If it makes you feel bad, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!

Brooke - posted on 03/20/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )

201

20

46

Just a whinge here about my hubby. He has not mowed the lawn in about 6 years. Every time I do it, he sits there watching t.v. or playing video games. After I come in, all sweaty, he starts complaining about how I'm making him feel bad by doing the work, and that I shouldn't do it. I've tried not doing it, when I was pregnant, but had to give in cause I "lost" my oldest boy down the back. I don't even care if he doesn't mow, but I would like him to at least help clear the toys and stuff away! Instead, my kids do it, and if I ask hubby, he will come and do 1 or 2 things and then race back inside to his game/show. And if I do the front, he starts making jokes about what the neighbours will think of him, making his wife mow the lawn. What about what his bloody wife thinks?! And if he's so worried about it, why doesn't he do something?! His answer- "every time I think of it, you've already done it" So, what, you didn't think of it the whole time I was pregnant?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Barb - posted on 03/22/2011

3,372

15

198

Over the last 17 blissful years of marriage i've:

Thrown his dirty clothes out into the yard,
After giving him six months to get his vehicle fixed or do something with it, i had it towed away to the junk yard. (took him a week to realize it was gone)
Thrown his tools out of the window of a moving vehicle. My car is not his service truck, he has a vehicle for that.
Shot at him with a pellet gun. (yeah, i missed, but that wasn't my intention)
Started remodeling projects with the most important tool any wife needs.. a sledge hammer.
I've shut off the power to the entire house and put a padlock on the disconnect.
I've left him alone to finish deadline projects when he's waited until the last minute to start on them and then try to take his stress out on me. Not working with an asshole. He wouldn't tolerate anyone else treating me that way, he shouldn't allow himself.

I've behaved very badly with very good results.

[deleted account]

If he tells you that you make him look bad, just tell him he is making himself look bad by being a lazy-arsed git who won't pull his weight!

Kate CP - posted on 03/20/2011

8,942

36

754

Tell him you're not going to mow any more. And don't mow. Wait until you get a citation and make him pay for it. Then if he continues to not mow the lawn tell him to either get his ass outside and start cutting grass or you'll hire a lawn crew. That's how I got mine to do it. :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

27 Comments

View replies by

Amber - posted on 03/23/2011

1,909

13

144

You guys are much more patient than I would be. If the cars don't fit in the garage or driveway, it's not happening. And if it doesn't run, it's not happening either.
This is a house, not a junk yard.
Kudos to you guys! Your men are lucky haha.

Vegemite - posted on 03/23/2011

916

0

15

Girls just be thankful the cars haven't turned into a business we currently have 50 of the suckers hahaha It started at home now we have a shed in an industrial estate. The good side, I no longer have the look out the window and see cars lining the footpath and driveways.

With the mowing I would just pay someone to do and when husband complains about the money you're spending say what else did you expect was going to happen, you weren't doing it and it got to much for me to do.

Barb - posted on 03/23/2011

3,372

15

198

We own a shop, but not to work on cars. Our primary employment is contracting, but we also do fabricating and welding for local farmers among other things.
My husband has a service van to load up stuff and go help them on the farm if they need him there. I have a farm truck cuz ever farm needs a truck. Then he bought us a mercedes benz last year and fell in love with mercedes benz. He found an old 1985 one along the road for sale for 800.00 and brought it home. It has run perfectly, he loves it.. i have to admit, it was a good deal. So now we have 4 vehicles for 2 drivers.

Last month, he saw a 2 seater 1972 mercedes benz hard top convertible 8cyl in town for sale for only 500.00 and wanted to buy it.

I said no, we have our vehicles, and the van is not working and the rear differential is going out on my truck and we are going to have to fix that. fix the van and the truck, then you can buy this car. Hell, it's been for sale for 3 years.

His buddy Jim came over and was saying his girlfriend needed a new car. I told him about this benz in town for sale. By the time we got back from california from Jr's boot camp graduation. He had bought the benz in town.. OMG!!! i thought Doug was going to kill me!

Sorry for Jim, but thankfully for me. Jim keeps calling Doug with advice on how to fix the thing. I guess it is going to be a money suck and now Doug is glad we didn't get it! whew!

Stifler's - posted on 03/23/2011

15,141

154

597

Hahaha! NO BULL! My husband has this old Landcruiser and reckons he's going to fix it so we don't have to flog the 80 series around pine creek and has the engine in my dad's shed and all this, and I'm betting he will never do it. my dad and his cousin pete are both fitters and his uncle has a workshop and fixes old stuff to sell so it's not like he has no way to fix it he's just too lazy to get the ball rolling hahaha

Renae - posted on 03/23/2011

2,209

23

154

Emma, I should add that we own a mechanical workshop, a Pedders franchise to be specific, you will know what that is, the US ladies may not as it only went there recently. So there is absolutely no excuse for my husband. We have tools, machinery, hoists, mechanics etc - and a driveway full of cars that dont move!

Stifler's - posted on 03/22/2011

15,141

154

597

We have Holden Commodores (VN models) and a 1980s Landcruiser sitting in the paddock. The red one with mags got taken to the scrap yard bahahaha it's engine was okay but none of these cars are roadworthy and need more work doing to them than they're worth! They're in Bundaberg adn we live in Emerald so it'll be a while BAHAHAHHAA.

Renae - posted on 03/22/2011

2,209

23

154

Emma - people stop and offer to buy them all the time too. There is one guy who has been coming around for about 5 years. Apparently he is the president of the datsun car club and we have one of 3 1950 datsuns in original condition in the country and he really wants it. Husband is willing to give it to him (he will part with stuff only if the person will appreciate it as much as he does - he's a compulsive hoarder who will not get therapy - but that's another story) but there are 2 other dead cars with no wheels that would have to get moved out the way to get to it and husband is too lazy to move them. And hey - I wonder how long it will take your hubby to figure out they are gone! Ah that will be funny! lol :)

Barb - posted on 03/22/2011

3,372

15

198

Thanks Renae. I guess i should clarify, it wasn't just the yard, it was also the driveway. The statement was made clear when he came home from work and drove over his clothes. I'd had enough of him missing the laundry basket by 3 inches. i had tried asking nicely, i had tried not washing just his clothes, i had tried yelling. This was my "try getting all his dirty clothes out of the house and make a huge stink about it" (pun intended cuz it's funny) statement. and it worked!! Now, not only does he make the laundry basket, he helps with the laundry!

Things have waxed and waned over the years.. i've been a stay at home mom, i've worked 40 and 60 hr weeks while he's stayed home or worked out of the home, now we are both self employed working together from home and all the kids are gone. :(

But, he lets me know when things aren't going to fly with him too, like removing all my buttons off my radio in my car so i can only listen to Q95. Or "cleaning off my desk" by putting everything in a box and then dumping in the middle of the living room floor for me to sort TODAY because taxes need done NOW!

He's who taught me these tricks of consequences... bless his heart.

Stifler's - posted on 03/22/2011

15,141

154

597

Oh my GOD my husband has junk cars too. I'm like LET'S GET RID OF THIS OUT OF MY DAD'S PADDOCK. he's like yeah one day... I might need something out of one one day though...



I made my dad take them to the scrap yard last week and let him keep the money bahahahhaha. Damian still doesn't know.

Candi - posted on 03/22/2011

1,068

13

91

Ahh, heat isn't too bad. lol. I used to live in central TX. You just have to figure out the best times to go outside. Now I l ive in VA where the humidity will smother you, but its the same way, just figure out the best times to go out. Of course, growing up in SC, the humidity doesn't bother me too much.

Kate CP - posted on 03/22/2011

8,942

36

754

I wish I could enjoy yard work...but when it gets up to 109 F outside it's not enjoyable. :(

Candi - posted on 03/22/2011

1,068

13

91

wow. Nothing more to say. When my husband deployed the second time, I went out and bought a mower that I liked and used it every week. I had 3 children. I would wait until the baby was asleep and the older 2 would either listen in case the baby woke or they would follow me in the yard. We had half an acre. I loved mowing the lawn. I also dug up a ton of bamboo, planted flowers, took limbs out of trees, cut down smaller trees, etc. I love doing yardwork. Now that my husband isn't deployed, we both work in the yard gardening, mowing, pulling weeds, you name it. I couldn't imagine having a husband who refused to do yardwork. Its insane to me. Just going outside for fresh air and mowing grass allows you to be in your own little world for a while. lol. I'm glad its getting warmer so I can get out in the yard more. Heck we already have cucumbers and strawberries growing and our tulips are blooming and I have already weeded the front yard. Next time the grass needs to be cut, say "well the grass is growing. Who's gonna cut it, you or me?" and see what he says. He's doing a good job at making himslf look bad if thats what he cares about. Having an overgrown yard makes you look bad and lazy too. Does he ever think about that?

Renae - posted on 03/22/2011

2,209

23

154

Barb, wow, you impress me. If I had any of my husbands 5 cars (none of which go - none of which have moved or been touched for 5+ years - one he has had longer than me and we have lived together 11 years) we would end up divorced, he would be so hurt, betrayed and furious I dont think he would ever speak to me again. Dirty clothes in the yard he wouldn't care about, they would still be there 10 years later, I dont go in our yard so I certainly wouldn't be fetching them. Sledge hammer is a wonderful idea! Though I dont think we have a pellet gun. lol :)

Barb - posted on 03/22/2011

3,372

15

198

I've also been known to say: "I'm sorry honey, if i didn't have to pull your weight and mine, i might have more energy for sex. Maybe if i don't have to do so much tomorrow i'll have more energy for it. sleep tight, love ya"



Btw, these are all consequences... mowing the yard while he "feels bad" is a reward and won't change anything.

Yelling at him and doing something he expects won't change anything.



Dealing with an undesirable consequence will get his attention and making him want to deal with the chore rather than another undesirable consequence.

Stifler's - posted on 03/22/2011

15,141

154

597

My husband would probably do nothing if I let him. I've just yell and nag and lectured him into doing things over the last 3 years of living together.

Barb - posted on 03/22/2011

3,372

15

198

Do you mow the yard on a schedule? Say, every Saturday or Sunday? Could you set those days aside as no tv/game days between 9 am and 7pm? Then that is honey-do list time.. he can present a list of things he wants you to do, and you can present a list of things you want him to do.
If you both have "mow the yard" on your list, more physical chore is his because he has a penis, that's the gentleman's law. So he would get "mow the yard" and you would get to pick up the toys with the kids.

Amber - posted on 03/21/2011

1,909

13

144

Tell him that if he doesn't start doing it that you'll buy a ride on mower. We have property out in the country, so we have a ride on. And I actually like to mow the lawn because it's easy to just sit on it and drive in a circle. The only work is emptying the bagger a few times.

My guy always does the inside stuff if I'm doing the lawn. Plus, I'm not to be trusted with a hedger or weed whacker...I've determined that myself :) haha That's all his job.

We did hire a weekly lawn service this year because he's away with the Army and won't be home to help with the other things.

I guess I just don't understand men that don't do anything. I've never had to deal with it and just can't imagine it.

Renae - posted on 03/21/2011

2,209

23

154

@Kate - our council sent someone to mow our front, but they didn't charge us. Husband thought that was pretty cool, just leave it for 2 years and they do it for us cos the street looks bad!

Renae - posted on 03/21/2011

2,209

23

154

My husband never does anything. I have paid $700 three times to have our backyard cleared (cos he just lets it go until the weeds are taller than me) and it just turns to crap again even though he promises to maintain it once they clean it up. This time I hired the gardener to come monthly and keep it under control. I recently asked hubby if he could possibly manage doing one thing a month, like pressure clean down the patio could be one for this month and he agreed, as he always does, but it wont happen. I have already reminded him 3 times. I never used to pay people to do things he should be doing and is perfectly capable of, but since I'm not going to do it and 3 years later it still isn't done, I have started hiring people.

So I feel your pain.

The other day I said "if our 2 year old can put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket so can you" and my husband, deadly serious, replied "but he cant do it now he's asleep". WTF??? Maybe he didn't hear me properly. I replied with "PICK YOUR *&@!% DIRTY CLOTHES UP AND PUT THEM IN THE BASKET NOW!". People say if we didn't let them get away with it they would do more, but how does that work, how have I ever "let him get away with it", its not like if I leave the clothes there for 3 years he will eventually wash them they would just stay there until they grew legs and washed themselves. Argh, what can we do?

Stifler's - posted on 03/21/2011

15,141

154

597

I would be like YEAH I WONDER WHAT THE NEIGHBOURS THINK! That's outrageous. I've never mowed the lawn since i got pregnant with Logan and decided it was his job alone since he never does washing on his own accord or cooks unless it's bacon and eggs.

Pia - posted on 03/20/2011

406

26

53

Amazing how many of the posts on this forum are about men. Totally useless sometimes! I swear they think that work stops after they finish their jobs. Ah no, ya had kids, you have a house, take some DAMN responsibility and stop leaving everything up to us!!!
My partner only ever washes his clothes, I'm left to fold it though, as well as wash mine and the two kids clothes. Oh and cook, and shop, and clean and do EVERYTHING!!! I just go nuts at him now, I'm too tired to care if he gets offended. Bloody men.

Christy - posted on 03/20/2011

2,218

41

404

OMG! Why should he do it when you are? TELL HIM TO DO IT. If you have to turn off the video game midway, or TV, DO IT. And also, he is letting time slip away while his kids grow up and he watches TV and plays games. I have had to put my foot down over and over on this same topic with my husband (been married 15 yrs). AND since you hubby complains about you "making him look bad" complain away BEFORE doing anything about how HE needs to do it. UHG. MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iridescent - posted on 03/20/2011

4,519

272

1080

What a jerkwad. I'd have a little fun with the hedge clippers and cut the cable and game lines. I hope he does something to pull his weight!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms