Knowing your butthole from your elbow

Corinne - posted on 05/17/2012

Thanks guys. Sick to death of it all now.

Katherine - posted on 05/14/2012

((((Hugs)))) This too shall pass as they always say.

Dove - posted on 05/14/2012

I'm sorry. For what it's worth, I think you and your husband are the right thing here.

Corinne - posted on 05/14/2012

For the last 7yrs, I have listened to this woman belittle and berate me for no discernable reason and I have ignored it. I have plastered a smile on my face and welcomed her into my home, knowing that by the end of the day, I will be completely torn up inside. My husband had advised me, that she would try to cause an arguement and to let it slide, but I never thought she would stoop so low. She's told her side of the family that our children were accidents and that my husband was going to marry me as it was the right thing to do. She's told people that we're having marriage difficulties and that she thought we would soon split. When she realised that I was not going to rise to the bait, she started calling and texting my husband, saying 'nasty and personal' things about me. I still do not know what was said, as my husband will not tell me; but it was because of these comments and some lies she had told about me, that this wound up this way. Because my husband would not agree with her and say she was right, she spat the dummy out and said she never wanted anything to do with us. My husband has vowed that he will never speak t her again and that he doesn't want his children around her. He's even said, that if I were to iron things out with her, he still wouldn't want to know her.
Fortunately, they don't live close to us and they weren't for visiting very often. Our youngest doesn't even remember them. Also, his mother has a long track record. My husband doesn't know his father or any of his fathers family; his half sister has no contact with her fathers side of the family (her dad is still with their mum); she tried to have her sisters kid taken off her...... Every big feud has her at it's centre, which is one of the reasons why I can't understand them trying to patch this up. They know what she's done before, agree that it was wrong of her to do this, but they wan US to suck it up and apologise to her?! For what?
Sorry if I come across as a jerk today, but I've had enough of the whole thing and wish they would let us live in peace.....
Thanks for your reply Louise x

Louise - posted on 05/13/2012

Families! I think you have to isolate your family unit at times to protect them from squabbles. What ever has happend between your in laws and you should not really affect the child. It is after all not her fault. Is there no way that you could be civil to one another for her sake or has what she has done been so bad that you feel that there will never be a chance of reconciliation.

In years to come are you going to look back and think this was a load of shit that should not of happend. Think about the future, when the mother becomes sick, is your husband not going to see her then and regret what has happend in the past. Really this is a hopeless situation. If this was an aunt or a sibling this would not be as bad. You would cut them out of your life and say sod um and move on with your life. This is his mother and like it or not she raised him to what he is today. I dont know the facts about why you stopped communicating, but if it is in your power to lay down an olive branch of peace please do so, as this is going to affect you, your husband and child for years to come.

If what she has done is so terrible that there is no way back then you are going to have to deal with the fall out. As for your daughter bullies tend to pick on kids with low self esteem, get her into drama class after school or girl guides where they empower little ones to be assertive and confident. It is sad that in this day and age we have to teach our children to stand up for themselves, but in reality it is true. If she can turn the tables on the bullies verbally they will move onto the next victim, it is the way they work with girls, with boys a good punch on the nose seems to do the trick!

Once you have calmed down think about your future together and be the bigger woman. Your husband is sideing with you for now but how will he feel if she suddenly dies and this is not resolved. Who would he blame then?