding a NA meeting and asking them for help - if anyone knows how to DIY that will be the place to find them. Good luck.

Katherine - posted on 03/25/2011

OMG is everyone insane???? I just spent 5 hours at ER only to have them send me home with Zophran and Clonodine.
Seriously??????
Guess I'm kicking it alone.

Stephanie - posted on 03/24/2011

Donna- This place is so dreary...no wonder so many people turn to drugs lol. Thanks for the info...any idea what part of MI? I'm hoping she got checked in somewhere since she hasn't posted this evening. *Fingers Crossed*

Georgia - posted on 03/24/2011

Stephanie, she lives in Michigan. Seattle, home of grunge and suicide from SAD. :-) I'm originally from the PAC NW too.

Stephanie - posted on 03/24/2011

I don't get detoxing before you detox...what kind of f'ing sense does that make?!?!?! What kind of an addict has enough freaking self control to do something like that?!!! Nobody! What city and state are you in? I'll try to help.

Stephanie - posted on 03/24/2011

I don't get why the won't admit you. Can you just agree to stay off the clonopin for a few days and tell them you need to detox from that too? They don't need to know that you're going to keep taking it once your out of detox. Maybe it's easier here bc it's Seattle, home of the grunge, nations capital for heroin addicts. In detox they will also give you clonidine which helps you to relax and will also give you a sleep med if you need it so it won't be so bad...it's just a few days.

Iridescent - posted on 03/24/2011

Donna has a good point. Maybe your doctor can simply admit you to a hospital floor for a few days; he screwed up and caused this in the first place. It's not like it's a situation where you want to stay ON them.

Georgia - posted on 03/24/2011

OMG I can't believe you can't get the help you need. Do you meanthe inpatient places won't take you because of the anxiety meds? Why? And why would theybask you to do it alone if you're asking for help xeroxing off something else?! I just don't understand what's wrong with these people.

Okay, this may be a stupid suggestion, but what about going to an NA meeting and ask one of the old timers for suggestions and possibly inpatient places that might take you? They should have some resources and might be able to offer some other suggestions.

What about a sit in? Go in and see your doc and refuse to leave until he solves your problem! :-)

I know I'm not much help, but maybe my dumb ideas will make something click for you. It's funny, they talk about the war on drugs and everything, but it doesn't seem like they do much to help people get clean.

Kate CP - posted on 03/24/2011

Oh, sweetie. :(

*hugs* I hope something helpful happens soon.

Katherine - posted on 03/24/2011

I can't BELIEVE this shit. No one will take me because I'm on clonopin!!!!!! It's for anxiety. And I've been on it for 4 years. It's bullshit. They want me detoxed off of it for 2 weeks, well how am I supposed to do THAT alone? Fucking retard morons!!!!
I am so damn pissed right now I can't even breathe. I have been making phone calls for 2 hours and nothing is panning out.
I need to DETOX!!!!!!!!!




AHHHHHHH!!!!

Iridescent - posted on 03/23/2011

Oh yea, I remember what I wanted to say besides that! Finally clicked!

My grandma is 67. She's been an alcoholic for most of her adult life. Last month, she decided to quit, cold turkey, without talking to her doctor. Within days she was in the ICU having problems breathing, and she suffered a stroke. YOU are doing this the right way. I'm so glad you're intelligent enough to see the problem and also see the fix to keep yourself safe.