Pictures and people...

Carolee - posted on 06/01/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Family has been visiting for the past two weekends. They were ALL very aware that I was taking pictures of everybody, especially if they came near my son (who is the focus for 98% of my photos). I posted them on Facebook. ONE out of the 6 people who were in the pictures is trying to get me to take off every single picture that has her in it.



I made sure she was no longer 'tagged' in any photos, which I see as a viable compromise. The reason she does not want me to post photos of her is because she thinks she's 'fat'.



I feel that it is my right to post pictures of my son, no matter who is in the background, and if you are aware that I have a camera in your face, it is up to YOU to specify if you do not want them to be seen by anybody or if you do not want the pictures to be taken at all if you are in them. She said that she was "disappointed" in me because I didn't specifically ask for her permission to post photos that she is in. There was not one single picture that had only her in it, and the only pictures I have of my uncle have her in them. I have my privacy settings so that only my friends can see the photos, so almost everybody who could look at them knows her.



I think she's over-reacting... does anybody else? I refuse to take down pictures of my son, though. I'm stubborn about that one.

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Denikka - posted on 06/05/2013

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Still disagree with you, although I do understand where you're coming from.
I just don't see it being possible to ALWAYS ask everyone's permission before taking a picture. If I'm at the park with my kids and some other kid/kids ran into the background of a picture I'm taking of my kid, I'm not going to go ask for permission to post the pic. If I'm on vacation and take a beach shot of my kids and there happens to be someone else/other people in the picture, I'm not going to go ask their permission.
As much as I may hate my picture being taken, I think it's just ridiculous to throw a fit over being somewhere in the background. As I said, it's one thing to be the subject of a picture, or even in a group photo, but it's a whole different story when you just happen to be passing by in the background. I think this lady (the one throwing the fit) should have been more accountable and aware. I always err on the side of caution by assuming that any photo of me may be either posted online or shown to people I may not want to see them. If I see someone I know with a camera, and I don't want my photo taken, then I speak up as soon as I see the camera and let them know I don't want my picture taken. But even after expressively saying that I don't want photos of myself, I wouldn't think anything to find myself in the background of some of the shots.
If you never want to be caught on film, don't leave your house. It's a world where people take tons of pictures and movies. I can guarantee that there are dozens, if not hundreds, of pictures and videos that you don't even know that you're in. And I'm going to assume that some, if not most of them, are online somewhere.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/04/2013

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Denikka, it's not something to throw a fit about, but it IS something that could be easily avoided if people would use common courtesy and realize that not everyone likes to be in photos that will be posted online. Now, the OP's situation is ridiculous, because she DID say that she'd be posting them, and this gal didn't like it after the fact.

As a matter of fact, that's usually my first question: Will you be posting this? If so, I will remove myself from the picture, unless it is a full family shot and I'm in the back.

The way I figure it is this: If I, in my position at the university, have to have each person that I photograph sign an agreement to allow their image to be used on our website, the very least I can do is extend that courtesy to those I'm photographing outside of work. And, if someone did want to push it hard enough, publishing images that you do not have permission for (even if she's in the background, if her face can be seen...) can be prosecuted legally. Now, like I said, that would be a bit much, but I'd rather err on the side of caution and courtesy, and I'd appreciate the same respect from the people that I interact with.

And it shouldn't need to be said that one should NEVER post photos of children that are not theirs without the express permission of the other child's parents

Denikka - posted on 06/04/2013

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I'm going to kind of disagree with you Shawn.
It's one thing if it's a picture with that person as the main focus (would absolutely take down), or a picture of a group of people, including that person, but it's a whole nother story when that person just happens to be in the background.
If you go on vacation and take pictures of and with your family, are you going to track down every person who happened to walk behind and get caught in the picture just to ask permission to put the up? I know I wouldn't.
I don't particularly like my picture being taken. 99% of the time, it's not flattering. At all. So when I see a camera, I pointedly stay out of the way. If there's a group picture, I make sure to stay at the side so that I can be cropped out if necessary.
I think it's the other girl who is being childish about the whole thing. If you're THAT unhappy with your body image that you can't even stand to be in the background of a picture that someone else might see (especially people who see you on a regular basis anyways). . .well..I think it's past time to do something about it, not throw a fit about happening to be in a photo.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/04/2013

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Frankly, if you have been asked to remove pics of someone (that you DID NOT obtain permission from prior to posting), you should darn well be adult enough to realize that not every one wants pictures of themselves floating in cyberspace.

I do not appreciate people posting photos that I am included in without notifying me prior to posting. It is, after all, only respecting everyone in question.

I had to get upset with a friend of mine for posting pictures of my kids on her page. Not that I wouldn't have posted graduation photos of my son (and did), but I got permission from the parents of the other kids in the photo before posting. It is only courteous to do so.

No, there is no law, but common courtesy hasn't (or shouldn't have) changed. You should have mentioned when you were taking the photos that you were going to be posting them. Had I been there, and heard that I'd have requested that you NOT take any photos of me.

Bottom line? Yeah, your angel is in the pics. But so are other human beings that may not want their picture posted online, regardless of the reason. And you really need to learn how to respect others feelings and thoughts. After all, it is THEIR image that you are using, without their consent

Jennifer - posted on 06/03/2013

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Maybe she is over reacting but no you don't just have the right to post pics of everyone on FB. It is the persons choice and no matter what the privacy settings are on FB they are not privet. If just one of your friends likes or comments on a photo that photo is then available to everyone on their friend list ect. that is just the start of the lack of security on FB... Bottom line with out her permission you should not have them up on the internet. As for the fat thing.... well maybe that is the whole problem for her and maybe its the only part she is willing to tell you.

Bethany - posted on 11/16/2012

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i understand the fat thing but it ruined so much of my young memories that i dont care anymore (also i have learnt to accept the fact that im not a skinny girl n never will be!) i have 3 known photos of me pregnant and it kills me but its my fault cos i conditioned every1 not to take my pics when i wasnt so my fault!

[deleted account]

The funny thing is, she wants them taken down because she is fat. Well HELLO.... everyone who sees her every day sees exactly what is in the photos. So I think they all know she is fat! It is more to do with her own self image and she can pretend she isn't fat if she doesn't have to look at it.

Hope - posted on 11/06/2012

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Yea she's definitely over-reacting. You don't need to ask her permission to put your pictures up on facebook just because she happens to be in some of them. She's not a celebrity or something where her image could be tarnished. There's definitely no legal recourse for her anyhow.

Katherine - posted on 06/02/2010

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Goodness gracious me oh my!!!! That's a bit much to ask, I mean really she should have stepped away from the path of the camera at ALL times if that was the case. Can't you just crop her out?

[deleted account]

I think removing the ' tag ' of her is a reasonable compromise! My sister-in-law posted pics of me that I would rather not have anybody see but I didn't make her take them down.....I did ask her to not ' tag ' them though.

I can understand both sides and I think you gave up with a way for everyone to be happy. If anyone sees the pic of her she can just claim it wasn't her! LOL! ;)

Geralyn - posted on 06/01/2010

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What sucks about Facebook is that even though its posted on your page, it becomes part of other people's pages who are tagged even after the tag is removed, and you can't delete them. It drives me nuts! Especially when they are photos that I would NEVER have posted. And there is so much stuff in the press that the photos become the property of Facebook. People are concerned about their privacy.



I like Loureen's idea about cropping the photo. But frankly, since you have posted it, even though you subsequently delete it, does not mean that it removes it from Facebook's database....

[deleted account]

If she's only posed for two, you could take those 2 down and untag the others. She may not have been online in that time, or didn't see your status update... there's a number of reasons she didn't say anything. At least if you took the 2 she's in off fb and tell her those are gone, then she may be appeased and problem solved.

Joanna - posted on 06/01/2010

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I have a family member that was the same way, except she was my daughter's stand in godmother at the baptism, so she KNEW we were taking pictures and going to post them on facebook, said nothing about not wanting to be in the pics or have them online. And then I found out later from someone else she was complaining about how rude it was of me to post them without asking.

So I understand your feelings. HOWEVER I do agree that you should get people's permission to post pictures of them online, and if someone is upset, take the pictures down... I think we as parents have enough pictures of our children to exclude pictures from being shown online if they upset someone. Print them out and put them in a photo album, and delete them from FB, is my suggestion.

Carolee - posted on 06/01/2010

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Now that I'm thinking about it... I actually HAD posted something about "I'm having technical problems trying to post pictures of the last two weekends... hopefully pics coming soon" or something like that. It was about two days before I got the pictures up. Nobody responded.

Carolee - posted on 06/01/2010

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I did not hide what I was planning on doing with the pictures from her. I am well known for updating my photos at LEAST once a week. In most of them, she is in the background. Two of them, she even posed for. She went three days before saying anything about wanting me to take them down (hence my confusion on her sudden attitude about this).

[deleted account]

You do have a right to post pictures of your son, but not of anyone else. If she does not give permission to have her photo displayed in a public format, then it should not be displayed.

While I understand you have your privacy settings set in such a way that the general public does not see anything, facebook is still a public arena. Regardless of her reasons (whether justified or not), she does have the right not to have her photo shown without consent. This is why the media must obtain written permission to broadcast a person's likeness and if they don't get that consent, they blur the person's face.

If she is not in the main focal area, such as being a person walking through the frame in the background, I don't see it as being unreasonable to keep that photo up and just untagging her simply because she isn't the main focus and most people probably wouldn't notice her anyway. However, if she's looking at the camera and in the main shot, then I'd say take it down.

People don't automatically assume their photo will be posted onto facebook or any other public community. It wasn't so long ago that we all had cameras to take photos that would be put into a private album that would gather dust on a bookshelf. Most people are willing to allow their photo to be taken for that purpose... private use... but it's another matter all together to be splashed onto the internet for public consumption.

[deleted account]

When we went on vacation last year, it was to take my son home to meet my parents for the first time. Needless to say, most of our vacation pics have my son wih his grandparents. My parents asked me not to post any pics of them on Facebook. I respected their wishes and didn't, my vacation album is a little sparse because of this. But I wouldn't want people posting pics of me without my okay, so I'll respect others when they ask me not to post their pics.

Carolee - posted on 06/01/2010

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I just wanted to make sure that I'm not going insane or anything. I've been almost 300 lbs. when somebody took a picture of me. My solution was to lose almost 100 lbs., not start a fight...

Thank you for responding. I just wanted to make sure I was not being unreasonable.

*Lisa* - posted on 06/01/2010

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I can understand being grossed out by seeing how fat I've gotten in photos. I often 'remove tag's' on photos but would never ask someone to take it down (unless it was particularly heinous and I was the object of the photo). I think that if she is just in the background, it's not unreasonable to leave them up, and just remove the tags. Sometimes it's good to see those terrible 'fat' photos so you can get motivated to do something about it.

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