Leaving CoMs * I'm Out.

Stephanie - posted on 05/07/2011

I tried to lock the thread but my admin options link isn't working. If anyone else can lock it, please do. We buried that horse and put flowers on her grave. : )

Katie- Thanks for your nice words, though. : )

Jodi - posted on 05/06/2011

Katie, it's all over and kissed and made up, seriously it is.....

Katie - posted on 05/06/2011

Woah..what did I just stumble upon...Awkward online drama - yikes!

I understand feelings are real and present here, but when it gets this serious over online community blogs, it probably is a good idea for EVERYONE involved to take a deep breath, take a step back, and and take a break from COM to get back to realty. At this point, it's obviously gotten a little out of control and the whole point of COM is to log in occasionally while baby is sleeping or you have a break at work to check in with the rest of the moms out there, ask questions, and help each other out.

Just some food for thought. No disrespect intended!

Peace.

Nicole - posted on 05/04/2011

Okay, I'm just replying to add another whack to the dead horse. Couldn't help myself. Mwahahahahaha!

Stephanie, I don't know much about you or your comments, because I, myself, took about 3 months off of CoM. I've done it several times before. Either I notice myself getting worked up by stuff I can usually handle or I notice it is taking way too much time from my family, I know that it's time to take a break. I can't FULLY retreat because I am a moderator in 2 communities, but I just moderate where it's needed and don't actively participate in most conversations. Then, when I come back, I can usually read through things that would have pissed me off before my break and laugh instead. (Just to be clear, my last break wasn't due to anything anyone on CoM did, it was because we had just purchased a new home where my husband was transferred for work and I was too busy to do much on CoM or facebook for that matter.)

I hope that you can get some peace and stick around. ;o)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/04/2011

Jodi, I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. We need to find a great debate for you on DM so you can lash out at the topic! That might help ;) But for reals, I hope things get easier.

Mabel - posted on 05/03/2011

((hugs))Jodi =)

Jodi - posted on 05/03/2011

You didn't hurt my feelings Marina, seriously. I'm all good. To be quite honest, I will admit to being very edgy right now because I am experiencing some stressful difficulties with my son's father moving interstate and my son's feelings about that. I am a little over emotional about everything because I'm just feeling particularly angry at his dad about how and why this came about and how this is affecting his only child. I probably HAVE been taking it out on others a bit, and for that, I am truly very sorry to each and every person I have crapped off the last couple of weeks.....



I think I'll just stay away from any heated issues for a while until I can get this thing sorted out :)



Hugs to all of you. Honestly, I'm not a bad person, I'm a good person with some very difficult things to sort out. I think I might buy a punching bag and hook it up in my garage :D

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/03/2011

Lol Mel. Big shocker huh?

Jodi, I understand. But my comment was not ment yo hurt feelings, it was to help make feel better.

Mel - posted on 05/03/2011

not you Marina! No way :)

Jodi - posted on 05/03/2011

Well, I guess I am just sick to death of having my apology thrown back in my face. Stephanie was not the only person hurt by this.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/03/2011

Jodi, calm down. When things like this happen, people often can feel alienated. I wasn't directing anything towards anyone. Stephanie is my friend, and I was simply trying to console my friend, by letting her know I have been in her shoes.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/03/2011

Stephanie, first of all.....SOOOOOOOOOO jealous you were in Kurt Cobain's home......that is pretty cool. Huge original fan of his.

Erin is absolutely right.......there have been so many knock down drag out fights on DM that I am sure many people wanted to leave over. That community is hardcore, and so many things can be misunderstood.

Mel, I am hoping I am not one of the people that made you feel like crap about your dog. I was just trying to give you some good info on the breed.

Steph, I have been on the side you are in now....the opposing side. I am so glad to see you have support. It is really hard to go it alone.....but I am like the little engine that could...so are you. If you need a break, go for it. But I want to see your ass back! Get a hold of me on facebook. Last name is Gallegos. Same picture as in here.

Jodi - posted on 05/02/2011

Sorry, I was just responding to your post and letting you know it doesn't matter.

Stephanie - posted on 05/02/2011

For God's sake Jodi, please just stop. Let it die.

Jodi - posted on 05/02/2011

So...my apology doesn't really count, but you accept it anyway?

I'll be honest Stephanie. I fail to see how the above post quoting my apology to you was wacking you with an ax. That was my original apology. You were the one who then continued the argument and insulted me. So yeah, I did feel a little like my GENUINE apology was thrown back in my face. You don't think that hurts too?

I HAVE moved on. I don't really CARE whether you accept my apology or not now. There are also only so many times a person can try to say they are sorry before they don't bother trying again.

Stephanie - posted on 05/02/2011

Jodi- My posts have all been in self defense of your attack. I walked away from the other thread yet you followed to this one to continue this nonsense. When someone is wacking you with an ax but saying 'I'm sorry' with each blow, does it really count? Can you really take it seriously? Regardless, I do accept your apology and wish you the best. I just want this to be over and move on from it.



To everyone else-

Thank you for all the messages of love and support. You are all rock stars and I'm happy to call you my friends. ♥



I took my kids to a b-day party today at what was once Kurt Cobain (of Nirvana) and Courtney Love's home....the home where Kurt died. It was a beautiful princess themed party but all I could think about was the history of the property...how this tortured soul died, how his child was left fatherless. I guess my point is that when we feel like whatever issue we're faced with at the moment is so big, when we look at a situation that is beyond repair and the heart break is a permanent factor in their lives we realize how silly and petty our problem is...especially if it's a 'virtual' problem. This whole thing is so stupid. I have sobbed over this argument...but why? It hurt me, that's all I can say. It's time to let it go and move on.

Erin - posted on 05/01/2011

Jesus Christ. I'm not going to address the deleted thread issue. I have spoken privately to Stephanie about that since yesterday. I will elaborate on what Krista said though.

I have been modding on DM for two years. We have had some HUGE blow-outs during that time. We've had our names dragged across different groups, accusations thrown at us, and blatant lies told. For the most part, DM is pretty cruisy. When it gets nasty, it blows. We stick it out because we are original members (well, except for Tara) and have helped Sarah grow that community from 16 to almost 2000. We want it to be a good place for people who enjoy intelligent discussion.

It's hard not to take it personally when DM gets slammed, especially when it is complete bullshit (which it often is). For that reason, I reacted to Stephanie's comment yesterday, because I saw it as a swipe at our moderating decision. Been there, done that, didn't want to go there again.

Anyway, Stephanie, if you feel the need to take a break then you should do it. But it really will all blow over. This is MILD compared to some of the knock-down, drag-out shit fights we've seen on here over the years!

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2011

My apology:



"You - posted 1 day ago

Stephanie, I actually had nothing to do with any DM Mod decision at all. i just understand why they deleted it. Had it been posted on the Welcome Page, we would have made the same decision to delete it there. That's all. You haven't offended me at all, I just found your post toward the DM Mod who messaged you to be unnecessary. And knowing that THAT thread was also deleted, I saw your post above as yet another dig at the DM Mods, and a dig about the thread deleted from this community. And I saw it as you carrying the issue on and saw it as again, unnecessary. If that was not your intention, I apologise."



See, no ifs, no buts, just a simple apology and a small explanation on why I had initially interpreted your post the way I did. I believe two posts later you attacked me.



But whatever. I AM sorry, but obviously you have in mind a particular form of apology you see as acceptable, and this wasn't it.

Sneaky - posted on 05/01/2011

I love you Kate! All night I was trying to sleep with the image of a horse skeleton getting hit with a baseball bat :o).

Just to clarify - I do get that the COM mods have a HUGE responsibility, you get the joy of dealing with trolls, and trying to referee a million women (WHAT were you thinking?lol). I also understand that you cop flack for that, you get the people angry at your decisions who send you mean PM's and start threads bagging you out. I get that you are human and those things hurt - just because you are a mod does not make you 'bullet proof' from hurtful comments.

What worries me in this case was that Stephanie made one attempt at humor about an 'incident' that apparently no one else but me found funny, and she got bagged for it. I thought the issue was dead and buried, Stephanie was going to point the grave out to Katherine, and suddenly the corpse is getting dragged out again. It just seemed like such an over reaction! If everyone had read Stephanie's post the way I did, or just rolled their eyes at it and moved on the issue would still be dead and buried. I don't think anyone can blame Stephanie for this being blown out of proportion.

And Krista - I do understand your vent (see above) but I never said that you and the other mods were 'mean girls'. I've never ever even though that. I think that you are all human, and can make mistakes like the next person.
"It's because there no, asking about Katherine in public was not frowned upon in COMS. At all. "
And we all KNOW that - which is why it had an lol after it and was suppose to be a joke.

Look, I can't say this enough - I get that you guys are over worked and have to put up with shit that the rest of us never see. But why take that out on the rest of us? Stephanie was truly not making a dig at anyone, she was making a joke. I'm really worried that you guys have taken it so personally and blown it out of proportion. If you are this upset by a comment made in friendly jest, how upset do you guys get when you are really attacked? This much stress can't be good for you. This is suppose to be fun, helpful and supportive, not stressful.

Krista I would also like to respond to your 'support' rant. Of course I don't want a bunch of people to 'yes' me - that is not what 'support' is. There is a huge difference between a 'friend' telling you that there might be a better way for you to do things and being told that you are a bitch. Sure feeling get hurt (mine have been on occasion) but the point is that we are not trying to hurt each others feelings. At least we are not suppose to be IMO.

Last note: Thank you Elizabeth for sticking that large target on your head. I needed a laugh.

Mabel - posted on 05/01/2011

I have read through all the comments on this issue and I want everyone to know that I started a thread asking about Katherine and if anyone had heard how she was doing.Now that she is back I believed it is in the best interest of both parties to shame hands and agree to disagree.I don't think there is any reason to keep going over this. Stephanie feels like she did nothing wrong I didn't see anything to show she did and as for the mods I feel like it was a decision in the best interest of the privacy of an Admin.They might not have known that Katherine had spoken to a few of us about the issue and so they felt like they were doing the right thing for her.Both sides has beaten the horse to death.Now I don't want St4ephanie to leave either and she does have the right to vent about this just like we do in MWNTV,thats what the forum is for so please come to an understanding and learn from this one.

Iris - posted on 05/01/2011

Ok, thank you for clarifying.

Anyway, posts often get misunderstood on COM. We all go through it. Stay and things will get better.... I hope :)

Lacye - posted on 05/01/2011

I know this is a place to vent about things but geese louise! Just let it all go. It's not that important enough to upset everybody over nothing. From what I've seen, it's just an argument. Ladies just let it go.

Gina - posted on 05/01/2011

shit why hasn't this thread been locked and deleted. For god sake girls build a bridge.

Stephanie - posted on 05/01/2011

Iris- As you know since I said this directly to you, my initial reaction was that I was offended by saying that I was putting her personal information out there but then after you sent me a 2nd message I relaxed and understood. I realized that the words weren't meant the way I initially took it. I completely understand your point and why you needed to delete the thread. I have no problem with that or the things that were said in the message. The messages that were hurtful were from another member and has nothing to do with what was said between us.

Iris - posted on 05/01/2011

Stephanie, one question.
By saying hurtful pm, are you talking about the ones I sent to you when I deleted your thread?
I know I got shit on this community for my pms to you and in no way did I mean for them to be taken as rude/mean/disrespectful.

Kate CP - posted on 05/01/2011

Could we maybe stop kicking this dead horse?

Mel - posted on 05/01/2011

yeah maybe just a break Stephanie. A little break :) Jodi is awesome she means well. Cant say that for everyone on here but alot are brilliant :) IF you go I wanna see you back. We can always chat on facebook, but I still wanna see you around here :)

Stephanie - posted on 05/01/2011

@Elizabeth- Hun, I'm just going to laugh at that one....especially after seeing that you've made 472 posts on here! :D



@Laura- I get it, I really do. I fully understand that. That wasn't what I was upset about. It was the messages I received after.



@Katherine- Thank you. : ) You have nothing to be ashamed of. It could happen to anyone. And you're awesome for standing up to it and conquering it.



*Edit to add*

Katherine - posted on 05/01/2011

It really is ok. I mean if I was ashamed and embarrassed I'd be pissed. I'm really not though. It was a prescription and I simply got addicted. I HAD to get off of it. It's no biggie. Really.

Isobel - posted on 05/01/2011

I saw the thread, and the direction that concerned some people was that we were worried that talking about personal issues on a public thread wasn't appropriate. Of course many of us were concerned and wishing the best for her...but without knowing what was going on, or what kind of head space she was in, we didn't want her to be embarrassed when she came back...that's all.

Nobody meant that YOU sent it in the wrong direction, just that a public forum probably wasn't the place for that kind of discussion.

...and my relationships are great, but thank you for the concern.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/01/2011

As an outsider looking in..you all are way to wrapped up in what's going on in the cyber world...holly crap..if you spent more time and energy with your families you would have better relationships.

Good luck to all.

Bonnie - posted on 05/01/2011

Stephanie, I hope you really don't go! Maybe just take a break for a bit. Sometimes that does wonders and it has for many on here.

You make me laugh a lot of the time and who will give me more great smoothie recipes?! :D

Stephanie - posted on 05/01/2011

Laura- The thread I made didn't go in any direction....I believe there was one post before it was deleted. Just saying to clarify.

Isobel - posted on 05/01/2011

But how and why a thread gets started and by who means less than what is eventually said IN it.

YOU may have made a little joke, but then it was followed by DIGS from Mel etc.

THEN people got their panties in a twist and...as usual...it all got blown out of proportion.

YOU may have asked an innocent question but the thread was erased because it went in a direction that wasn't appropriate.

Everybody needs to chill...it's pretty obvious that it was a misunderstanding that got out of control.

Stephanie - posted on 05/01/2011

Wow, I have alot of responding to do! Ok...here goes:

First off I want to say thank you to my friends that have been so supportive and nice. It really does mean alot to me and I love you guys.

@Jodi- If your apology is sincere I do accept it whole heartedly. But what made me hesitant to believe it was sincere is that every apology was followed by or included something derogatory.
"I apologise if I misunderstood your intentions in this thread. Take that as you wish. You did last time I tried to apologise too."
" I am not throwing myself down and begging. Take it or leave it."

@Krista- I've already said this many times but I'll say it again in hopes that I've made myself clear and the same inaccuracies will stop being repeated.
1) I WAS NOT discussing Katherine's personal issues in public. I simply asked if anyone had heard from her. PERIOD. And if anyone is worried about the admin knowing about Katherine's absense it's all written on her own threads in DM. She openly discussed it with us. If you want to keep it from the admin those posts are a better place to start than accusing me of 'outing' her by simply asking if anyone had heard from her.
2) On Katherine's 'Im back' thread, I did not take a 'dig' at the mods. I was playing and making light of the situation just like Tracey said (thanks by the way Tracey) and never meant for it to be offensive in any way. That comment is being blown so far out of proportion and Ive said 20 times now that it wasn't meant like that. It was completely innocent and if it wasn't I'd be the first to admit it. If I'm being mean I'll say yes I'm being mean. I don't make cracks at people and then pretend I didn't. That's not what this was. I am not like that. I wasn't misrepresenting anything.
3) I never accused the mods of being the mean girls or said anything at all about the dm mods as a whole. Again I will say as Ive said at least 20 times now...I was not upset that the thread was deleted. That's the mods call and I respect that and understood where they were coming from. What I was upset by was what was said to me in several messages about it. It was hurtful and unfair.
You are arguing something that isn't even the truth and judging a situation that you don't have the whole story on. If you're going to argue this please at least get the facts straight before you make judgement. This was not about the thread being deleted or me not understanding the mods angle on this. I understood completely. But what I don't understand and what wasn't ok is what followed.
The way you are representing me in what you're saying is so far off base.

Krista - posted on 05/01/2011

I truly can NOT see what would be offensive or upsetting about saying:
"I'm so glad you're back! We've missed you! Now I can stay out of trouble....as apparently asking about you in public is frowned upon in Coms lol. I'll pm you about that one. : )".

Sigh.

It's because there no, asking about Katherine in public was not frowned upon in COMS. At all.

But some people (rightly) felt that it was inappropriate to be discussing some very personal business of Katherine's while she wasn't here. Especially considering the fact that Katherine is admin of several communities, and many people did not want COM Admin to see Katherine's absence (and the reason behind it) as a reason to strip her of her communities. That is why these people (and I agree with them), discouraged threads in public communities that talked about Katherine's absence and the reason behind it.

So Stephanie's dig about not being allowed to ask about her in COMs was irritating because the rationale behind those threads being deleted had already been thoroughly explained to her, and she was misrepresenting the situation and making some people out to look like a bunch of bullies.

And Mel, the reason we were giving you a hard time about that dog was because you often talk about how busy and stressed and overwhelmed you are, and then in the next breath, you get a Staffie/Dalmatian x Jack Russell Terrier puppy. So yeah, we were giving you a hard time, mostly because many of us know that JRTs and Dalmatians are too energetic to be good with small children, and also because we couldn't understand why you'd put something like that on your plate, when you already have so much to handle. And it was frustrating as hell, because you were getting advice from some people who are VERY knowledgeable about dogs, but refused to even consider what they were saying, because you already had your mind made up.

I guess I'm just REALLY fucking tired of me and my friends being accused of being the "mean girls" of COM, when more often than not, we're just trying to be helpful. And sometimes being helpful means disagreeing with someone, or telling them something that they don't necessarily want to hear. Sure, we could turn COM into a place where everybody is always supportive, but is that what we really want? To be a bunch of mindless yes-women, always agreeing with each other and always supporting every other mother on here, no matter how wrong-headed she is currently being?

Friends support each other, yes. But friends also tell each other if they're doing something misguided. If I was doing something with my son that was idiotic, I would hope that my friends would point it out to me and let me know. I want friends, not sycophants. And if that means that sometimes my fee-fees get hurt, then so be it.

There, that's my vent for today.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2011

And that would be why I apologised...again.

Lissa - posted on 05/01/2011

OK I'm sure someone will be offended by this but here goes anyway. Everyone here is a grown up and simply put you didn't all agree on what was appropriate, it obviously caused a lot of friction. Can you not just agree that it all blew out of proportion and move on.

I'm fairly objective here since I haven't been a member long and don't know you as you all seem to know each other.

Sneaky - posted on 05/01/2011

She hasn't deactivated her account yet - I have hope :o)

Katherine - posted on 05/01/2011

Stephanie, don't you dare leave!!!

Mel - posted on 05/01/2011

Tracey - Its nice to see you all supporting Stephanie. She needed to vent that you are right. I vent things when I am angry about something that has gone on. Its hard when your ganged up on. Although it is very nice to see Jodi apologising, I understand she is standing her ground that is her right, but it is really nice to see her apology and I do think alot of what has been said has been taken out of context or too far. I think Jodi is dealing with this remarkably well. But I do thnk Stephanies been hurt beyond words and had I been in her stuation I would have vented to. Its a hard sitaution

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2011

**sigh**
Whatever. Go for it.

Sneaky - posted on 05/01/2011

I'm going to try really hard to not insult anyone but I truly can NOT see what would be offensive or upsetting about saying:
"I'm so glad you're back! We've missed you! Now I can stay out of trouble....as apparently asking about you in public is frowned upon in Coms lol. I'll pm you about that one. : )".

Wanting to send a PM, to tell a friend about how you got 'spanked on the wrist' while she was away and laughing about it. Because you are happy your friend is back and because you can look back on the whole 'deleted threads/PM's from mods' situation as funny.

Basically I think Stephanie had a very healthy reaction to the situation - it's always better to laugh than cry. Yet for some reason there was more than one person telling Stephanie that she was in the wrong for bringing it up???? A situation that hurt her feelings and she is trying to put a positive light on it so she can move on and she gets dragged kicking and screaming under a bus??? I've never been as disappointed as I am right now. I'm not only losing a friend but I'm not even sure I want to be here anymore. Apparently if I bring up a subject that other people find upsetting, even if I do NOT even give any information about what happened but just say "LOL, I'll PM you about it :o)", I'm opening myself for abuse. Great. I thought we were suppose to be here for support and friendship not to tear each other apart.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2011

Stephanie, I have tried to apologise......I am just asking you to also see another perspective of why perhaps some people didn't find it amusing......but I am sorry that I misunderstood your intention, and since you have explained, I can see that perhaps I did. I have said it 3 times now. I am not throwing myself down and begging. Take it or leave it.

Mel - posted on 05/01/2011

aww no dont leave, you once said you'd sort out the mean girls for me, Ill sort thme out for u =) I Love you Stephanie. DOnt let this make you leave. I nearly left a few times too in my time here. I had people gang up on me recently in a thread about my dog how it is dangerous when it is not, I felt probably not as bad as you are now, but i was on the way there I had to sit back and say who I am going to listen to and care about the opinions of, some people on the internet who dislike me and are in a diffeent country or people who care for me and my babies over here. I got over it. I lcked the thread and moved on. It will take a bit of time but youll get past this. I know ya will. Really. Ive told you whats been said about me and my baby with her tube feeding it cut. It takes time but you recover and realise they are wrong :)

Katherine - posted on 05/01/2011

What the hell did I miss??!!!

Sneaky - posted on 05/01/2011

And I wish you would not leave - but that is about my feelings not yours, you have to do what feels right for you.

I understand why you feel the way you do (I'd feel the same way) I'm just going to miss my friend on COM. It's harder to 'talk' on facebook!

Stephanie - posted on 05/01/2011

Awww thank you. That makes me feel good. ♥

Sneaky - posted on 05/01/2011

Miss you already :o(