The fantastically magical natural birth: am I the only person with an adverse opinion?

Brierley - posted on 04/12/2011

I am one of those moms who goes around talking about my wonderful, empowerig, mind-altering home waterbirths. However, I never ever ever say it didn't hurt. With the first one, I somehow thought I'd be one of those ladies who trusted birth and somehow, in exchage, didn't feel pain. No. No no no no. I was caught completely off guard by how much it hurt. But with my midwife's mid-labor reasuraces that everything was going well, I was not exploding, and yes, by the way, we did show those moony candle-lit birth videos of serene mothers in the prenatal classes, but birth generally does hurt, I got through the first birth. The second one was painful too, but much easier. And in retrospect, I wouldn't trade either for the world. The births taught me that I can handle more pain than I thought I could, and that pain isn't neccesarily a bad thing. And because my non-midwife alternative was the local hosptial with a 40% c-section rate, and because c-sections, from all I've read and heard, are more painful and more risky, I'd do my drug-free home births over again without hesitation. But I loved your post. So funny! Birth for me was hard messy work, but I'm happy to have had that experience.

Brierley - posted on 04/12/2011

I am one of those moms who goes around talking about my wonderful, empowerig, mind-altering home waterbirths. However, I never ever ever say it didn't hurt. With the first one, I somehow thought I'd be one of those ladies who trusted birth and somehow, in exchage, didn't feel pain. No. No no no no. I was caught completely off guard by how much it hurt. But with my midwife's mid-labor reasuraces that everything was going well, I was not exploding, and yes, by the way, we did show those moony candle-lit birth videos of serene mothers in the prenatal classes, but birth generally does hurt, I got through the first birth. The second one was painful too, but much easier. And in retrospect, I wouldn't trade either for the world. The births taught me that I can handle more pain than I thought I could, and that pain isn't neccesarily a bad thing. And because my non-midwife alternative was the local hosptial with a 40% c-section rate, and because c-sections, from all I've read and heard, are more painful and more risky, I'd do my drug-free home births over again without hesitation. But I loved your post. So funny! Birth for me was hard messy work, but I'm happy to have had that experience.

Megan - posted on 04/12/2011

If I had planned an epidural birth and not had the planned-for pain relief, I'd still be pretty angry too. Being stuck in a bed on your side or on your back with a catheter in your urethra is not a good or comfortable way to have an unmedicated birth.

Delia - posted on 04/12/2011

I can assure you that no two births (your own!) are alike. Why did you want an undrugged birth? Preventing baby from being drugged? To be in charge? To say you did it? Reducing risk of an unnecessary cesarean-section? To feel it?To avoid needles (assuming you refused an IV)? To have a "beautiful birth experience"? A beautiful birth experience is still possible! Baby#1 heinus back labor, useless labor support + heinous episiotomy, Baby #2 well paced labor and a "beautiful birth experience".Baby #3 way too fast and intense. Baby #4 PISSED OFF it has to hurt so much and felt beat up afterwards.Baby#5 Incredible, connected, awe inspiring, beautiful Birthing From Within class prepared birth, fell in love with unplanned baby instantly. 5 undrugged births, 5 different experiences by one birthing Mom. Mindset, respect and excellent labor support go a long way in helping (along with unrestricted movement and warm water) but baby's size and position also make a difference!

Sarah-Anne - posted on 04/12/2011

i not only had a HORRIBLE birthing experience, i had a pretty crappy pregnancy and at 6 months along, i knew i would never have another biological child. i had morning sickness everyday from 4am until 1pm, even being on two different anti-nausea meds. the meds made it so i didn't was done puking by 1pm, otherwise it would happen 8 minutes after i ate or drank anything round the clock. i got the flu from my doctor at 32 weeks and was hospitalized for dehydration. having lost almost 20 pounds in the first 6 weeks due to morning sickness, i had only gained that back by the 32 week mark. i then went on to gain almost 30 more pounds and over 500 stretch marks in the last month. i was due the 10th, induced on the 18th, delivered on the 20th. i never dilated until after getting a partial (no narcotics due to allergy) epidural after being induced for 25 hours, so they could increase pitocin and add the other inducing drug as well. i was also so swollen down there, my doc couldn't even fit her pinky in to try to check me. before the epidural i had constant back labor, and no true contractions, on top of severe constipation. my nurse was evil and ignored my concerns while cutting me off every time my doc asked me questions. she refused to let me eat, even after my doctor told me to eat and even ordered me food. the epidural caused me to throw up until i pushed my daughter out and they turned the damn thing off. i was also never told i'd be confined to bed with the epidural but i was only given the choice of epidural or c-section at that point. it took 3 hours and 50 minutes of pushing in between all the puking. i ripped to a 2nd degree episiotomy. i have never forgotten any bit of the pain. my 7 4-6 inch long 1/2 inch wide stretch marks on my hips are still painful to the touch. i have a hernia the size of a quarter above my bellybutton due to the muscle trauma. my daughter bruised my pelvic bone on her due date, which made moving painful for the next 6 months. stairs were a bitch. my three bottom right front ribs were also bruised the last two months of pregnancy due to getting kicked. my daughter actually cracked the bottom front right rib during delivery which was only discovered at my 6 week check up when my doctor finally ordered an x-ray, but it was too late to do anything then. my episotomy also got sewed up a bit much and re rips a tiny bit during sex/tampons. plus how can anyone forget the pain after when the nurses come in every hour to "massage your uterus" aka punch you in the gut, most likely causing internal bleeding.

the only worse labor and delivery i've heard of is my friends. she was 3 weeks late with her daughter. induced for 2 days and going no where. finally got an epidural, but the baby's position was putting too much pressure somewhere, so the epidural only worked on the top portion of her belly, so when she finally had to have a c-section, she felt everything until after her daughter was taken out and then she went numb, so at least she didn't have to feel all the stitching. her daughter is now 5 and she has a c-section scheduled for her 2nd due in a month. she's going with general anesthesia if the epidural doesn't work again this time, at her doctors suggestion.

anyone who has had the dream pregnancy and quick, painless delivery, good for you, now go to hell.

Erin - posted on 04/12/2011

No, not religious at all!! That would have turned me off too :)

Erin - posted on 04/12/2011

But Jen, saying you don't think others can enjoy their birth is assuming they have the same experience as you, and that's not true. Every birth is different. Some women genuinely DO enjoy childbirth. Some women have enjoyed one of their children's births, but not another. And that could be for a multitude of reasons. l think it's kind of counter-productive to dismiss the idea that birth can be a positive experience. And just because someone else has those positive feelings in no way minimises or invalidates your negative ones. Do you see what I mean?

Jen - posted on 04/12/2011

Erin, that was nice to post it. I have a question about it though. Is it a very religious forum?

Erin - posted on 04/12/2011

Alicia, if you are having trouble moving past the negative feeling around your birth experience, I would highly suggest looking at the Solace for Mothers forum. The ladies there have all been through some form of birth trauma. Some have PND and even PTSD. It is a valuable resource if you feel you are alone in your experience. And it highlights that everyone's feelings are valid. If you feel traumatised, you are. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. The birth stories on that board cover the whole gamut of childbirth... from unplanned natural births, to home birth transfers, to coerced intervention-riddled inductions and c-sections.

Here is the link:

http://www.solaceformothers.org/

Jen - posted on 04/12/2011

Tracey, you make an excellent point. There is stigma or even less dramatic, guilt associated with not enjoying or really hating labor/delivery. I realize that we are 'supposed' to focus afterwards only on our beautiful children and I don't think anyone here wishes their children never happened. However birth can be traumatic and people brush it off because virtually every woman does it so therefore it can't be 'that bad.' In my never humble opinion, that is cruelly denying just how bad it can be and is for many of us, myself included. There are women who complain that their decision to not have any medical interventions during labor are pressured. There are women who complain that the medical interventions are looked down upon by other women. Then there are the people like us. When all is said and done, I don't think anyone's ever really happy with the way their births turned out. I think you are right, we say it is because no one would listen/believe us otherwise.

Jen - posted on 04/12/2011

Well Alicia, if my agony can make another person smile, then my work is done here. ;-) But seriously, I'm glad I could help. Your feelings are valid. The nutty pain-free birth people don't help you and I because they just make us feel like we did something wrong but you know what - we didn't. Birth just sucks.

Sneaky - posted on 04/11/2011

Alicia, there really should be a support group on COM for that! If you can't find one, you can always start one!

I'm only saying this because I had a miscarriage a few years ago and I didn't really start to move on from that till I joined a group here on COM and started talking to other mums that had been through the same thing (or even worse) that I did.

And a personal observation from me - it really sound like you are mourning. I'm not trying to be a smart ass or anything, and I have no idea what type of birth you were expecting to have, but that does not mean that you are not mourning the loss of the non-traumatic birth that you did not get to experience. I'm also quite sure that there are thousands of mothers here that are also mourning the loss of the birth that they really wanted and didn't get. It can make mum's feel like they are not bonding with their babies and even contribute to PND.

I think that you are very brave for stepping up and saying that your feel this way about your birth experience because so many women seem to think that they have to 'pretend' that their birth story was great and magical, even if it wasn't - like it is some kind of sin to admit it, when I would assume that at least half of all women feel the same way you do.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/11/2011

I had a decently quick and really intense drug free birth. I remember the pain, I remember screaming so loud I thought people were going to think I was being attacked, and I remember thinking right after I pushed out her head that there was no way I'm doing this again, but I still had to push out the shoulders. I remember being completely enamored by my baby girl when I found out she was a girl by looking myself - yet still feeling a great sense of not wanting to do it again.
And I did have pain afterward (Ugh stitches. They hurt worse than the tears!) but I decided to take Tylenol to push through it. I was nursing and it seemed like the harmless option.
But as time has gone on my focus of the story has changed from pain to the life changing event that was the birth of my daughter. I still know it wasn't all peachy, but I choose not to dwell on the shitty stuff. I'm saving all of that up for the teenage years :p
And yes, I am planning on having another baby sometime after the hubs gets back from Iraq. I guess the pain issue has subsided. I guarantee I will be in labor with the next one thinking the same thing.

Alicia - posted on 04/11/2011

Jen-you are hilarious. (I love witty, intelligent discussions/stories on COMs, and it is sometimes difficult to find.) Also, I am really enjoying all the feedback---really! I don't want to say your pain makes me feel better...but it does. I've cried every time I've thought of my child's birth for the past two years bc I've been so angry and hurt, thinking how unfair it was that I seemed to be the only one who had such a bad birth story. Although I 'knew' other ppl dealt with bad births, I hadn't actually personally heard about ANY, and it was making me pretty bitter. I honestly feel like a weight has been lifted…So, thanks for sharing!

Nastassja - posted on 04/11/2011

You are not alone in the least. I had a traumatic, very difficult first birth (long induction, c-section, episiotomy, shitty epidural, the works). I dealt with the emotional fallout from that for a long time. The pain was out of control, I felt out of control, even with the epidural, it took a long time before I got relief because it only worked on one side, and then it was an hour before I could convince the asshole nurses that it was not "just pressure" and that it was NOT RIGHT. With my second...overall it was an excellent birth. I had him at home, so it was unmedicated, but I won't lie, there were times when I was mentally trying to figure out how long it would take to get my ass in an ambulance and to an epidural. I felt pretty positive about that one but I was still a bit shaken afterward by the intensity of the pain. The c-section was a painful, uncomfortable recovery, and I remember breaking down in tears a day or two later because I couldn't sleep, my breasts full and aching, my belly hurting, every muscle in my body still sore. After my second I again had the crazy boobs, a deep second degree tear (and that was a bitch to have sewn up even being numbed, OW) and the afterpains when he nursed were so strong I had to breath and moan through them. I wish the pain was magically gone but I think the first few days afterward can be more miserable than the pregnancy/labor, especially with little sleep and adjusting to the new baby. You are NOT alone, and your feelings are valid and real. We are made to put on a super happy mask after we have a baby (indeed, the whole pregnancy) but it can be really tough. Hugs, sister.

Mel - posted on 04/11/2011

no your not alone hunny all I kept asking for after the birth of my first child was pain killer, the pain was so bad. My bits never looked the same I got so damaged. Every birth is different

Jen - posted on 04/11/2011

LOL Amanda, I admit it is a long time but it was extremely traumatic. Much as I would never wish my son away because I really can't imagine life without him, I do wish like hell I'd taken the drugs like everyone told me too. But oh no, I **knew everything** from all the Spiritual Midwifery books from Ina May and the LeLeche League who made it all sound so lovely and perfect and if I'd only trusted my body, things would be just fine.

Ina and I would not get along now I suspect as the first thing I tell my pregnant friends is "TAKE THE DUCKING DRUGS!!"

One of the running jokes I have with my teenage son is one we started playing when he was little of "I love you more!" "No, I love you more!"

I think he was 11 and we had had the talk about where babies came from that I finally threw in, "Yeah, I well I suffered 40 hours of pain for you!" (In a joking tone of course, I don't ever want him to feel guilty for it.) Now when we do it, he throws in the labor line usually while rolling his eyes in that very teenage way. Whenever I'm having one of my pain attacks (I have some weird undiagnosed chronic pain illness), he can invariably make me laugh no matter how bad it is by saying, "is it worse than the 40 hours of pain Mom?"

So I got over it that way I suppose.

Everytime I read anything Ina May and her Spiritual Midwifery, I do feel cheated and blame myself. I mean, I breathed, I relaxed, I walked, I took bath after bath, shower after shower, listened to the relaxing music, rested. STill, every 5 minutes ( my husband timed it on his pocket watch), that pain would shred me open. To this day, I remember the exact moment I went into transition and describe it only as being squeezed by a giant sweaty hand until my ribcage and pelvis crushed. (Yeah, I get dramatic but hey, bite me. ;) )

Amanda - posted on 04/11/2011

me again..to tell the truth, despite the fact that my experience with a C Section was truly horrible, i must admit that when i was in the recovery room i heard some strange 'gutteral' screaming sounds, and for a moment i looked over at my room buddy and said 'was was that'? Then i realised that was the sound of a mum pushing. ..and i thought, well who knows, maybe i was lucky to have a C Section after all. The funny thing is, i heard several 'natural' births take place that night, and the sounds were all exactly the same!! i was really horrified, it was something almost primal! i'm not joking, i really think they should sound proof the walls because when i thought i'd have a natural birth, one of my biggest worries was that i'd scream so loud, they'd tell me to be quiet, (that's so crap that they do that by the way. As if that would help!) I have no idea what my pain threshold is, I have been known to cry after falling over though! ha,ha (like my first winter in Europe, when i took several tumbles on the ice..) so if that's any indication..;-) Strangely, i still wish i could have had a natural birth, but when i hear stories like yours Jen, i can't help but wonder, could i take it?? ;) possibly not. We'll see next time, if there is a next time! Thanks Jen for your reply, and i'm sure you know this already- but hating pregnancy does not make you an evil bitch! On a serious note, i think i had some kind of depression or PTSD after my sons birth, and sometimes still do. i wonder how you got over it? i thought about seeing someone to chat, but it's getting better now a few months have passed. God, 14 years and you still remember the pain? i was hoping i'd forget soon! ;-) Cheers :)

Jen - posted on 04/11/2011

You're not asking for sympathy but you get it in spades from me. I am one of those horrible, evil bitches who HATED being pregnant and was honestly left with PTSD from labor/delivery. I vowed not to have another child after those 40 hours of HELL. For the record, I was not induced. I did not have pitocin or an IV. I went natural (mostly at home) till about hour 30 when I was so exhausted and hysterical from pain that I was putting myself in danger by threatening to attack anyone who came near. They gave me nubaine and to this day, I love that person. However it only helped me rest, nothing prepared me for the awful hell of crowning and pushing. I was yelled at by a labor nurse who said I had to stop screaming because I was "scaring the other mothers" in the delivery wing. I believe my answer was something similar to Duck Stew. I almost gave in to my 2nd husband who wanted a child but swore and received considerable flak from many that I would schedule a c-section again rather than endure labor a second time. I hated it. I loathed it.

Yes, I love my son who is now 14. But I never forgot the pain. I also wasn't over thrilled to hold him right away, I was too busy crying in relief that it was finally all over. He was crying when they gave him to me and I said, "You and me both kid, trust me."

When I hear of these angelic pain free births and how mine could have been just a lovely had I BREATHED RIGHT, I could punch them in the face.

Erin - posted on 04/10/2011

Everyone experiences the sensations of childbirth differently. Everyone has different expectations and hopes for that experience. It makes sense that we all have different perceptions of a similar experience.

I have a friend who walked in to the hospital waving her epidural consent form in the air. She was not emotionally prepared for a natural birth, so when she got one because her labour progressed quite fast and the anaesthesiologist was caught in traffic, she felt traumatised and shocked. It's funny because she got what I desperately wanted (I went natural for 20hrs only to have a spinal for forceps at the last minute) and yet she did not feel like it was a positive experience. She was caught off guard, and felt out of control and scared. Her feelings regarding that situation are perfectly valid, even if I would have reacted in a completely different way.

I guess that goes for your gripe about positive birth stories. Someone else feeling good about natural birth does not invalidate your negative feelings towards it. It's just different.

Julianne - posted on 04/10/2011

Well my doctor brutalized me! lol. I had an emergency c-section.
It was a good thing he got her out so quickly because meconium released and she could have died from inhaling it. Luckily because the doctors were quick enough she did not inhale any. I would rather a worse recovery over the alternative any day.

Stifler's - posted on 04/10/2011

The pain was awful. I hated the pain! I had gas but it didn't seem to work and I wanted to die lol. I couldn't sit down comfortably for weeks either even though I had no stitches there was still a bit of tearing and it hurt for months afterwards. But in the end it was one day of my life of dealing with those contractions and the blood and the fire alarms.

Nikki - posted on 04/09/2011

True Tracey, true about the elective c section part. My mum was unable to have a vaginal birth, her first 2 c sections were emergency and she was a mess afterwards. Her 3rd was an elective with twins and she was up and about the next day. After talking to her surgeon he also stated that some surgeons are not very careful at the best of times, so your recovery is impacted by the shoving and shifting they do.

Sneaky - posted on 04/09/2011

Nikki, I wasn't brave, I just didn't get to the hospital soon enough for drugs!

Sneaky - posted on 04/09/2011

To my knowledge an emergency c-section is WAY more painful than an elective - if you think about it, that makes sense because in an emergency, they are cutting into you and pulling that baby out as fast as possible, they are not worried about causing bruising and yanking bub out because they just want to get bub out NOW. Whereas with an elective c-section they have time to be 'gentle'. My cousin had both and she found her elective c-section so much easier to recover from (she wasn't out dancing) but she wasn't in nearly as much pain.

My theory still is that giving birth is like the most UN-natural thing a women can do - our bodies are so not designed to give birth in this shape.

Julianne - posted on 04/09/2011

ohhh little or no pain after a c-section....those women are either on heavy pain killers...or lying.

After my section, i was bruised from my legs to just under my breasts, I was in so much pain...i couldn't walk up the three flights to get to my home, my SO had to carry me...after i attempted it and broke down crying halfway up the stairs...i laid on the couch(much easier to get off of than the bed) for like 3 weeks with the baby on my chest all day..i literally could not move. Even going to the bathroom made me cry..I have a very high pain tolerance too. Got lots of tatts and mods...so its not like im a wuss..To this day 16 months later i still have pain in my stomach, i got it checked but its "normal" I can't even do yoga the way i use to, some positions are painful, or i don't stretch as far because of the muscle damage..

Lacye - posted on 04/09/2011

I'm sorry you guys had such a horrible experience. The only pain I had felt was after they had given me the Pitocin (not sure if I spelled that right) and before they gave me the epidural. The nurses were continuously fussing at me because I had wanted to sit up for a little bit because it eased a lot of the pressure I was feeling (they wanted me to lay on my back and told me that if I didn't then my labor would stop, which I have found out that that's not even true!) They got mad at me because I couldn't find a comfortable position and I kept turning from side to side because I was so uncomfortable and hurting. Yeah. I'm thinking if I decide to have another child, I'll go to the town that's 45 minutes away for the birth of the next child.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2011

Hi, just wanted to say, thanks guys for reminding me, i'm not the only woman in the world who has a horrendous birth story.. oh i do like to rant on about mine as if i am.. Anyway, Alicia, i like your sense of humor :) and i too am sick to death of hearing perfect birth stories, and worse- seeing photos from said perfect births (i.e: smiling happy mums (with make up even!!??) -and dads in their surgical hats and blue coats..ahh..lucky for some. As a matter of fact, i do need to vent, and i just joined up with that purpose in mind, but i would like to comment on your post because i dreamed of the perfect, natural, drug free- 'i am woman hear me roar' birth, and instead my little boy turned upside down and had to come out via C Section. So, sorry that i can't really sympathise with the 'natural' pain, however i too was in so much bloody pain after the birth, and for weeks and weeks to come, that i hated all doctors, midwifes, and the world in general. I've since heard so many stories of mums bouncing back after the birth, and how they had little or no pain following a c Section. I, on the other hand could barely walk, had a stuffed up back (from the LOUSY hospital bed), forgot about the catheter and ripped it out whilst trying to walk over to my baby and pick him up.. developed a urinary tract infection after that, couldn't breast feed, had a rash all over my thighs and tummy from the surgical glue/god knows what they put down there.. gave birth in a foriegn country and couldn't remember any words to swear at the midwifes who were, might i say absolute bitches (why?, why?, why?, i ask, would you work in that proffession if you do not know how to be kind to fellow human beings?? AND to top it all off my husband was not allowed with me, or us, for many many hours after my baby was born. i'm so angry about the way i was treated in the hospital, and when i think back to it i am still furious. My little boy was absolutely perfect looking (not that i saw him the moment they pulled him out :( ) but i still thought he was an alien. So anyway, much love to you, hope your second is much easier, and by the way, i am a wuss when it comes to pain, wouldn't dream of being tatooed for the fear of the needle, and got absolutely flattened in a fist fight when i was 16..one punch and i was down.. so really..who was i kidding with the natural birth idea anyway?? ;-) Take it easy, and thanks for sharing. Amanda :)

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2011

Hi, just wanted to say, thanks guys for reminding me, i'm not the only woman in the world who has a horrendous birth story.. oh i do like to rant on about mine as if i am.. Anyway, Alicia, i like your sense of humor :) and i too am sick to death of hearing perfect birth stories, and worse- seeing photos from said perfect births (i.e: smiling happy mums (with make up even!!??) -and dads in their surgical hats and blue coats..ahh..lucky for some. As a matter of fact, i do need to vent, and i just joined up with that purpose in mind, but i would like to comment on your post because i dreamed of the perfect, natural, drug free- 'i am woman hear me roar' birth, and instead my little boy turned upside down and had to come out via C Section. So, sorry that i can't really sympathise with the 'natural' pain, however i too was in so much bloody pain after the birth, and for weeks and weeks to come, that i hated all doctors, midwifes, and the world in general. I've since heard so many stories of mums bouncing back after the birth, and how they had little or no pain following a c Section. I, on the other hand could barely walk, had a stuffed up back (from the LOUSY hospital bed), forgot about the catheter and ripped it out whilst trying to walk over to my baby and pick him up.. developed a urinary tract infection after that, couldn't breast feed, had a rash all over my thighs and tummy from the surgical glue/god knows what they put down there.. gave birth in a foriegn country and couldn't remember any words to swear at the midwifes who were, might i say absolute bitches (why?, why?, why?, i ask, would you work in that proffession if you do not know how to be kind to fellow human beings?? AND to top it all off my husband was not allowed with me, or us, for many many hours after my baby was born. i'm so angry about the way i was treated in the hospital, and when i think back to it i am still furious. My little boy was absolutely perfect looking (not that i saw him the moment they pulled him out :( ) but i still thought he was an alien. So anyway, much love to you, hope your second is much easier, and by the way, i am a wuss when it comes to pain, wouldn't dream of being tatooed for the fear of the needle, and got absolutely flattened in a fist fight when i was 16..one punch and i was down.. so really..who was i kidding with the natural birth idea anyway?? ;-) Take it easy, and thanks for sharing. Amanda :)

Nikki - posted on 04/09/2011

Tracey I was reading an article on the hormones in a drug free birth yesterday. It makes sense but I still don't know that I would be brave enough! Sorry off topic.

Sneaky - posted on 04/09/2011

PS Allicia - I really hope you bitch slapped that nurse.

Sneaky - posted on 04/09/2011

I will NOT comment on my own natural births (feel free to abuse me anyway - I don't mind) but I did read an article before my second baby about exactly how all the hormones, etc work (or are suppose to work) during a drug free birth. As a consequence I feel that I was more confident giving birth the second time, and found it 'easier' to deal with the pain, even though I was in more pain with my second.

If you are considering a second baby, statistically a second birth will go much faster than the first, I hope that idea helps a bit.

BTW, I think the way you feel is completely normal - you had a traumatic birth experience. And I don't think it really has anything to do with pain tolerance (though I do not doubt that you were in terrible pain), but a lot to do with the feeling of being out of control of our bodies on top of pain that we can't stop.

Nikki - posted on 04/08/2011

OMG you poor buggers, reading these stories scares the absolute shit out of me!

Alicia - posted on 04/08/2011

Wow, Allicia (I've never seen it spelled that way, on a random side note..), that sounds so terrible! I also had an epidural, but it apparently wasn't working (the machine was messing up that night, and had apparently shut off long before I started pushing). Therefore, a forced natural birth. I'm glad you had a better second birth!! I'm desperately hoping if I have another that it will be completely different.

Pia - posted on 04/08/2011

Ouch. I had a natural and haven't forgot the pain either. Although I still preferred that birth to my first when I had an epi...

Allicia - posted on 04/08/2011

I know how u feel. With my first child I did have an epideral but for some reason the fucking nurse that I had turned it off and didnt tell me or even the dr. I was in so much pain. Well I ended up ripping and he came out. OMG I was in so much pain. I was like" WOW that fuckin hurt" I was like why did that hurt so much? I had a epideral". so anyways the dr started to stich me up becuase the rip was really bad. I started to scream at the dr to "PLEASE STOP" it really hurt. The dr looked at the nurse and said "didnt she have an epideral?" The nurse said" yes but I turned it off a while back becuase I didnt think she needed it" so the nurse and the dr got into a fight. so while the dr was stiching me up waiting for the after birth to come out she notice it wasnt coming out and I started to really bleed. the dr said" this is really going to hurt" she had to stop stiching and had to cut them and cut me even more becuase she had to put her hand and arm inside of me to pull out the after birth. I was screaming. I was in so much pain that the dr yelled at the nurse to give me something in my iv to knock me out. my husband said it was really bad. I lost alot of blood. I lost so much that I couldnt even sit up without passing out. I didnt want to hold my son. I was a mess. some one said to me after i gave birth "are u ready for the next one?" i said "are u crazy I am done" well i did end up having a 2nd child. i ended up changing everything when i got preg with her. i changed dr and hospitals. my 2nd time around with birth was OMG so much better then the first. the only pain i had the 2nd time around was back pain. i will take back pain any day over what i went through with the first time. Oh i did have an epideral with the 2nd and made sure it stayed on.