I have issues

Angela - posted on 08/28/2011

I will just quote what my daughter says when something is really awesome, she gives a big thumbs up and say rock on and then gives a high five! You rock...

Katherine - posted on 08/28/2011

I already left :)

Angela - posted on 08/28/2011

"I have kids and I can't be chasing and worrying about him." you said it well and others gave good advice.

Know it will hurt to leave a person you love, 8 months in love and leaving is better than 8 or more years and having your daughter lives being one that lived with an addicted step parent. Also for you, you deserve to be loved by someone that can make you and your family a priority not drugs and addiction. So leave now it won't be easy but it will be a good example to your children and leave the door open for a person who can give you what you need and deserve.

Good luck and when you feel weak look at your kids, be strong for them when you can't be strong for you. Hugs

Katherine - posted on 08/27/2011

Thanks Shelly, that really puts it into perspective for me. You're right, I can't help him and I can't go down with him. Didn't even think about the drugs being in my car (he hasn't ever to my knowledge).

I have already basically cut him loose, now for the final cut.

Shelly - posted on 08/26/2011

Oh wow. Is this really the example you want your children to see as normal? I work in the ER, I see these men work women like you over all the time and manipulate you to no end. Every time he is so sorry, and he will do what ever it takes. You know this is abuse don't you? He is taking advantage of the fact that you are probably a very nurturing & caring person to begin with.



Just a FYI, if he is in your car & has drugs on him, you will go down too. What would you do if he does drugs in front of your kids? What if the kids got ahold of the drugs? Seriously, not to be a mean bitch, but I am the person that runs the code blues on people like this, they will all OD eventually & not an ounce of your love can stop this.



I want you to imagine he has terminal cancer, now I want you to cure it and make him better by loving and supporting him to pieces. His addiction is a terminal condition in his life that will most likey kill him one way or another. By you staying thru this you are gulity of enabling his behavior. He will never stop & he knows that he always has someone to go back to. This is like a bandaid, rip it off and it will only hurt for a little while. Don't let this man take a second of your time away from your children.



I have been with men like the one you describe & damn they can be charming & they pay you loads of attention, but please, please, please move on there are 1000's of men out there that can set a wonderful example for your children. I would guess in a nonjudgemental way that your background may have some abuse some where. You already know what to do.



Your love could not cure him if he had cancer, so it sure as hell can't cure his addiction. :(

Jodi - posted on 08/26/2011

Katherine, I'm just going to say what everyone else has said, you need to break this off. Your very first priority needs to be your girls, and this is not what you want for them. Yes, you need your life too, and you need to move on, BUT it can't be at the expense of your kids, ever, and by continuing such a toxic relationship, that's exactly what you would be doing. But you know that. That's why you are here and you are wanting the support to do what you know you need to do.



I really feel for you, hun. Life isn't fair sometimes. But best to nip this in the bud now than have it keep going. it will only make it harder. {{{hugs}}}

Teresa - posted on 08/26/2011

Run!

I'm sorry though.

Katherine - posted on 08/26/2011

I have my daughters tied up. I'm going to have to anyways lol.

Tah - posted on 08/25/2011

Katherine, you already know, it's easier said than done I know, but you know..if your daughters were writing this, what would you say???

Erin - posted on 08/25/2011

Katherine.. run. FAST! You have done so much work to get better yourself. Don't jeopardize that. It's obvious from your post that you know it's a dangerous situation for you. You can't save him. You have to look after yourself and your kids, no matter the cost.

Katherine - posted on 08/25/2011

You guys are right. I have to end it. I don't want him involved with my kids and then have something terrible happen.

Christy - posted on 08/25/2011

Run away, very, very far away. This is toxic not only to your children, but to you as an addict.

Jenn - posted on 08/25/2011

Getting involved with an addict...who will always be an addict...is a tremendous challenge and quite emotionally taxing. The ups and downs of that relationship isn't healthy for you, your kids or even the addict himself. From what you post, you know this isn't healthy for you or your children and you can't fret about him every day. You will drive yourself crazy!! He has to get his life together and you can't make him do it. All you can control is your own life and, to a degree, that of your kids.

If you stayed with him and your kids got close to him, then he OD'd...can you imagine the trauma you would all go through??? You ARE strong enough to do what is best for all of you..

Jayce - posted on 08/25/2011

It sounds like you know what needs to be done. Stay strong.

Lissa - posted on 08/25/2011

I'm sorry you are going through this shit, you know what you need to do, no matter how hard it may be.
I hope you have the strength either way.