Neighbor Kid, am I wrong?

Christy - posted on 05/18/2011 ( 30 moms have responded )

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So there's a kid (boy) close to my son's age living next door. His mom and dad work weird hours (2nd and 3rd shift) so their relatives watch him. He plays outdoors in the street most of the day when he gets out of school (at 11-Pre K). Fine. Whatever. It's safe here where we live . BUT.....he's constantly over here which I don't mind for the most part until my kids need to take a nap (they are 2-daughter and 3-son and still nap about 2pm until 4pm). I escort him to his house and knock on the front door, and door from the open garage going into the house each time. BOTH DOORS ARE LOCKED as the little boy tries to open it up and I have tried as well (gently). No one answers until I knock and ring the doorbell which seems like endlessly! Relative (lady) and/or relative's boyfriend answers the door. Tell them this kid (not to mention names) needs to come home since my kids are going to take a nap. Either of them tells me "Oh, it's OK. He can play outside still" (he's asking to use the potty and doesn't want to at my house). They shut the door and I can hear them LOCK it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so bad leaving him to fend on his own!

I don't want to stir up shit since they live right next door. Again mom and dad work different hours from the normal 8-5 one. I am not sure how to approach this with the parents without making anyone mad. Any advice?

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Barb - posted on 05/19/2011

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Oh man, poor kid.

It is always hard to talk to parents about their child. I mean, hell, look around here at some of the threads and any slight miswording will be twisted and turned into "you called my child stupid!" "you said i'm a bad mom!" blah blah blah

So confronting the parents about their relatives NOT watching the child is going to be a sensitive topic that should be approached with care.

Perhaps taking the "i need your help with something" approach. Including them in a partnership or putting yourself in the, need help category will diffuse the confrontation factor.

Do NOT go in with "i have to tell you what your family did to your child today!!" That is abrupt and probably won't end well.

What is your goal? Is it to be able to put your kids down for naptime? or is it to try to make them take responsibility?

Just remember, you can only control you. So ask for her help in what should you do with her child when you need to put your kids down for a nap since the people that are in her house won't let him?

Remember to stay calm and i agree with the others that ask what would like to have done if this was your child. I'd want my neighbor to come to me, not call the cops or cps.

Best of luck to you.

Kate CP - posted on 05/18/2011

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That's not watching the kid...that's locking him outside to fend for himself. Pretty sure that's illegal. Call the cops.

Erin - posted on 05/18/2011

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Don't try and speak to the babysitter. I would go straight to the parents. They may have no idea this is happening. If they do, and are ok with that, I would seriously consider reporting them. That is just not ok.

Andrea - posted on 05/21/2011

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I'm sorry I know you live right next door and that you don't want to start something that could impact on your family, but seriously, this kid is FOUR, at that age he should't be left alone period let alone be left LOCKED OUT of his own house for hours on end with no one looking out for him. I get that parents can be tired but HE'LL NO that is not acceptable!

While I was pregnant with my daughter during the first trimester I was so exhausted that I was barely functioning. But my son was NEVER left outside without me, if I needed a nap I would snooze on the couch while he watched a video next to me, and I felt horribly guilty about that.

If CPS is as ruthless as you say they are then GOOD! If the parents are doing the wrong thing then this will give them a kick up the ass!

Anything could happen to that poor baby while he is locked out of his house, bitten by a snake, scorpion, kidnapped, lured in by an abuser, or god forbid worse! They aren't thinking about him they are only thinking about themselves.

If the mom is trying to do the right thing then it's sad for her that she has been let down, but the fathers actions and attitude are unconscionable. And no matter how safe you feel, there are creeps and cretins everywhere, they are just better hidden in some places. Your kids have you to protect him, who does this little guy have?

Sneaky - posted on 05/18/2011

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I wouldn't talk to the parents at all, I would report it to the local child protective services.

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Brie - posted on 06/16/2011

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well thats good but you should have said something about the BF also.. she obviously thinks she can trust him.. said to say but he sounds like a lot of guys... (not saying all guys are like this) but that really needs to come to her attention too!!

Christy - posted on 06/16/2011

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I talked to the mom yesterday at the neighborhood pool about it. She was very apologetic and advised me the "family member" that was watching him is no longer doing so. I found out his dad (the guy that woke up when I brought the boy over there) is her BF, NOT the boy's Dad as I originally thought. I didn't mention that part to her since he was there at the pool right next to her. When the boy is outside, there is a young girl (17ish-20 not sure) watching like a hawk and talks to me all the time. I am glad it is working out now and I pray it doesn't revert back!!!!!!!!!!

Brie - posted on 06/12/2011

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well personally the dad is a piece of shit.. but i have seen cps swoop in and just take the child all over a lie... so that is where i am coming from... and the lie wasn't even that bad.. i have seen cps intervene over seriously stupid shit!! so yeah it can happen like that.. but i think that the mom should be notified first so she knows whats going on before causing something like that to happen and further scarring the child for life over something that could have been stopped or prevented!

Erin - posted on 06/11/2011

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Right cause they will swoop in and take the kid away from the mom....Just like that. Yeah that's how it works...You're over-thinking this in favor of protecting the parents. The adults who can care for themselves...OK so you validate leaving the child outside. Again it's simple child is locked out police are called. Not saying you call the police and say any judgement on the parents etc. Hello police there is a 4 year old child who is alone outside locked out from his house...then let the police handle it. The child's safety and health is the MOST important thing here. Get real. You would probably go out of your way for an animal in distress but for this poor boy you are more worried about the adults. He's four ! He's the one you should be worried about. He's the one that need protecting. IF I hired an in home babysitter and they did that to my son. I would WANT my neighbor to call the police. I would get those people so far out of my sons life and press charges if possible having the solid record with the police that my babysitter or family member had locked my 4 yr old out of the house would be fine FINE with me. Do you think this mom will show up and say yeah well I knew they were doing that or that the cops will just assume she knew and snatch the kid? That's not how it works CPS first interest is in keeping the family together not just taking kids.. They want things to work out they set up counseling they intervene when necessary. This whole thing makes me sad for this little boy I wish I had some say for real in this I feel terrible that this is happening to him and hope it is corrected before it ends badly for him or scars him for life.

Brie - posted on 06/11/2011

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thats good erin so that way when cps gets involved and mom knows nothing of what is happening she potentially gets her son taken away through no fault of her own?? yeah that can happen... if the mom truly knows nothing of what is going on how could you say she needs her child taken from her? she leaves them with adults, including the childs father, whom she may feel she can trust!

Erin - posted on 06/11/2011

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I wish there was a more recent post here.... I agree with Stephanie and every one else who said to call the cops or report to cps.... WHO CARES what ADULT is put out or embarrassed or whether you have an uncomfortable relationship with your neighbors...you already do btw. This is a 4 year old child the idea of my son being just left outside "safe" neighborhood or not makes me cry. Just cause you are helping to babysit so to speak doesn't make it ok. SO the day they locked the door on you what would happen if you had to leave too. You going to drive away knowing that poor child is outside neglected? This kid could get kidnapped, have an allergic reaction...with no one paying attention to him he could die... any number of horrible things can happen and likely already are behind the front door. I can't believe you are asking this here and didn't just call the cops immediately.... Seriously the one fact is a 4 yr old was locked out of his house doesn't matter by whom.... police get called plain and simple. You are enabling the neglect this child is enduring if you do any less.... sorry if I sound angry with you. I am. I wouldn't even leave my dog outside all day! These answers to talk to the mom first... give the parents a chance...they are all pollyanna cop outs.... AGAIN bottom line. A four year old child is locked out of his house regardless of the reason you call the police every and anytime that happens to any child that young...

[deleted account]

I was just like this boy when I was little. CALL CPS. Something horrible is going on. Trust me, Ive lived it. If they dont care enough about his well being to leave him out on the street like that imagine what you *can't* see and bet your ass that it's happening to that poor little thing. I know he isnt your responsibility but until something is done for this child or if they wont let him come in the house could you just tell him its nap time at your house and while your kids take their naps in their beds he could maybe have a nap on the sofa? He probably needs it and the little guy is probably hungry, too. I know I was. I was so happy when my friend's parents would feed me. God bless those moms. Im 37 years old now and still think of them and how grateful i was for the smallest things that probably seemed like nothing to them. Also it's really super hot in Texa, right? He shouldnt be out in the heat like that. Hes probably miserable. Again, I know i was.

Ally - posted on 06/09/2011

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Def agree...if I were in that position I would first talk to mom and see if anything was done. A four year old child should not spend the day locked out of the house totally unsupervised. If after attempting to alert them to the problem and no changes were made I don't think I would hesitate to call the authorities. You can even call the police non emergengy number and explain the situation to them and that it is an ongoing problem and you are concerned for this childs safety...they can then come and be the ones to escort the child home saying neighbors have complained he is in the street , alone and unsupervised...might make more of an impact than you saying something and they most likely will not alert CPS unless it is a serious problem. Just might be the wake up call they need...poor kid...he's lucky to have a neighbor like you who cares!

Donna - posted on 05/22/2011

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talk to the parents FIRST. let them know whats going on. I think CPS would be a last resort. Im guessing the parents may not have any idea whats going on

Jillian - posted on 05/22/2011

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`Social services that child is obviously not getting the care and attention he needs and it's not fair on you either. Social services my give them the kick they need!

[deleted account]

Gosh, the idea of a father sleeping with his house locked (fear of break-ins?) while his 4yo son roams the streets... that's so sad.



He can't put in a video for the boy while he sleeps? Or is it just easier to have OP take care of him for free?

Brie - posted on 05/19/2011

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I know this sounds horrible but did it ever dawn on you that they are in a bad relationship... the father/dad is controlling... I kinda get that from what you said about dad doing the same thing and the mom being shy... now at the same time it might just be how they are and the dad isn't a bad guy but YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!!! I would try to talk to mom... probably alone at first... and let her in on babysitters and dad... see how she acts if she blows it off with fear, suddenly, or stubbornly there could be something wrong there... but don't jump to conclusions i'm just saying... and also to those that said call the cops, i totally get where your going with that but calling the cops and calling CPS or CPC (whatever its called wherever) could be the same thing just depends on the cop because if i'm not mistaken when they get calls for neglect and what not they are supposed to report it to CPS... either way this child is being treated poorly and it needs to come to the attention of somebody and they need to put a stop to it... just save the drastic steps until you have exhausted the others!

Christy - posted on 05/19/2011

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He is 4 yrs old. When BOTH his parents are off work at the same time, which is rare, it appears that they are involved in what he is doing. However AFTER I wrote post this yesterday, dad was off work and mom was working, sitters not there. Child was roaming around and I again escorted him home, took forever for Dad to open door, when he did he seemed pissed at me and appeared to have just woken up (eyes red, yawning, etc). So I just politely told him it was time for my kids to rest and here's your son. Son did get to go inside at that point. It seems to me that when Mom is home, everything is in order, and when she is not well, you know the rest. So maybe I approach her? She is very shy and doesn't talk much when I have talked casually with her before (again they live RIGHT next to us).



Also I get calling CPS. I really do. I really don't want to stir that up, I am in Texas and they can be RUTHLESS. I think what I need to do is talk with the Rents first, then move forward if there are no changes.

Johnny - posted on 05/19/2011

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The parents may not even know. At least give them the benefit of the doubt. If you speak to them and they don't care & it continues, then you can call CPS. It must be hard to work such long hours and not be in touch with what is going on at home, so there is no need to make things more difficult than necessary. If they're fine with their child being left to roam the streets uncared for, then by all means, call CPS asap.

[deleted account]

This babysitter is passing the buck onto you. How horrible and sad.

I wouldn't call CPS or the cops. That's so drastic and could cause so much trouble for the parents who may not know. After all, you take good care of their kid, so why should they necessarily know anything is wrong?

I want to know what this babysitter and her bf are doing inside the house that requires locking all the doors.

Lacye - posted on 05/19/2011

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Talk to the parents. If they won't do anything, then call the cops next time you see him outside by himself. How old is the child? Should he be outside by himself?

Stifler's - posted on 05/19/2011

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Yeah I agree with calling CPS or the cops. That is ridiculous he needs to be supervised by the so called baby sitter not running around the street or being looked after by neighbours.

Firebird - posted on 05/18/2011

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I'm with Kate. Never mind the parents, never mind CPS, call the cops.

Brie - posted on 05/18/2011

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talk to parents and if they know about it then report to CPS and if they don't know and it continues to happen keep them posted on it.. you are already involved might as well make it worthwhile!

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