Money, hubby and how to spend it

Angela - posted on 07/25/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have been holding this in for a while and I just need to vent.

I have to give some background so this maybe a little long....sorry. When I first moved in with my husband, I left my home, country, friends, career and some family. I had never seen his house...so when I arrived I was shocked. It looked like some kind of student house, their was not door knobs, light fixtures, old paket wood floor that was coming up and cracked... old paint, no curtains or anytihng and the furniture was stuff he made like the tv stand he made out of old scrap wood...

Now mind you my husband is 43, professional makes good money but you looked at the house and would think much differently. He did redo all the plumbing and electricity and well you can't see that and oh he did put in a nice new bathroom.

However the house needs work and I said either we finish it or we move because I can' t take it. After two years of him deciding to move or not we choose to stay.

We have some extra money and he has vaction time coming up.... he wants to go on vacation and I want to stay home and finish doing some things in the house, IE paint and a few other projects.

He states he needs a vacation and I feel the house should be a priority and I don't want to go on vacation! I want him to take the time off and put into the home.

Next year we are doing a huge remodel and taking out a new mortage to do so, So the deal was we use our money we got for all the little projects and do it this year before the big remodel.... so far not much is getting done because yeah he works and only has the weekends...

What do you all think? Am I being unreasonable???? I have been here for 5 years now and I feel really frustrated.

Want to add he has been her over 10 years.... so he never made it a priority but more like his little fun project!

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I don't do unfinished/never begun projects. John is the same way, he couldn't care less how our home looks, as long as it functions, but I do--and I've been able to convince him that a well decorated home functions better because there is a place for everything.

John also likes to go cheap and do it himself, I think all men do. When I decide something I cannot do myself needs to be done, I usually give him about a month to get it done. If he doesn't finish by the deadline, I hire in a pro. This way, the decision on whether to spend $$ on a pro or not is completely in his hands. My husband has evenings and weekends off and I am a sahm, so he doesn't have chores or anything, thus, he has lots of time for projects if he wants to do them. If he chooses to spend his evenings doing other things, he knows I'll call a pro, but I always make sure he has a month to do it first.

Stifler's - posted on 07/25/2011

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He sounds like a typical man. I know millionaires who couldn't give a shit about how their house looks. Because their wives died and no one makes them lol. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all especially if you're uncomfortable in your own home!

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Angela - posted on 08/08/2011

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Too bad we are not neighbors then they could share music and projects hee hee hee! Well I know the list will overwhelm him at first but I also decided I will give one day a week to do stuff I can do. I already keep up with all the gardening but I can paint. I even mow the yard grant it they are not so big. Also I love to garden and so does my Claire. We don't have much more to go on the painting so I can finish this in a day or two. I can let him know what I can and can't help with one day a week. But the other stuff I simply can't do. I live in The Netherlands and the houses are made of cement, cement wall etc. I am use to working with dry wall etc. So i could do stuff back in the states easy but not here. Everything is different. But for his vacation I plan to tell him lets get his Mom to watch Claire and I will help all I can.
If I did not have list I would run around like a chicken with my head cut off. I have to have them! I love them next to zip lock bags hee hee hee
I am the list maker, I could not live with out my to do list and yes it does feel good to cross it off! I just like to plan things out otherwise it is so easy to get side tracked or over whelmed. Also I want him to decide what he wants to do first. etc.

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Wow! They do sound just alike! John could literally spend days on end playing with his gadgets and downloading music. In fact, more often than not, it is those things that eat up his project doing time.

I love the list idea--I have to use lists to manage my ADD, and I LOVE them. I can only give John one job at a time or he gets overwhelmed. I like your idea of giving him the whole list and letting him decide what to do on it. As he does the projects, he can cross them off. Crossing stuff off of a list has been proven to make our bodies release chemicals that give us confidence to accomplish more!

Angela - posted on 08/08/2011

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@Kelly actually that is a fantastic idea! Your husband sounds just like mine. He complains of lack of time however and like you I am a SAHM. He does not have to deal with chores, kids or decor just finish the projects.
His priorities get a little off too, for example last weekend he spent it downloading music for his new Music, media gadget for the house that he spent this weekend putting together. He also spent many of nights on our media player downloading music and movies.....urgh...
Any who I love that idea because number 1, it gives him a choice and time.
As of late I have decided to make a list of priorities and see what he thinks of the list and priorities. He is very detailed orientated so I think this will help him. He has so much going on he can't see the big picture. In the end I gave him until next Spring to finish because the pros are coming to knock down walls, make a new kitchen and bedroom and new garage. We are also getting new windows for the place. So he can't do it then. My goal was to have all the little stuff done before the big stuff starts.
So breaking down with a list and giving a time limit month to month sounds good I think or will I overwhelm him LOL

Angela - posted on 08/07/2011

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I agree with you too Katherine and I am going to tell him that :) He wanted to go in October and I got time but I am going to tell him.

The problem is he does not get comfort, he does not mind how a house looks per say. He is not aesthetic in the least and well it is has been hard trying to explain it to him.

Katherine - posted on 08/07/2011

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I think that your house should come first. If I had the money to remodel my house or go on vacation, I would choose the house. You LIVE there 24/7 it should be a place of comfort.

Tell him maybe next year, but that is' really important to you to do those projects.

Angela - posted on 08/06/2011

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@Heather, I know how to do a lot with American do it yourself but not with European cement houses, they are really different or I would do it! I done a lot already that I can do I was painting walls and did my daughter's entire room while pregnant. But I can suggest he go it alone and I hire some help, he won't go for it I am sure. But maybe he will get the point, I have yet to talk about it ....

Heather - posted on 08/06/2011

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then if he wants a vacation tell him he's going alone, or if you trust him with your daughter then send her with him as well, that way you can focus on getting work done. yes if you have to hire help but if you have friends that can help you out that'd be the way to go. you can offer them 20 dollars for their services or whatever. The main thing is the house, it's not fair for you to be stuck there the way that it is and nothing getting done. Buy the "Do it yourself" books, my mom did she's handed them down to me and I've learned so much, I'm my own handyman, i can now use the skilsaw, measuring tape, hammers and nails, whatever a guy can do, we can learn how to do it as well. Just keep up with what your doing and it will slowly come together, GL

Angela - posted on 07/29/2011

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The floors done but not the edging.... he has the parts still in our guest room! I got curtains etc and I did all the things you said start with little things etc. I know we could have it finished if he took his vacation time and went to work on it. I have been nagging him for years... and I did get some progress things are much better but really it is just a matter of doing it! I told him hire some help and he did cheap help and they sucked so he had to redo some things! He has a problem with spending money, wants to do it cheap and all by himself and to be honest it is too much to do alone and thus why he took so long... It is an ongoing argument! I am over having my house half way done! Also if we dont finish this little stuff we can't start the kitchen remodel next year and trust me we need a new kitchen.... So he did agree to do it but then he has done little....now he wants a vacation and I am really at a point where I want to say you know if you need it that bad fine go but I will stay home and hire some help to finish the house...it will be an arugment and I am really not looking forward to the conversation. However if I agree to the so called vacation, In a camper van where I will have to cook and Clean and take care of Clarie....ha ha ha some vacation I will resent the heck out of it!

Heather - posted on 07/28/2011

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personally i would tell him when he has the time, start working on the house, i mean is the floor still bad, if it is that should be priority number 1, then the lighting, walls, etc. and if he doesn't come around send him an ultimatum no beer/or sex until he starts getting stuff done, usually that works if not find someone you know that could help out with the little things. i mean what else have you got to lose,nothing. GL

Angela - posted on 07/25/2011

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Thanks Emma that is exactly how I feel, i need to be comfortable! He has done a lot since i moved in, we do have door knobs now but missing a few light fixtures to date. Our back and front yards look nice and not like a jungle anymore! All however because of me, and I hate to nag but sometimes it is the only way... MEN! I simply can't do some of the stuff. When our Claire was born i made him do a lot because the home had to be safe for her...

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