Post partum relationship issues...

Melody - posted on 11/14/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am 26 yrs old and have 2 kids, 4 yrs and 3 mths. My daughter, new baby was born 7 wks premature and is still very small, I put her on formula even tho I wanted to nurse b/c I was told by the doc she needed extra calories so I was expressing, mixing my milk with formula powder and bottle feeding her. I had an awesome milk supply (went from b cup pre preg to small C during to a large D 3 days after her birth!) but was frustrated at having to pump vs being able to feed directly. I got post partum depression very quickly b/c I felt like her prematurity was my fault (I have a medical condition that I have difficulty carrying to term, my son was also early but not as early as my daughter, and I have had miscarriages) so was put on meds and told to stop pumping. I very quickly dropped from the D cup to a B and lost a lot of weight because I was always worrying about the kids first (bottle feed baby, make food for my son, wash bottles, make bottles, then if you have time before baby needs to eat again, have a cup of coffee and a toast, and so on throughout the day.) and now my husband is complaining about me "losing" my boobs and that my butt doesn't fill out my jeans like it used to! He even teases me that I better "start saving up and call a plastic surgeon"!! I was never a large person before (110lbs) and despite having done some modelling as a teen was always told by members of my family that I was fat/ugly/stupid etc and have very little self-esteem, which he knows because I had to explain everything once when we were dating he complimented my looks and I was surprised and asked him why he would say that. It takes a lot for me to maintain a positive attitude. Now my husband is eroding my confidence, even more, and he thinks it is just a joke! I have told him I don't appreciate the comments and wish he would stop, but he still makes these comments at least once a day. And then he has the nerve to complain about my lack of interest in sex! Ummm, I'm sorry but would you be interested in having sex with someone who insults you on a daily basis? Didn't think so!!!! So on top of dealing with my daughter's health issues, my health issues, and disciplining my son, who is having behavior issues in school, I have to deal with this from te person who is supposed to be my suport system! I don't know what to say to him anymore.

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Katherine - posted on 11/15/2010

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Oh my gosh!!! If you don't mind me asking...what meds? They can put you on meds you can still BF on/pump. I had PPD with both of mine too. It's hard. Mine are about the same amount of years apart as yours: 3.5 As for your husband, he sounds like a jerk. You need to get in his face and TELL him just how crappy he's making you feel!!!! Maybe you need some therapy too. You are dealing with a lot right now. I hope you have people to help you. Don't worry about the house or laundry either. Worry about you and the kids and if he doesn't like it tell him to suck it.
My husband was the same way. It's so frustrating.
Are you close with anyone in your family that can give you some support?
Take it, because with my first I thought I could do it all on my own. My second not so much, but I did still do too much.
It's a huge life change. You go into the hospital and come out with 4 in the family.

If you need to talk I'm here.

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