people who need to know boundaries

Belinda - posted on 04/17/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Do you have someone like this in your life?



The biggest culprit of this in mine is my own mother. She treats my children as if they were her own. You may think I am over reacting with that statement, but she oversteps the line waaaay to often that it completely pisses my husband and I off!!



One of my biggest pet peeves (with anyone) is that you DO NOT butt in when a parent is disciplining their own child. I hate it when she butts in while I am threatening time out...she steps in and tells them that she will smack them! One time that left me absolutly furious (I even packed up my kids and went home) was a couple of Chrismases ago, we visited her. I was heavily pregnant with #4 and my eldest son (who is severly delayed, and possibly has autism) was having a bit of a meltdown. I was calmly holding on to his arm, waiting for the moment that he would calm down so I could rationalise with him. She came up to me...grabbed MY hand, pulled it off him...picked him up and walked away with him. Even my aunt was open mouth gaping at it!!! I left very shortly after...fuming the whole way home!



She butts in so much that my kids listen to her over me ("But Grandma says...."......"I dont care what Grandma says...you listen to ME!"

She is constantly undermining me.



Even at birthday parties, after I have told my children "no more chips or lollies" my in-laws dobbed her in by saying that she was giving them these foods and whispering to them "What Mummy does know wont hurt her!" She isnt the one that has to deal with the after effects!!!



Everything is a conspiracy (for lack of a better word) My son is getting the help he needs at school, so she is writing to the school, to the education department and the local member of parliment!! Never mind the fact that I am already doing things to try and get him the help he needs.

More recently...we are holding a fundraiser for cystic fibrosis (a disease my son has) and a local business said we couldnt hold a sausage sizzle there as the money wasnt staying locally (going to a state branch...who do a lot for us) Yes, I was a bit annoyed, but Im making other arrangements with another business. Not good enough! She went in and blasted the staff, urging a boycott of the store and is considering going to local papers and televisions stations about it!!!



I also hate how she acts like cystic fibrosis guru...to ME!! Umm...I LIVE with it, and most of what she prattles on about is stuff I told HER!!



When I was pregnant with my first, she would call and ask how "her baby" was going (not me!) she was acting as if we were surrogate parents for her. it was freaking my husband and I out that we decided to ban her from the delivery room as we were sincerely worried she would do a "Michael Jackson" and run off with the baby as soon as it was born!

When I confronted her and told her she was being "too much" she took offence and didnt talk to me for 3 weeks!



She also doesnt like my middle son, for whatever reason. She and my stepdad rarely have anything to do with them, and very much play favourites with my other children, especially my eldest son and daughter. He is almost 5 and is really starting to notice it, and is making comments like "what about me?" when the older children get to go away and do special things. She is constantly yelling at him/ telling him off or ignoring him.



I am so close to exploding here. What is surprising me is that my husband wont let me! He says I will regret it in the long run. I actually dont think I will! The only reason I think he is saying "dont do it" is not because he knows from experience from blow ups with his own family, its the fact that she is a massive babysitter for us when we have to go for specialist treatment for my youngest son 4-hours away, and we have noone else that can take care fo the three kids while we are away.



Help....any advice????????

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Tina - posted on 04/19/2012

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time to make some new friends and find another baby sitter if possible. what a nightmare my MIL is like that she always takes over as if they're her children. I keep my cool but it annoys me.

Kaitlin - posted on 04/17/2012

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Drink wine and eat chocolate. It's what I do with my FIL. Seriously, he's worse than your mother. WTF!

He calls my boys his and says, OH he looks JUST like ME when I WAS a baby! (to both of them) Seriously? How do you know what you looked like as a baby. The world does not revolve around you. Butt face. My husband is actually really great though, he tries to intersect him as much as possible, but my FIL KNOWS this and corners me/says things like this/invites himself over and wont take no for an answer during the two seconds that my husband uses the bathroom BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh.

Sigh.

I have no real advice for you. Know that you aren't alone. People suck, don't they?

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